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Author Topic: 1 year, exclusive, but been weird...

October 06, 2019, 12:26:25 AM
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RetroScorpio


I'll try to shorten but there's a lot that goes into this that all adds up so I apologize for the lengthy explanation.

Last year I started a friends with benefits relationship with a guy after another guy we both knew used me for sex, led me on, then dumped me because I didn't like him inviting a girl he'd slept with to my birthday party.

I'd previously been in a very abusive relationship, where I'd been emotionally, mentally, financially, sexually abused and living in threat of physical abuse for 5 years. I was diagnosed officially with PTSD earlier this year due to the abuse. I already had Major Depressive Disorder (Clinical depression) from a combination of genetics and verbal/emotional abuse as a child

The guy I'm currently seeing has been amazing. He's helped me so much in dealing with my mental health issues and has been really understanding, always checks on me and has talked me off the ledge more than once when I was unable to deal so I'm really very attached to him.

He has his own problems and deals with depression also and we try to pick each other up. He's been hurt in the past and blames himself for a lot of his relationships not working and tries to convince me he's not good for me despite him literally being the best man to ever enter my life since my grandfather died when I was 15.

Fast forward to the last few weeks, we had a bit of an argument, which led us to finally talk about what we were. Both of us were anxious because of our pasts but we finally came to a "we're dating but still not ready to use the titles yet" he admitted he was attached to me, we've been exclusive this whole time, and yet after that conversation he seems more and more distant.

I've been having to initiate most of our sexual/intimate times, and I'm getting to the point where I feel like he does it just because.

This past week I had my birth control changed and its made my hormones crazy, I told him that it made me really horny and asked if we could do something, he said that that was fine, not with really a lot of enthusiasm and when I tried to initiate he got irritated with me and went to bed. I joined him and then he wanted me to get him off.

I thought he'd return the favor like he always does so I did it, and nothing... He wouldn't even spoon with me.

I've never had this issue with a guy, I've always had the opposite problem. Everyone freaks me out saying "If he's not doing you he's doing someone else." But hes reclusive, I know everyone he talks to (we share a lot of mutual friends) he's also super open as I'm not a jealous person. I had asked him before if this relationship was just sexual and he told me it wasn't so I don't know if he's trying to prove that to me somehow, maybe? He knows my past so it's possible.

Its making it hard for me. I've gained weight from stress of school and working full time and I've always had self-esteem and body issues so now I'm worried I'm just no longer attractive to him and I've started to lose my appetite and starve myself because I'm worried that's part of it. I do have a tendency to over think things so I've asked a few friends to get outside perspectives but they all get upset over it saying they've never heard of a guy turning down sex like that unless they were cheating.

I've had too many failed relationships and I just feel like giving up. I feel emotionally tired, I don't know how to bring it up to him to talk about it. It could be his medication as I know a lot of antidepressants can kill your libido but he never mentioned changing meds and we had sex a lot before this. Which is why I feel like its me.

I don't know what to do. I know I don't want to give up yet but I'm just so tired.

Sorry for the long drawn out explanation, but I didn't want to just say "my boyfriend isn't sleeping with me" because there's more to it.

Thanks for reading! I really appreciate any feedback!

 

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