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Author Topic: Wife Brings Up Her Past Constantly

July 23, 2019, 11:42:38 AM
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INeedHelp


I need help.

My wife and I will be married 4 years in the next week. We’ve had a pretty good marriage and I love her unconditionally.

She keeps bringing up her past though. She was my first girlfriend and I knew I loved her. I married her and will always love her. She has had several sexual relationships. No penetrating sex, but letting guys touch her, touching other guys, oral with them, etc. Everything but penetration.

I honestly don’t care. I’ve told her. Even after she’s told me scarring statements - like mine is the smallest she’s seen. Whatever. I just love her.

But she takes me through a torturous hell every other day, literally multiple times a week. She seems off and I can sense it. I ask what’s wrong. She tells me about some past guys relationship with her and his junk. She says she doesn’t want to think about it, it just happens. We are Christians. I told her the past is the past and it’s okay. It’ll always be a memory. Just let it pass and not affect you.

She lets it affect her to the point where it’s affecting us though. She lets the past guys and their huge junk areas control our marriage. She’s focused on them more than us.

For example, we had sex yesterday. It was probably the best we’ve had because I got a toy to spice it up. It drove her wild and we did things we haven’t ever done. It was wonderful. 2 hours later I mentioned how great it was and she was off. She told me she was thinking about other guys during it. That is pretty horrific for me to experience.

I still love her.

But it obviously hurts to the point of permanently scarring us. I don’t know what to do. She says it doesn’t matter who we talk to or what she does, it’ll always be in her mind and always affect her.

I can’t keep living this way even though I love her. It’s causing me massive emotional hurt that almost makes me incapacitated to function throughout the day at all.

Please give me advice. I need it badly. Thank you.

July 24, 2019, 02:09:55 PM
Reply #1
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mb123


She's taking you for a fool, have strong words with her and tell her it's not ok

July 24, 2019, 07:53:27 PM
Reply #2
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eventually


If you find this hurtful you should make it clear it is hurtful. If she continues to hurt you then the relationship should end. However, before you get there instead of just telling her they are memories, get her to talk about them and find out why she needs to talk about them. Is she frustrated sexually? Does the talking dirty turn her on? Does feeling slutty turn her on? Does she feel a need to tell you because of guilt but comes out as bravado?  Does she for some reason think it will arouse you and make you keen to 'take her' and make her yours? With both of you having such limited sexual experience it is quite possible there is miscommunication and different expectations. 

 

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