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Author Topic: Cheated on my ex...I still love him

May 30, 2020, 09:19:43 PM
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julia2995


Hi everyone, I need some advice on an ex situation that is really difficult and confusing for me. We started dating about a year ago, we met at work and he was very persistent with me. He had to ask me out many times before I said yes. He was 24 at the time and I was 23. We started dating, and our connection was great from the start. It actually began as more of a friendship before it was romantic, we didn't hook up until almost a month into us talking. Shortly after, the reality started to set in. I started to see his bad side, which was very possessive and controlling. He was the only guy I had ever dated who wanted to look through my phone because he didn't trust me.
I am going to be completely honest, I wasn't totally ready to commit, but this didn't mean I didn't love him. I loved him from the start but I was just coming out of a phase where I had been sleeping around. Long story short, I ended up cheating on him two months into our relationship. I was feeling trapped by him and having doubts. He found out the night it happened because I had been sharing my location with him (which I forgot to turn off) and knew that I wasn't home.
We broke up for 2 weeks but I still wanted him back. I wanted to change for him because I genuinely loved him. He took me back and we lasted for a few more months. I never cheated on him after that, but, he ended up finding "sexual" messages in my phone that I sent to another guy around the time we broke up for 2 weeks. We tried to make it work but it was really hard. I ended up moving home for 2 months which is an hour away from where he lives. Our relationship was semi long distance and this is when it fell apart. The roles reversed and I became the jealous and controlling one. He started going out more, and without me being there, I feared he was going to cheat on me to get back at me. Which he did. We broke up after he cheated on me back, in January of this year. We talked on and off for a few months but didn't see each other. I started seeing other people and so did he. At the start of quarantine, I actually had him blocked for a few weeks because I decided it was time to let go of the past. I ended up unblocking him out of boredom and he texted me first (which was really rare for him to text first) very shortly after I did this.
We started talking again and hooking up. I got my hopes up that we would get back together but he insists that he is still healing from what I did to him. It was the first time he had ever been cheated on and he didn't take it well.  He doesn't want to get back together now but says he isn't canceling anything out in the future.
I know how bad and unhealthy this all sounds, but my love for him is so strong that I am willing to drop everything for him. I feel foolish sitting and waiting for him to change his mind, but we have both tried to move on and both came back to each other for a reason. I'm not sure what to do moving forward, we actually just saw each other and hooked up last night and I'm trying to give him his space now. Do you think he'll change his mind in the near future or is it a lost cause? I want us to forget the past and just start over, but I can't make him unless he wants to as well.

June 03, 2020, 08:55:32 AM
Reply #1
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KellyKia


This sounds like a really confusing issue for you and I am sorry you have both had to go through it but I have to say this to you even if you won't want to hear it... The trust was never actually in your relationship (from what you said about him checking your phone) and a non trusting relationship will never work full term even with all of the love in the world between you.

Trust is the toughest thing to build between two people and with the situation as it is I think you both need to start from the beginning as friends and see if you can build from there.

 

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