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Author Topic: Being sneaky... is lying by omission actually lying?

March 27, 2019, 02:06:54 PM
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DaisyDolittle


Hello All, your advice would be very much appreciated.

I'm in a serious relationship at the moment, with my partner in the process of moving in.  He's a guy that finds it hard to communicate and I never push the talking thing, as I know he has difficulty addressing his own emotions let alone mine.

He recently started a new job and a new girl in his department started this month; it would appear (and yes, I've checked his phone as been cheated on more than once before) that they have hit it off and not only is he picking her up on a morning to go to work, but also taking her home.  They are whatsapping fairly regularly during the day and also at night (general chit chat, although he asked if she fancied a post birthday night out).  He has not mentioned the lifts, which I find odd.  He hardly speaks about this female, but I now recognise that when he is purposefully quiet about anyone, he generally likes them.  Had he been open about this - and lets face it - it's general type conversation stuff.

He kept an encounter with his ex from me last year and I'm puzzled as to the reasons behind this behaviour.  He is still married to his ex and from the get-go, has made me feel in competition with her.  She is apparently "remarkable" and "the love of his life".  And yes, I can hear you asking, why isn't he still with her?  She refused to work - I guess it got on his wick after so many years of that.

We've talked about his divorcing his wife on more than once occasion, a very emotive subject for me.  I got very upset last time, so much so that he asked his Mum for advice as to whether she felt me correct or not.  I'm not entirely comfortable with him moving while still married, but we have an agreement that a formal contract and rent book will be created when he's eventually moved in, purely to protect me.  His response to me, last time it was brought up (and I won't be raising the matter again) was, "the divorce will happen when it happens".  Again, I feel my feelings are in no way taken into account and shows a massive lack of respect for me.  He's done his two year separation and it's not like he's skint.

I'm very much in love with him, which makes the present difficulties hard to analyse/consider.  That said, I've been through too much in the past to tolerate much crap at my age.  Life's too short.

As my guy more or less refuses to communicate, how do I go about resolving this please... if at all?


March 29, 2019, 10:11:19 AM
Reply #1
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C4Warr10r


Yes, lying by omission is lying. And that's exactly your problem. You're lying to yourself, or at least in your post, about why you love this guy. If I could make a bet, I'd say you love him because he's already proven successful with women and you haven't had anything like him before. You're giving him the benefit of the doubt because you think you're going to get the better end of the deal. You're not communicating with him effectively because you know you risk what you think you're going to get.

Trust me, sister, I'm here for advice on marriage from older people, but I'm 37 and no newbie to love. He's lying to you because he wants to have it both ways. I'm very good at reading people, especially males, having been one my entire life, and a professional communications specialist to boot. My name may sound like I love plastic explosives, and I do, but it actually stands for Command, Control, Communications, and Countermeasures, the motto of the Marine Corps Communications Electronics School. "We train C4 warriors." I can hear little nuances in voices from across the airwaves, through scrambled static, or even in encrypted patterns.

My own fiancée wonders how I know her so well. It's because I listen, and sorry, I'm not up for sale. But I can tell you that your man isn't really yours, and you aren't really his. Just look at the way you express yourself. Life is too short?  For what, exactly? I bet I know. Won't speak for you, but I know a regret when I hear it.

As for him, hell, you only need to look at his actions. He's not communicating because he doesn't want to tell you the truth. Either that or you're a very poor listener. Everyone gives cues as to their intent in the way they speak and act, Daisy. From what I've heard, you think you're going to beat this wife of his in a competition for a man who lies. Listening even deeper than that, further into your character and his, you are deeply unsatisfied with yourself.

I daresay you need a better man, a more responsible man, because the man you are with is weak. All men can be weak, including me. I have been sinful, I have more blood on my hands than most ever see in a lifetime, all for the wicked cause of good as defined by people who wish to make a different world. There is no different world, ma'am. Save maybe God's wisdom.  There is only this world, and the beauty a man and a woman can make together in creating better things through their efforts, through what they choose to pass to their children. What they learn and build together.

I'm no woman, I can't think like a woman, but I have listened to women and I'm fairly sure that's what you want. A better man. The best advice I can give you in this case is to be a better woman of your own accord. Men will suffer and die, launch a thousand ships and climb the highest mountains, build the greatest machines and solve the most impossible problems for a good woman and a good family. You're not being such a woman now. You're a mistress, and please forgive my rudeness, but that makes you a whore.

You are selling yourself and your dignity as a woman for what? To be degraded so you can hope to steal a man away from his wife? I'm sure you have many personal reasons for your feelings, but that is just inexcusable. Indeed, if you want to talk about them, I'm here for you. Like I said, professional communicator. But the motives there are just wrong. They're the reason for your misery. I would speak to your boy the same way.

Now if you want your own man, you need to start behaving like a woman so you can attract one. Not a woman like other women, just your kind of woman, as long as it's a woman and not something weird. Trust me, there are tons of males who, amazingly, are very different and want certain kinds of women. You be the woman you want to be and they will arrive.

Beyond that, I can't speak to the quality of relationship you're going to get. You seem like a submissive sort, not my kind of woman. Yet you are here and so are plenty of males. Take my advice or don't, as you prefer.

April 24, 2019, 03:09:04 PM
Reply #2
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Bec


Thanks for the heads up on WhatsApp. I believe my boyfriend is chatting with another. But not by actual phone number texting. 

 

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