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Author Topic: Boyfriend says he can "only be happy" if we live in a certain place ... Advice?

December 21, 2019, 04:42:00 PM
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Hi everyone.  Need some "neutral" advice please ...

My boyfriend and I have been together since August 2017 and we love one another to bits.  Things haven't been easy but, on the whole, we have made a lot of progress as a couple and we both genuinely want to have a future together.  However, we've hit a real 'issue' that I just can't see a way past ... and whenever we try to 'discuss' it it ends in an argument and tears :(

About a year before we met he bought a house in place W that he has completely renovated but has not yet lived in.  (I own my own house about 40 mins away).  He wants us to move to his house together however this would potentially mean me 'giving up' everything in my life (job that I love, netball club, friends etc) and being 'shoe-horned' into his life.  He will give no compromise whatsoever, repeatedly saying that he "can only be happy if we live in place W" and doesn't seem to understand that I feel that this place is more important than me or any future we could have.

I don't actually have a huge issue with place W - however I feel VERY uneasy about everything being on HIS terms and there being no flexibility or compromise at all ...

Advice please?

December 22, 2019, 05:53:49 PM
Reply #1


Maybe you could talk to HIM about why this place is so important to him? If you know why, it’s usually easier to understand and possibly find a compromise. He can’t expect you to give up everything, but maybe the 40 min distance is not as much of a problem as you think it is. You could try it for a little while without giving op your own place yet?

December 28, 2019, 03:51:44 AM
Reply #2


I would definitely sit down and discuss why his home is so important to him and try to find a compromise. It's a bit unsettling that he is, in a way, being emotionally manipulative and selfish by saying that he can't be happy anywhere else. Sometimes when a man won't compromise, it could be trouble, especially if you are always giving in. Maybe approach the subject after a nice meal so you are both relaxed and keep a steady voice level. If you want to have a future with him, this must be talked about.

December 29, 2019, 06:43:53 AM
Reply #3


It's not both of ya'll who lives in the same place...

January 03, 2020, 10:43:50 AM
Reply #4


Darling, it seems you should leave it. Don't be silent! You only make things worse for yourself. No one has the right to insult you and indicate what kind of mother you should be! First of all, you are a person who needs to rest at least sometimes. Yes, you are mom. So what? It does not deprive you of human rights. Judging by what you wrote, I think he is a tyrant! And you need to get away from him as soon as possible. Although, if you still love him, you can try contacting a family psychologist. And if you decide to leave, you can prepare the documents for a divorce yourself at Online Divorce Texas .
But it still seems to me that you need to leave so as not to torment each other. Indeed, in such relationships there is almost no love. There is an interesting article here - https://letschatlove.com/blog/relationships/why-do-people-cheat-on-their-partners/ . Read at your leisure.

April 06, 2020, 11:30:54 PM
Reply #5


April 08, 2020, 02:32:49 AM
Reply #6


The best that I would say behind everything that’s going on about making decisions where to move,

The best decision right now would be to not move in together at all, and compromise a way of separation and push further for a much more healthier and gladly relationship firsthand

So far the both of you are not super excited to agreeing living together cause the both of you have different concerns...

So best fix the current relationship until comfortability and excitement arise so that way you won’t have in differences in mind..


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