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Author Topic: Am I the other woman or serious?

March 13, 2019, 07:40:06 PM
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I met him at work. At the beginning he kept coming by my desk with an issue and I thought nothing of it. Then we worked on a project together and bonded. After the project, we started to hang out outside of work more and more until one night we got pretty drunk and ended up at mine and hooking up.

We continued to hangout and hook up until one day I overheard that he had a girlfriend from another colleague. When I asked him, he didn’t deny it but said the situation is complicated but he wanted to continue to see me because he really liked me and I made him feel  alive and there’s no pressure around me.

Later I also found out his girlfriend of 4 years (majority being long distance) wanted to get married and has been pressuring him to do so. He refuses to get married because he’s not ready and has told her continuously. We continued to see each other, completely passionate and obsessed with each other. We text all day and night and see each other several nights a week. He usually leaves around 4 am. I don’t know what he says to her and I don’t know how he gets away with it.

Sometimes he has hickeys all over and just tells her he dropped some weights at the gym. He said he feels guilty for ruining her life. She left her good job in the US to be with him abroad and she’s miserable without her friends. He complains about how he pays for everything because she has no money as well.

Over the months he told me she’s leaving the country after her school finishes but then she started an internship and the extension went from October to December to January to February to now July. She got an extension of her contract and now In July she will either get a full time contract or go back to the US. If she gets a full time contract, she will move out and find her own place.

He told me at least 3 times he broke up with her or tried to tell her but she wouldn’t take it seriously. Her social media indicates they are still together and once I saw their messages and he still talks to her sweetly using the same nicknames that he uses with me. When i confronted him about it, he said he doesn’t talk to us the same way at all and that because he always talks to me using those nicknames sometimes it just slips out. But would you really use love or babe or cutie with your supposedly ex or close to ex? It’s odd.

He says that he can’t completely break up with her right now because they live together and he doesn’t want to make the situation unbearable and awkward especially after everything she sacrificed for him. He said he’s never met anyone who loved him more than she does and he can’t just kick her out on the street and that he still has morals but he promises me that regardless of everything that honestly he has not had sex with her since we started hooking up (9 months ago) and doesn’t tell her he loves her or make out with her.

We have been on two trips together, both being amazing and spend a lot of time together at my house. We are already saying we love each other and he talks about the future together. We laugh a lot and are very passionate/creative in bed.

However, He has lied to me about a few things like after our first week trip in December he had to attend a mutual friends wedding with her. He didn’t stay in the same room as her but it was a few days including New Years and he said she asked him to pretend to be normal because she didn’t want her friends to know. They already think she’s stupid for moving to another country for him and she cares a lot about what her friends think of her. All her friends are married or engaged as well.

I accepted that but then on her Instagram there was a photo of them together where her caption was “beautiful couple” so I was confused and felt hurt. He said her friends wanted to take their photo and he couldn’t refuse and he’s not even smiling in the photo.

Then another time his friends from the US came to visit him and he took them up to the mountains, they were only going (she was not invited) but then a few days later when I saw him I thought it was suspicious with the way he had been acting and asked to see his phone. He immediately got defensive but eventually relented and gave me his phone which is how I found out about the nicknames and also that there is no way they really broke up because you don’t talk to your ex so affectionately.

He also tried to turn the table on me and said “of course she came” i had to refresh his memory and told him I have the message that says otherwise. He said she came later with her friend suddenly deciding to come and he couldn’t refuse.

However on her Facebook she posted a photo and I found out it was her birthday and she said it was the best weekend a birthday girl could ask for with the people. So that doesn’t add up. Since then I tried no contact but lasted 5 days.

In those 5 days he tried to see me once and I told him what I saw on his phone then he wrote me that he loved me and few days later tried to call me once then day 5, he told me when I am ready he’d like to speak with me. I finally gave up and told him I was ready but I suppose I wasn’t ready to let him go.

Since then we are back to the routine of meeting at my house several nights a week and texting all day and an emphasis of him telling me that right now he can’t change the situation until July. We don’t really hang out with other people because everyone at work knows he has a girlfriend so it’s usually always just us two or rarely with my friends.

I don’t know if he really means to be with me seriously or if he is just stringing me along. Note that his work contract is also finishing in July and he doesn’t know yet if he will be renewed and is stressed so I am trying not to pressure him.

But I don’t know what to do because he is not a very open person and truly believes that hiding information is not the same as lying. If I don’t ask specific questions, he doesn’t feel it necessary to tell me but then I ask and i feel like a stalker and i keep asking him to be more open with me which he says he is trying but he’s never had to do that before so it’s hard.

I don’t know what to do because he said he only said I love you to two women in his life: his current girlfriend and me. When he’s drunk he tells me he wants to be with me and chooses me and he has to be a man.

But sometimes I feel like he’s cant choose. He loves her and me we both provide a different thing for him and he doesn’t know. Should I stay until July? See how it goes or try to stop again? His behavior is so contradicting..I sometimes think he’s a psycho!

Sometimes I feel insecure about how he really feels because he’s not very affectionate and maybe he doesn’t really care but then he would do something to make me happy again. He doesn’t really chase after me when I’m upset but is a professional at deflecting and turning the tables back on me saying I’m crazy or he really doesn’t understand why I am upset. It’s all very confusing and I don’t know what to do... does anyone even understand his behavior?

March 18, 2019, 09:38:43 AM
Reply #1


Unfortunately it sounds like you are most definitely the other woman. From personal experience once a cheater always a cheater. He is good at manipulating the two of you into believing every word he says. If he’s willing to cheat on her he would do the same to you baby girl. Do what makes you happy but I’m telling you this does not end well. Whether it be soon or years from now, he’s going to break your heart. From personal experience it sounds like he’s in love with his girlfriend but they have some kind of problems in their relationship that need to be worked on and he’s going to someone else for that emptiness. If I were you, I would message his girlfriend and tell her everything because she deserves to know the whole truth and so do you. Also, if he truly is being honest with you he would have left his girlfriend whether the situation is awkward or not she would find somewhere else to live without him. And by you continuing to be ok with everything he is doing is making him believe he can continue to get away with it and take advantage of both of his girlfriends kindness. Good luck, people can be so cruel and manipulative only caring about their own happiness even if it hurts others in the process. I hope you find your happiness and don’t settle for anything less, there’s a better man out there who’s going to give his all to you and only you. Don’t give up until you find that ❤️


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