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Author Topic: A little bit disheartened by my boyfriends lack of desire to move forward

July 08, 2020, 07:19:29 AM
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Hello, I don't know what sort of advice I'm looking for to be honest so any suggestions welcome.

A bit of context - I've been with him for 5 years, we own a property, and have two cats. We've discussed marriage at length because I feel that as a decision that affects the rest of my life as well as his, I'd like to know we're both on the same page and can set expectations, rather than him proposing when he sees fit and I'm caught off guard (not my idea of a good time).

We're both on the same wavelength about what we want for the future and everything, and he has suggested a date for the wedding in 2 years time. He isn't the most aware of what goes into planning a wedding, even a low-key one like what we want so he's not thought about actually proposing yet, even though he asked me to send him a list of ring styles I like.

I've brought it up because I want to know it's coming (not the day, time, location etc) and was hoping that it'd be in a place that's really special to us that we're planning on going to later this year. We've got a really open and communicative relationship so I gave a cheeky ask "are you going to do it in September?" and he said he doesn't know, and that he's worried about paying for a wedding because of the recent property purchase.

I totally understand the financial implications of buying a property and organising a wedding within 3 years, but both of our families are well off, we both have good jobs, and have ample savings so it seems a bit of a cop out, especially since he suggested the date and hasn't ever mentioned finances when we've discussed weddings in the past.

It feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth because it came out of nowhere and when I tried to talk about it more he point blank ignored me and started typing away on his computer and that was it. When I left he just said "well, what do you want me to say?"

I asked him if he had any other reservations because, as far as I've been aware, we both wanted marriage and a future together, so it seems odd that this has come out of nowhere. I'm worried I blind-sighted him with my question but at the same time, I think that my feelings should be taken into consideration rather than just his -  I'm just as entitled to express my desire to marry him in the near future as much as he is to tell me he doesn't want to.

I'm very confused and rather upset about it. Am I being petty or pushy or unreasonable? How can I rectify this without pushing him away?

July 20, 2020, 02:46:48 AM
Reply #1


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August 02, 2020, 12:17:02 AM
Reply #2


Hi hun, are you thinking of trying to marry him during this pandemic? Because if you are, I could see how it could stress or worry him. How about asking for just a court legalized marriage and then plan out a ceremony later when the whole pandemic dies down.


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