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Author Topic: what is going on - should I give up or keep trying...

March 14, 2019, 12:07:31 PM
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Hi - will try to keep this as brief as possible but its a long story... I met a girl at work about 16 months ago and immediately we both felt a strong connection. Our kissing and chemistry was just off the scale. I was in the middle of going through a divorce, we kept meeting and ending up in bed together but originally she didn't want to go further until my divorce completed and I lived alone. We did have some issues during this time, she lied to me a few times about trying to meet single guys at times we didn't meet for a while.

After five months, the connection got stronger so we decided to be a couple and meet regularly etc. After 10 months, I got a new job and had to move 450 km away... she wasn't happy but agreed to support this. My divorce still hadn't completed by this time.... 1 month after I moved away, she got frustrated at the lack of time together and we had a cold couple of weeks. She decided to go to a single party with her friend, I only found out via a mutual friend.

I was very hurt that she'd lied about trying to meet new guys again so I told her not to contact me again. I met someone else a few weeks later who was very attractive and very affectionate but I just didn't feel anything as all I could think about was my previous relationship. Then I saw a social media post when my ex was out with a new guy which made me extremely jealous. So I ended the new relationship and contacted my ex.

She was very hurt that I'd cut her off, and lashed out at me a lot. However, when she found out my divorce was complete she changed her tone a lot. She said she'd met a new guy who'd been nice to her, she didn't know what it was or when it would end, but she wanted to see, she then asked questions all day about whether I'd want to be with her again if the relationship ended, and talking in great detail about how it would be, how many kids, where we'd live etc. We then met up when I visited her home town - she initiated it when she found I was meeting other mutual friends.

We met, I told her I still had strong feelings and now that my divorce was complete and I lived alone I wanted to try again. She told me she still loved me, she stared at me constantly and said "if only you'd came back sooner our lives would be perfect...", and told me that her new relationship was not the same level of emotions, he was too serious, he didn't show emotions, he only had work in his life, she was concerned he didn't seem to want children as she does, and she didn't know what it would be, it could end in 1 week, 1 month or whenever, but she couldn't just leave him as he'd been very nice to her for 3 months. We left that week agreeing not to keep in touch, but that she'd contact me if her relationship ended.

The following week, she messaged to say she was thinking of me, sending a kiss, and saying she wanted to make a decision in the next few weeks as it wasn't right to drag the situation too long. Then, the next week, she called me on Monday to say she wanted to hear me, she'd been with the new guy all weekend but thought only of me, he didn't know how to show emotions and she really missed how I behaved when we were in the car together, and in bars and clubs, and she'd cancelled plans to have a weekend away with him in a few weeks. She then called later to say she wanted to clear all our issues from the past relationship so that if she was free soon we could start from a clean page. We had a very long chat which I thought had cleared everything up. However, I called her one week later, just to say I was thinking of her, and got a very negative response.

She said that she'd been very upset by some of the things we'd discussed, had cried all evening and all through the night. She then said she'd decided to continue with the new relationship and had agreed to go on the trip. She said that he'd started to show his emotions so she now thought it could work. I was shocked by this, I thought the chat had gone well, and that if it hadn't, she'd have told me. I told her I was disappointed that she'd been so impulsive in making this decision. I called her the following day and tried to make her feel better about the parts of the chat which had upset her. She thanked me and it said it had calmed her down a lot. I asked if we could meet up, she said only if it was light chat only, so I've agreed so far.

What do you think is going on here? She is usually so hot and cold so this is not unusual... she is extremely emotional and also extremely attention hungry... my feeling is currently she is liking the attention and control she has with the new guy, even though she still seems to have strong feelings for me, but currently its easier for her to take the attention and care and not face up to the difficult feelings from our relationship, and last week's misunderstanding has really pushed her to the new guy....for now....


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