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Author Topic: Am I being too sensitive?

September 14, 2019, 10:57:21 AM
Read 1083 times


Ok so quick background
We were both married (my husband was sexually abusive)... had affairs... come out to our partners..  divorced... re starting our lives together... currently living separately with parents ... about to move in together. (NO KIDS)

I love him more than i ever thought it was possible to love someone. He is 12 years older than me (i am 33) and cant wait to live with him. Obviously when we were having an affair our sex lives were pretty hot. Couldn't keep our hands off of each other.

Now though it seems when we have the odd time to just ourselves due to living with our parents and only seeing each other at the weekend, hes never into it. It's always me initiating and I'm tired of being pied off. Hes too tired is often the case and instantly falls asleep no matter what time of the day when i try it on with him (it literally just happened again an hour ago).

I dont want to be too pushy and the last thing I want is for him to feel pressured. But I cant help but wonder why he doesnt seem to want me anymore. Am i wrong to be upset? If this was roles reversed would I be viewed as abusive by getting upset when he says no? That's the last thing I want but I just dont know what's wrong and I'm feeling pretty down on myself and unattractive because of it. What do I do? Any advice would be much appreciated.

September 22, 2019, 09:23:15 PM
Reply #1


First of all, there's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your partner, and it's normal to feel hurt or disappointed when he rejects your advances. How you handle it matters, but I don't think you're being too sensitive and I don't think you should feel guilty about it. His age might have something to do with it, but stress could also be getting to him. Both of you living with your parents can complicate things as well. My guess would be he really doesn't feel like he can perform right now.

I used to have a similar problem with my boyfriend. We're both 33. For a few months, I was worried my drive might be higher than his or he might be less physically attracted to me. I quietly agonized about it for months until I just couldn't take it anymore and had to ask what was up. He explained that he was never this sexual in his previous relationships so he thought because it was more than he was used to, we were doing it a TON. I don't need to go into that, but it explained a lot. We live together now and we're having sex a lot more often.

I think you have to ask him as nicely as you can. You don't want him to feel like he's letting you down, but he needs to know that sex matters to you and that it's important for you both to be happy.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2019, 09:25:37 PM by LittleLotte »

September 23, 2019, 12:58:44 AM
Reply #2


I agree with the previous response. I think you should just explain to him the importance of being intimate to you and ask him what his thoughts are on this issue for the two of you.

January 29, 2020, 08:24:28 AM
Reply #3


There's not much to add here. First response is already pretty complete.

Up to you how you deal with it. Id suggest you explain that it's important to you and leave I there. Dont pressure him more than that. Just let him know. If you still aren't satisfied after a little while and don't feel like it's worth waiting there's nothing wrong with seeking happiness elsewhere

Intimacy is an important part of any romantic relationship. There's only so long one can go feeling unwanted.
If there's history there id suggest you give him some time.
Just don't make yourself miserable waiting
All the best

February 21, 2020, 05:37:18 PM
Reply #4


I would speak with him properly and explain how your feeling. Good luck

March 07, 2020, 12:32:44 AM
Reply #5


hi gal, I was in your shoes before. and here's an article that really helped me when I was struggling at the bottom.
I hope it could give you some enlightenment and inspiration like it helped me  :)


wish you have a great future with your loved one.


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