(This is the background if you don't want to read it skip to the third part)


To begin how my friend and I met, we both went to a summercamp. There are two parts to the camp, a section for elementary/junior high kids, and highschool kids. I went my first year to the younger camp, but because of my age I was pushed to the older section of camp. I though it sucked at first because I had to learn to make friends with strangers(gasp). Lately around the time of attending this camp, I found a game I loved called Undertale, so I started learning the songs on piano. 2 weeks in the camp a late camper from France shows up and starts talking to the weirdo unsocial girl(me). For me I'm just thinking: wHat in tHe hEcK, w0T? Because of my awkward personality most people didn't want to befriend me. ANYWAY... I taught the late camper who I'll call G. piano. (Turns out he was an awkward socializing person too) Towards the end of the camp, he asked me to final ball.(Final ball was basically prom I think?*Never been to prom thing) He admitted that he loved me and I guess I did to because I didn't know what else to call those happy awkward emotions I felt around him.

Second year rolls around, its his 1st class year, and its my 2nd class year. He once again arrives late to camp because his school is has a different schedule. The rest of camp goes by quickly and our relation together became to what would be considered "dating", but we're both gaming nerds and because Undertale was a huge factor in our friendship, we called each other "Best Friends" The end finally comes and we say our final goodbyes and I love you's.

I had never been the affectionate type of girl, I've always been what my family called, a "tomboy". After meeting G I had never felt so wholesome before, but when he left I had never felt such a hole in my heart. Honestly I don't like these "feels" because everything is so new to me and confusing. G and I's loving friendship still is there, but its fading away because he lives in Paris while I still remain in the USA. The only advice from my friends are "its  your first love you'll get over it in 10 years" or "He still loves you so what the problem?" Even though my friend and I call every now and then I don't know why I still feel "dead inside"(insert edgy)
Anyone know how to deal with the "feels" that I have?