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Author Topic: Advice

May 17, 2019, 08:05:25 AM
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Jolz010


So over the last couple of months I’ve lost my job and unfortunately got into a habit of drinking heavily due to feeling down about it and boredom. My partner knows i drink we drink together but it started to become a lot more to the point where I would drink before he returned from work then not tell him how much. 😬 I didn’t like hiding this from him but was also embarrassed to actually tell him so I built up the courage to. He was taken aback as he didn’t expect it and feels I can’t be happy with him if I’m drinking secretly? I said I’m more than happy with you it’s not that it’s more because I was embarrassed to tell you and I was so bored most days. Where we live there are just pubs. At the stage now where personally I feel better opening up to him and I’ve now stopped however he naturally doesn’t believe me and says how do I know when you’re telling the truth because  you’ve lied to my face. The problem I have is I’m really big on lying , I hate it (contradicting I know) but I’m now worried because I’ve lied he could lie to me about stuff and think it’s ok because I have like cheating. I believe he would never hurt me but I have hurt him with the drinking. I’m the most loyal person ever I’ve been hurt and cheated on all my life so I’m terrified of it happening again so on one hand it’s food I’ve stopped drinking and he can begin to see me improving but I’m the other I know he’s lost a lot of respect for me so he may just think oh I’m gonna go cheat. To me drinking and hiding it is different than cheating and hiding it or is it? So confused ☹️ Feeling really down.

May 18, 2019, 11:54:10 PM
Reply #1
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Michelle


Well, yes, cheating and hiding it is a lot different than drinking and hiding. Did he cheat after you told him you were drinking more then he thought? If that is the case, you should have a serious talk with him because it seems he just cheated to get back at you. If that is the case is he going to do that every time there is a major problem in your relationship. That does not seem OK.

May 24, 2019, 02:41:40 AM
Reply #2
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matahari


cheating has nothing to do with drinking in secret. I felt compelled by your message, as i am an addict. I am not saying in any way that you are, but felt like sharing my perspective on it since you shared having  difficulty managing your alcohol consumption lately,It doesn't really matters the drug/conduct of choice. I realized years ago the impact of it on my life in general, especially my marriage.
The best advice i ever heard to reclaim my life, my marriage was to stop thinking that someone or something  else is gonna make you happy, that I had to really make an inventory of myself to then free myself and find meaning, purpose in my life.
My husband somewhat stuck by me, even at times we were emotionally separated, he has always known my addictive tendencies, as he had some too but a much better handle than me.
Focus on yourself, found out why you are bored, the underlying issues, it is hard, i still to this day struggle with my erratic emotions but have a better understanding oh myself and look forward again. My marriage is still having issues, but working on ourself help us to work on our marriage. its like the analogy with the safety instruction in a plane, put the mask on you first otherwise you might not be able to help your kid or other person, its the same here, reconnect with your self, then you can reconnect with your husband, on maybe a deeper level than before. Being honest with him, telling him how you feel without criticism or resentment, focusing on yourself, he needs to be reassured that you will be honest with him, if he really loves you, he will support you, and be more understanding as you long as he can feel that you can be authentic with him.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2019, 02:49:38 AM by matahari »

 

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