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Author Topic: 11 year relationship...he cheated

July 18, 2019, 12:50:21 AM
Read 1571 times


I am going to be as short as possible,

We have been together for 11 years, I found out this past March that he has been cheating for almost a year, I found out through facebook which I do not have I had a friend look for me and we put two and two together contacted the girl and then he started calling and texting me and showed up at my work over eveything. I came home cried, threw up everything...and forgave him...

but he is the type to get up in the morning and leave and be gone ALLLLLLLLday and if i text or call him ... hahaha you can hang it up he will not answer I dont know where he goes and to be honest I just dont care 

Well yes I shouldnt have done what I did but I also went out and cheated and I have actually found someone else, He does not live in Tennessee he lives in another state about 8 hours away, We have not met face to face but we do talk EVERY day constantly,

Anyway, I do love the guy ive been with but its not the same, hes such a dick about everything he is trying to control everything and demanding my respect and that I am going to do what ever he says.

I just dont see this working out at all... but 11 years is a long time Im only 27 this is my only real boyfriend .. so i dont know what to do ... everyone says to leave,

August 03, 2019, 01:38:51 AM
Reply #1


This is called the sunken cost fallacy in economics, but it occurs in many areas of life.

It's like a Black Jack table. People invest a bunch of money into it, start winning, then start losing, but because of that sunken cost, that investment, they don't want to leave the table.

It makes no LOGICAL sense, but to your emotions you will do anything to avoid LOSS.

The caveat is that sunken costs are in fact SUNK.

It's life. You make a decision and it takes you to a destination and then maybe that destination sucks. But, the worst thing you can do is spend 1,2,3,5,10 more years on it because then you look back and think, "Shit - even more time wasted."

In short, time invested is no reason to stick around and invest MORE time if things are already bad.

August 05, 2019, 09:23:46 PM
Reply #2


Yes choose you!!!
Life is here for you to enjoy!

Please answer, some or all questions.

1 When was the last time you put you first? Pampered yourself, stood up for yourself, did what really felt good to you and how did you do it?

2 Which online communities are/were you a member of?
How many of these communities did you join in the last 3 years and why?

3 Who else is involved in the buying decisions?

4 Where are you planning to be 3 years from now?

5 Are you ready to feel good most of the time and live a life full of bliss?

6 Why do you feel that now could be a good time to transform your life,for the better, from the inside out?

7 What could be / are your main motivations to become a deep( emotional) diver and face life fearlessly claiming G.O.A.T*  in your field of skills and talents?
*Greatest Of All Time.

8 How do you feel when I tell you that you can BE, DO, and HAVE anything you desire?

9 If so, Who or what else but you and your thinking are holding you back from transforming, growing and living your best life now?

10 When are you going to shine (more) light on your authentic life journey, your life purpose, your soul mission and Focus on the brighter clues and aspects of your life path?

Thanks a lot for the effort and think about what you want! Not everything you lose is a loss 🤔

August 16, 2019, 12:54:58 AM
Reply #3


Nothing wrong with what you did. You cheated on him in spite of what he did. Good job. This relationship sounds like it's coming to an end. I suggest you move on, so you don't waste your blood sweat and tears on a nobody, because if he can cheat on you once, imagine if you marry the guy. He'll cheat on you again, and again, and you won't be able to trust him anyways. Good luck my friend.
*Link Removed*

August 19, 2019, 07:17:35 PM
Reply #4


I agree with Roosje in that you should spend some time focusing on yourself and making yourself feel good again. Your personal happiness should not be dependent on another person.

My personal opinion is that part of our problem in society is the language used in these kind of problems or issues. Using the word 'cheating' for instance is a value judgement on someone which just creates a negative context for both the people involved. I think it tends to absolve or disconnect the wounded party from the reason for the infidelity and increases the likelihood of a bitter end of a relationship - either the 'victim' being unable to trust and forgive, or the other 'adulter' being swallowed by guilt. If the couple genuinely want to move on and repair their relationship I really believe that there has to be some kind of forgiveness and a letting go of guilt, and acknowledging that this happened, these were the reasons why it happened, and then see what what can be done to reconcile and move forward.

Nothing is ever simple, and especially so for why people have sex outside their relationship, so I don't think it is easy to find answers elsewhere because all people and situations are different, but I do think you coming here and sharing your situation and others giving their thoughts or talking about their experiences can help you piece together a way to sort your own situation out. Following what some one else did that worked for them, may not work for you because the variables are different.

Also, I would also mention that I think when we enter into relationships many of us have too high expectations of what a relationship is or should be and in a lot of cases we humans do not take account of how much we change throughout life - and that change is completely normal. You have probably changed so much from the person you were when you entered into the relationship with him, and his is probably very different from what he was then too. And I think that happens throughout out our lives, but in relationships we behold ourselves to the decisions we made when younger and first entered the relationship.

I am by no means a relationship expert but maybe the relationships that stand a better chance of lasting are those where both parties realise they have changed and have acknowledged that and are comfortable with it.

August 24, 2019, 08:08:47 AM
Reply #5


She said she was sorry and that she would stop immediately, but even since then condoms have been mysteriously disappearing and reappearing in her purse. I want to forgive her, in my heart I have, but in my head I need to get out. The only thing keeping her with me is that I think all she wants is the house we live in. We bought it in November of 2013 using my retirement savings for the down payment. She brought absolutely no money into the purchase of the house, which didn't bother me at the time, but now I feel like she is just going to screw me right out of my house (which doesn't even feel like home for me anymore) and my future, but thanks to
The expertise of


all her mischievous acts were revealed by their expertise.
try them out to find out the truth about your affair.

August 24, 2019, 08:10:33 AM
Reply #6


I didn't know what to do and who to turn to. I don't have many friends and none that can really help me emotionally. I have a small family and I don't want them to know of what my wife has done because they still love her too and I don't want them thinking less of her. It's kinda funny how almost a year ago she came to me and said she felt trapped in our marriage, but it was really me who is trapped. Trapped my heart, trapped by her, but thanks to


all her mischievous acts were revealed by their expertise.
try them out to find out the truth about your affair.


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