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Author Topic: Boundaries in relationship

October 06, 2019, 01:05:36 PM
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Frozenflower


I wasn't sure whether to post this in the Relationship or Sexuality forum but opted for this one now, I will explain later. Sorry but this is a bit long and goes into a bit of sexual detail.
My bf and I have been together for a year and a half, and I love him, no mixed feelings there. He is complicated and frustrating at times, but I am sure I am too. He has never been aggressive or abusive towards me. Our sex life is good, too. I have to admit that it’s more intense than I have known in previous relationships, but I enjoy it. Maybe that’s because he is quite dominant which has made me realise that I do enjoy the submissive role, we make a good fit.
There was something recently though which threw me a bit. We were in the middle of having sex when he asked me to “fight him off” while he kept going. I have never gone there before, but agreed because I am willing to try things. It was strange, and I did not enjoy it. Now I don’t have an issue with rough sex, but something here was off. I somehow felt totally out of control because I didn’t stand a chance against him. I also felt like he didn’t even care about me. I didn’t object so I am fully responsible too, so this is not where I am going with this.
I told him afterwards how I felt and he said he was sorry. Right after that he said we could try again sometime and make it better for me and that’s when I realised that this wasn’t going well. As I said earlier he has never been aggressive or physically harmed me in any way, and this was also consensual and I know I should not worry about it too much. There is just something about the level of detail in the things he wants to try next time (to make it better for me) which makes me think that he has a very clear fantasy in mind which has been set without me.
I love him and, yes, I would do this from time to time if it made him happy, but not always. The reason I am on the fence is because he is complicated, and I know I need to be a bit guarded. It’s the first time I felt like this in our relationship, until now I thought that we were a strong unit. I don’t want to throw it away but I also don’t want to be naïve. He has a thing for violence though he has not been in any trouble with the law in years, way before we met, so until now I never thought about this. He does, however, have a cluster B personality disorder and never sought any treatment apart from a court ordered one. I think I am wondering if I am on a slippery slope here. I don’t want to be stupid and get walked over.
Sorry if this was maybe a bit disjointed

 

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