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Author Topic: Boyfriend's Behavior

May 02, 2019, 11:23:50 AM
Read 1460 times


We are older, in our 50's and 60's, dating for just less than 2 years. He works 70 hours a week and I have a very busy schedule myself, working 40 hours a week spread over 6 days. We used to have same days off until about 8 months ago when he changed jobs. We now do not have the same days off and the window to see each other is very small.....pretty much Saturday evenings after I am done with work. He is trying to retire and is working the hours he is to try to do so.

Like all relationships all was good in the beginning. His old job position was such that he could talk at work and we would spent 2-3 hours on the phone talking to each other every day. Seeing each other for dates 2-4 times in a month. He is very affectionate, we get along great! I think of him and my heart beats double time. I would notice he would pull away, not physically but he would distance himself which at first I didn't understand but I just watched without asking. he confessed to me he was scared because in his 25 years of being single he had not dated anyone as much as he had seen me. he told me the last time he spent this much time with anyone was with his ex-wife.

His daughter (32) moved in escaping from a bad marriage. He could not sleep at night, he was having disturbing dreams concerning the safety of his daughter. He went into daddy mode to give, help and protect which I found admirable and supported. He then switched jobs and that's when things started to run downhill, at least in my thinking. He no longer could talk on the phone at work, any cell phone use could get him fired. He took pics of the signs and showed them to me. He manged to get around it by using an ear piece and then calling me outside of the view of the cameras but I told him that it wasn't worth him getting caught. He works nights so while I am sleeping he is working and vise versa. So we are lucky now to get 2-3 conversations a week.

He does these wonderful things for me. Knowing we had rain coming and my windshield wipers were not good he came over after his work shift while I am in bed asleep and changed out my blades and would not take money for them. He put up smoke alarms for me and given me a ton of advise on how to do things in the yard and in the house. he has been a wonderful support and great friend. And at the same time I feel very alone just waiting for the time we can see each other again.

I do have my own life. I have friends, I do my own activities. I feel I have been very patient and I do understand his situation but I also feel we are just spinning our wheels in the mud.

This past Thanksgiving he was not sure if he had to work. I let him know when I was planning to eat if he didn't work. I had family and a girlfriend come over. An hor after he knew we were to eat he called, told me that he found out that morning that he didn't have to work. I asked if he wanted to come for dinner, we were still eating. he said that he'd be over later after the football game. Said he had not had the chance to watch one football game all season and just wanted some down time. He showed up at 8 pm, hew seemed surprised my family had already left....I guess he thought they were staying with me. We watched TV for 2 hours, that's it, and then he left. That bewildered me and hurt. This was a holiday for family and he chose to watch football? I then in my mind (not to him) questioned whether he had gone to someone's else's house for Tday dinner.

After that incident I broke things off with him. I gave him back his house keys. 10 days later he called me up asking if we could talk. He said that he loved me and I mean the world to him. He claims Tday he just wanted to do nothing. I took him back but I have questioned whether it was the right move.

My schedule will change in one more month and this will give us one same day off. I just wonder if it will make any difference.

May 08, 2019, 08:55:01 PM
Reply #1


I think that man really loves you and tries to be part of your life as much as he can.
He just wanted a time down the day he could.

I think you should maybe go to him too, and not let him come everytime to you .

Reorganise yourself, both of you, and make this wonderful relationship work please :)

May 17, 2019, 05:42:34 AM
Reply #2


It's true that if we have time constraints it becomes a little difficult to manage our personal lives. But as you have explained your situation above, it seems that the man loves you and tries hard to keep relationship with you. And you too are very supportive, there are only a few people who are understanding and co-operative and you are one of them, so I would suggest you to keep this relationship. Stay happy!

September 30, 2019, 04:37:45 PM
Reply #3


It seems like he cares a lot about you. I'd hold on to him and try to work through your issues if I were you because it is not easy to find someone who truly cares. I wish you the best!

February 27, 2020, 04:12:43 PM
Reply #4


My boyfriend and I are in our twenties and live together. His parents moved to the U.S. and mine live a couple hours from us. Every Christmas I invite him to my family's house because they really like him but he always stays at our place alone and plays video games and cooks himself a chicken. I look forward to when we have our own family and have Christmas together with kids but in the meantime he really enjoys being left alone in an empty house with no responsibilities. I guess it's more of a luxury at our age because we don't get as much time completely alone (as we live with housemates who all leave for Christmas) but I've accepted it and it's ok because I have my parents and siblings to celebrate with.


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