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Author Topic: what i should i have to do. Thing is so complicated now

January 01, 2019, 08:13:55 PM
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teddytr


i am sorry it gonna be long.

I am 28, only have 1 relationship, so you can say i am no expert in love. I had a 7 years relationship with my highschool sweet love. We had been through a lots, we sacrificed all of our youth for each other, even our all blood. But in the end she had to give up because i was always far away when the time she need me most. I blame myself for that, i was too focus in our future, so i did not see her need feeling. That why i took me 4 years to truly gave up on her, when i knew she has a happy family.

Still i did not want any relationship because i just didn't feel right and it is not easy for me to have feeling for anyone at all.

But 1 day, i came to visit my friend. We share same ideas for a bussiness. So i jumped all the way from AZ to MA to be partner. We shared a house together.

At that time he knew i was single, he tried to introduce me to some girls, but i just politely refused with some stupid excuses.

He lives with his girlfriend, who has a younger sister. She is 18, she is young and shy, but full of curiosity for the world. I grew a like for her, because she remind me about my younger self. Like all big bro, i took care her a lots ( i am a " nice guy type", who love to take care another people's thing). But for her, i just truly care about her, i took care when she was sick, sad, even more than her older sister take care of her.

Little by little she had feeling for me, she shared everything with me, even something not with her sister. At some point she even told me that she doesn't agree with the relationship between her sister and my friend , because it makes her mother sad (to be honest my friend is a girl, who is LGBT, and we are Asian, both our family are old school). I never tell my friend about that.

My friend warned me about her, that is not someone for me. But seriously who care if you really have a feeling for someone. But i did concerns about the fact she just broke up with her boyfriend for 3 months. I did not want to be in any drama ( for love i have a fragile heart, which is easily break). I try not to rush anything.

1 night, she cried with me and confessed her feeling. She wanted to know about my feeling for her. I told her i had feeling for her too, but i needed her to sure about her, because she is too young and may have some confusing. We agreed to go slow.

After couples days, she was sick, she wanted to cut class, she asked me to hide her in my room so her sis wont be mad. She stayed in my room, and i took care her until she felt better. One night i made a joke and told her she had to pay me back by a kiss or a hug. That night she sneaked into my room and cuddle with me. I was afraid that her sis will know, but at the same time i felt so happy (for our Asian generation, you dont do something like that unless you are serious with that person).

Suddenly we moved too fast. We became a couple, who lived together in just more than a month. I was afraid her sister will be mad about that, but she just act like every thing is normal.

Being with her, made me know more about her, she actually is bold and unstable emotions than she shows. But i accept it because she is too young, and i was in love. I also knew, we are 10 year different, some time i just couldn't understand about her generation. Sometime I asked for my friend advice, because he have lived with her for while. And that when thing went wrong.

Instead be a cool friend, he went on to his gf and talked about that. I didn't  know at that time. Her sister gave her a whole speech about go easy on me, which made me a bad guy in her and her sister eyes, who complained about his gf with her sis.

Thing went south quickly when her ex started talking to her back, it even involves his mother (i mean the guy already has a new gf). She got mad about that, but i knew she still had something for him, i told her i couldn't control her feeling but please don't let that affect our relationship, and i will be there for her. She cried every night, i hold her tightly every night.

Until her sister found out about her thing. She decided to be "big sister", she wanted to teach her little sister a lesson. She forbid my gf to stay with me, because it is wrong when you in someone's arm and think about someone else.

I think be lonely make her think more about her ex. After few days she told me she wanted to break up, she did not want to hurt me, and she need more time and space. I told her if she need time and space i will give her that, but dont give up on us yet. She cried and thinking. But the guy's mom called her and they talked. She felt confused and she decided to breakup. I told her it is ok, but i will move out, because it hurt me so much, and it even hurt me hurt if one day she come back to her ex.

And there it is her sister and my friend jump in. They gave us a talk about how they already warned us, and i being a child when i decided to moved out, because we rent the house together (even i told them i still pay for the rent). And they told her is a bad girl, etc. It is so wrong that we moved too fast. It made me mad, i said some hurtful thing about her. After that i even feel more hurtful, i told her i am truly sorry, she forgave me.

Now we was break up. But i still took care of her. And she wanted me to, but at some point i feel that was wrong, it gave me fail hope, and it hurt me so much ( i knew for the fact she tried to chase her ex, who ignore her). I told her she need to know what she really want. She told me she didt know and she just want be still be normal.  So i told her we need to stop, but if she need anything, just ask me i will do it for her. We agreed.

I felt sad and shared my feeling with my friend, just a talk between 2 friends (again i still did not know what between my friend and his gf and my girl). It was another huge mistake. Now he want to be a "big brother", by telling his gf to teach my girl a lesson by playing with people's feeling. His gf got mad because she thought he didn't  trust her little sister, but she didn't  want to lose her face, she still went on rampage with her sister and even me. Now it cut her so deep that i am a 2 face guy, who said will be there for her, but I went behind her back made her sister treat her like that.

After that i could not take it anymore, i moved out and still pay for rent. I barely talked with my friend, i felt he betrayed a friend code, just because his ego to be a big guy over his gf and her sister.

Now it hurts me more that she act normal with me like a regular guy she knows, not mad, not angry. But i do know she just hide her feeling because she doesn't want make her sister mad.

I still love her very much. To be honest our entire relationship only about a month, but like i said it is not easy for me to have feeling, and when i love someone it will be a whole love. I just want to know what should i do. I know a lots people  will said just move on. But i want to give us a try, a second chance. It drive me crazy about the thought that maybe thing could be better without my friend and her big sister. What i truly should do and what can i do.

January 02, 2019, 07:16:39 PM
Reply #1
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missg


i am sorry it gonna be long.

I am 28, only have 1 relationship, so you can say i am no expert in love. I had a 7 years relationship with my highschool sweet love. We had been through a lots, we sacrificed all of our youth for each other, even our all blood. But in the end she had to give up because i was always far away when the time she need me most. I blame myself for that, i was too focus in our future, so i did not see her need feeling. That why i took me 4 years to truly gave up on her, when i knew she has a happy family.

Still i did not want any relationship because i just didn't feel right and it is not easy for me to have feeling for anyone at all.

But 1 day, i came to visit my friend. We share same ideas for a bussiness. So i jumped all the way from AZ to MA to be partner. We shared a house together.

At that time he knew i was single, he tried to introduce me to some girls, but i just politely refused with some stupid excuses.

He lives with his girlfriend, who has a younger sister. She is 18, she is young and shy, but full of curiosity for the world. I grew a like for her, because she remind me about my younger self. Like all big bro, i took care her a lots ( i am a " nice guy type", who love to take care another people's thing). But for her, i just truly care about her, i took care when she was sick, sad, even more than her older sister take care of her.

Little by little she had feeling for me, she shared everything with me, even something not with her sister. At some point she even told me that she doesn't agree with the relationship between her sister and my friend , because it makes her mother sad (to be honest my friend is a girl, who is LGBT, and we are Asian, both our family are old school). I never tell my friend about that.

My friend warned me about her, that is not someone for me. But seriously who care if you really have a feeling for someone. But i did concerns about the fact she just broke up with her boyfriend for 3 months. I did not want to be in any drama ( for love i have a fragile heart, which is easily break). I try not to rush anything.

1 night, she cried with me and confessed her feeling. She wanted to know about my feeling for her. I told her i had feeling for her too, but i needed her to sure about her, because she is too young and may have some confusing. We agreed to go slow.

After couples days, she was sick, she wanted to cut class, she asked me to hide her in my room so her sis wont be mad. She stayed in my room, and i took care her until she felt better. One night i made a joke and told her she had to pay me back by a kiss or a hug. That night she sneaked into my room and cuddle with me. I was afraid that her sis will know, but at the same time i felt so happy (for our Asian generation, you dont do something like that unless you are serious with that person).

Suddenly we moved too fast. We became a couple, who lived together in just more than a month. I was afraid her sister will be mad about that, but she just act like every thing is normal.

Being with her, made me know more about her, she actually is bold and unstable emotions than she shows. But i accept it because she is too young, and i was in love. I also knew, we are 10 year different, some time i just couldn't understand about her generation. Sometime I asked for my friend advice, because he have lived with her for while. And that when thing went wrong.

Instead be a cool friend, he went on to his gf and talked about that. I didn't  know at that time. Her sister gave her a whole speech about go easy on me, which made me a bad guy in her and her sister eyes, who complained about his gf with her sis.

Thing went south quickly when her ex started talking to her back, it even involves his mother (i mean the guy already has a new gf). She got mad about that, but i knew she still had something for him, i told her i couldn't control her feeling but please don't let that affect our relationship, and i will be there for her. She cried every night, i hold her tightly every night.

Until her sister found out about her thing. She decided to be "big sister", she wanted to teach her little sister a lesson. She forbid my gf to stay with me, because it is wrong when you in someone's arm and think about someone else.

I think be lonely make her think more about her ex. After few days she told me she wanted to break up, she did not want to hurt me, and she need more time and space. I told her if she need time and space i will give her that, but dont give up on us yet. She cried and thinking. But the guy's mom called her and they talked. She felt confused and she decided to breakup. I told her it is ok, but i will move out, because it hurt me so much, and it even hurt me hurt if one day she come back to her ex.

And there it is her sister and my friend jump in. They gave us a talk about how they already warned us, and i being a child when i decided to moved out, because we rent the house together (even i told them i still pay for the rent). And they told her is a bad girl, etc. It is so wrong that we moved too fast. It made me mad, i said some hurtful thing about her. After that i even feel more hurtful, i told her i am truly sorry, she forgave me.

Now we was break up. But i still took care of her. And she wanted me to, but at some point i feel that was wrong, it gave me fail hope, and it hurt me so much ( i knew for the fact she tried to chase her ex, who ignore her). I told her she need to know what she really want. She told me she didt know and she just want be still be normal.  So i told her we need to stop, but if she need anything, just ask me i will do it for her. We agreed.

I felt sad and shared my feeling with my friend, just a talk between 2 friends (again i still did not know what between my friend and his gf and my girl). It was another huge mistake. Now he want to be a "big brother", by telling his gf to teach my girl a lesson by playing with people's feeling. His gf got mad because she thought he didn't  trust her little sister, but she didn't  want to lose her face, she still went on rampage with her sister and even me. Now it cut her so deep that i am a 2 face guy, who said will be there for her, but I went behind her back made her sister treat her like that.

After that i could not take it anymore, i moved out and still pay for rent. I barely talked with my friend, i felt he betrayed a friend code, just because his ego to be a big guy over his gf and her sister.

Now it hurts me more that she act normal with me like a regular guy she knows, not mad, not angry. But i do know she just hide her feeling because she doesn't want make her sister mad.

I still love her very much. To be honest our entire relationship only about a month, but like i said it is not easy for me to have feeling, and when i love someone it will be a whole love. I just want to know what should i do. I know a lots people  will said just move on. But i want to give us a try, a second chance. It drive me crazy about the thought that maybe thing could be better without my friend and her big sister. What i truly should do and what can i do.

Aww @teddytr, im sorry. As you have only been in 1 relationship before and that was for 7 years you're most likely quickly trying to find love, to heal. I shouldn't say that but from my experience, that's what I did.

Did you do anything intimate with her? did you kiss, have sex? How far did the relationship go in terms of intimacy?

Do you think there's any chance that she may come back and change her mind? If she did, would you take her back?

January 03, 2019, 05:40:15 PM
Reply #2
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teddytr


@ missg.

Yes, We did have sex. I know it sound stupid, but for me sex is a 2 peoples thing, you don't do it unless you actually care and love.

I didn't try to find love to heal myself, i always  think love is not love if you use it for your own happiness. I love her because i care about her, i want to take care of her, be there for her.

yes, we moved thing too fast, we didn't know much about each other before we got into the relationship.

And like i said, i don't  know what to do. I have no idea what in her mind. Ofcourse if she want to come back, i will take her with my whole heart. I just want a second chance, i know we can do better

 

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