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Author Topic: What do I do.... HELP!!

July 03, 2019, 03:31:19 PM
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I have been in a relationship with my partner for 13 years this year, we have 2 kids. At the start of our relationship it was great, after we had kid no1 it started to change, we spent less time together, I felt I was the only one trying in our relationship.  When kid no2 came along it got worse, we have spoken and nothing has changed, I'm the one to makes time for us, I'm the person who makes any effort in the bedroom and when that does happen I don't know if I am making her feel good.

That being the case I sadly have started to look for what's missing elsewhere.  For the last two years I have developed feelings for another woman to the stage that I love her.  We are so compatible, the sex is amazing, we love the same things, we enjoy cooking for each other etc. Sadly she doesn't understand how hard it is the leave your kids behind and the emotional strain thinking that puts on you trying to make the decision.   So 6 weeks ago I got the ultimatum "it's me or her".  She asked if I wanted more kids which I replied not at the moment no which she took at no never and she said "well if you can't give me kids there can be no us" so I left thinking about if I could grow to want kids.  4 days later she is in bed with another guy.

Since then we have spoken and she has said that she is seeing this guy and the dreaded words "but I don't know what I want, I need some space to think about what I want". I said that I would respect her wishes but said it will be hard to find out what she wants when she is seeing and sleeping with another man.   At this moment I have stupidly been fighting to save this relationship and get her to see that I want her and I have offered her everything I can, that I know she wants. I know I need to give her this space but the urge of wanting to tell her and text her is overpowering.

Last night during this thinking period she vanished in me and went to his 😔. I don't know what to do I love her and want her.... But I think I am being strung along until she says I'm in love with the new man.... Thoughts please.

July 03, 2019, 06:40:17 PM
Reply #1


You want my thoughts?
You should first get divorced. I am sorry if this sounds too harsh, but you just wrote the first paragraph about your wife, and it sounded like it doesn't have a solution at all. You then wrote about this other woman you actually love, so please, I know it must be really hard to leave with your kids and everything that implies, but you should be fair with them, with your wife, and with yourself too. Don't stay there just making things worse. I think both your wife and your kids would appreciate it in a long term period.

When you'll have this ''fixed'', then and just then can you focus on this other woman you love. Think about what you want and what you don't. Do you want more kids, or are you just thinking about it cause it is a condition this woman sets? Is she in love with you too? Why is she then with another man? Talk to her, get things clear between you both. Think about you, your future and your needs.

You have got work to do! Good luck, I hope everything will go well in your life

July 06, 2019, 11:38:55 AM
Reply #2


I honestly feel that your relationship is tainted. Maybe she's not the right person for you or vise versa. Nobody can tell you what you should do. My opinion would be to ask her if shes willing to seek marriage counseling together. Let a professional help you to decide whats the best solution in saving or ending your marriage.