You should read my first post, it was a bit of an essay! Don't worry about the quantity of detail, an informed advice post is better than one which is less informed

I was in a similar situation as yourself. I felt my husband was neglecting me, and our sex life was suffering. Certain steps have taken place, and we are in a great position right now, but that won't help you here.

I will say this, a healthy sex life is important, and both partners need to enjoy it. Two people rarely have the same drives and desires, and so most of the time, the partner with the lower sex drive dictates the frequency of sex. Which is how it should be. If someone doesn't want sex, that really needs to be respected. However, your partner needs to be respected and fulfilled too. And your gf really needs to get an understanding of that.

If she is wanting to move in/get married, she is really in love with you. And I would say she owes it both to herself, and you, to do the work required that she needs to get her in a place where she will want that active sex life.

If you marry her, and she doesn't remedy this, you could end up resenting her. Which could even lead to you being unfaithful. Which could destroy her. And right now, that is the last thing you want.

You need to find a way of getting her to understand what could happen if this is left unchecked. She might have it in her head that marriage will fix things, but it will only be a temporary band aid at best.

Feel free to post more details if you would like, so we know what we are working with.

Best of luck! x

Hello!

I’m new to the forum too...and surprisingly going through a very similar situation to you, but I’m on the other side of things.

My significant other has a very high sex drive and lately we have had some tension regarding it. We just recently talked about how moving in together might solve the issue (we are both in traveling jobs and don’t technically live anywhere). So having sex for us is a challenge BUT regardless of that situation, we have plenty of time alone with each other and still are having issues.

You may not be doing some of the things my SO does, but hopefully me talking about them will give you some insight on how she might feel. From my point of view, I like to think I have a normal sex drive. However, when there is a constant dialogue about sex (aka it coming up in every conversation, some how, some way) then I am going to be turned off A LOT. I want to have those moments that there’s a natural build up. It doesn’t seem so wanted and pushed.

Also, I’ve noticed that, yes, having sex “regularly” is great. But, when we spend so much time together then it almost becomes a routine which that doesn’t feel very natural at all either. Getting those times where you’re apart, building up that “missing you” aspect, maybe even sexting, tends to get rid of that systematic feel to everything. As a dramatic example, to me, I would rather have sex, once every 2 weeks and have the feelings be built up or it be so fun and spontaneous than have sex every single day. It means so much more to me.

Lastly, having an extremely open dialogue has made me feel a lot better and revved up my sex drive. I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but there was a point where I had to tell my SO that constantly poking & attempting to arouse me randomly was not working. But we were able to have a very detailed conversation about what we both needed from each other. Even after our first conversation, I can see where I am lacking and he understands my side of things more that I feel more comfortable continuing with one of his advances to have sex or he is willing to wait for me to initiate.

Unfortunately, our sex problems haven’t really been solved. And just recently, I decided that I was not comfortable with moving in with my SO because it seemed like just a solution to a problem and not the next step for our relationship. I think these issues could be an small insight into a bigger problem. I would say not moving in together just yet and learning to create a healthy sex life and healthier relationship overall is a great idea.

I hope this helps a little!