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Author Topic: Commitment issues but still in love with ex

May 29, 2019, 01:27:18 PM
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I met a guy at work (retail) which i had a great chemistry with, im 25 and not perse a newbie with chemistey, this was a great chemistry. He was my manager so nothing fysical happened. Right at the beginning, at the job interview there was already a vibe between us.

While working at the company for a year we talked a lot about personal and relationship stuff but never really expressed we liked eachother. He would make jokes and hints to me, but it never came to the point of confessing our feelings. At parties we would always sit together and talk and he would make obvious comments, that everyone from work knew there was someting up.

When I left that job we had one last dinner together with work and again the same routine of sitting together/talking. He made obvious comments in front of eceryone insinuating he liked me. At that point it was getting so clear to me that I just felt like asking him if he liked me in front of the group. Dont really think he knew how to react. But I definately got him with that one because a few days later he completely poured out his heart via chat that he was into me etc etc (nothing sexual). Pretty soon (1-2 days  after chat) it became really clear that he was serious. I went to his house in the middle of the night, after I had a party, which was not my intention but I just had to see him. So jeah fill in the blanks what happened next, no regret. After that it got even more serious from his side. At one point it started to scare me a bit. How could someone be that into me? I felt like maybe it was going to fade away quick aswell.. I also didnt trust him 100% because he has had a lot of women and relationships in the past. I got scared to get hurt and thats when I started closing down and being myself. So I told him, after he noticed some change in my behaviour. He understood and agreed to take it slow. Let me just be clear: even though I was scared, I really liked this guy. Eventually it was the beginning of drama for a 2 month period, contact being on and off. In this period of time I also decided that I would be moving away in one year for a half a year, he replied that he couldnt miss someone like that for a half a year and that therefore nothing could happen between us, later he said he reacted to fast and took it back.

 He felt like i wasnt opening up and when I did open up he felt like he pushed it on me. Also some birth control issues but thats not really that relevant. I felt like he wasnt himself anymore, so i broke it off one night and told him we could meet up for casual sex! Yes, thats what I said. So he understandbly told me to get out. I regret that i said that, i wanted to sound cool and as if I wasnt hurt but it ending. We never contacted eachother after that. He on the other hand showed up casually at my work a few times, followed and unfollowed me a billion times on instagram, liking pictures while he didnt follow me, liking old 2016 pictures, replying to me instastories )that I looked nice etc etc).

Also the moment came when he started dating a new girl after a few months, even though he was still hinting at me in some ways. To be honest it did hurt but I did nothing to fuck that up because it would be really egocentric. I did decide to unfollow him because i really felt like he was rubbing it in my face with constant picture with overexaggerated texts etc. He was still poking me on social media whilst in a relationship with her and once came to my work with her, when they were just dating. Eventually they broke after a few months and he still likes pictures, than follows me, unfollows me again, but does watch my instastories, likes pictures (whilst he is not following me), etc etc.

What do I do? I handeled it really terrible with him, but im scared in ALL relationships (obviously i have to work on that). I dont feel like I gave that relationship a try, Anyway, do i have to take his behaviour the past year as a sign that he still is into me? He did tell me that he would let it come from my side, because I would otherwise push him away?

October 19, 2019, 01:20:56 AM
Reply #1


It’s does seem like he still has feelings there and is holding on to another chance. Very bad on his part to keep dancing around it while in another relationship. Sounds like he is probably not the best at relationship decisions himself. I can see very much where it’s asking a lot of him to have you gone that long. I think it would probably be bad to start something up if you still haven’t left and come back from this big move you were talking about. Maybe you should hold off until you’ve returned from that. If he is still single when you are back and you haven’t changed your mind about wanting to try again. Then I would see about contacting him. I wouldn’t get your hopes though. He might not be up for it or it might go right back south again. But if you do decide you want to try again. You need to tell him your sorry, you intend to try harder and you cannot pick on him for how he was handing things while broken up. It should sound something like. “I’ve been think about you and the way I handled our relationship. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing and it was poor timing with me planning to be gone that long. I let the pressure get to me and I wasn’t careful with your feelings and ended up doing somethings I see now was pretty hurtful. You were important to me and those feelings aren’t really gone. Sometimes it’s seems like maybe you might still think about it yourself. Sorry if I’m mistaken. But I’m currently single. If you are and I you still think it’s worth trying. I promise I will try harder for you. If not I totally understand and most of all I just really wanted you to know I’m really sorry and should have handled things better then I did. “


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