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Author Topic: What can I do about her? Do I have a chance?

October 18, 2019, 03:25:54 AM
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Hi! I'm a guy 27 and she's 36.

She's smart, beautiful and she's also a very sensitive girl. I love that about her. She's a little bit old school too. Yes, we have chemestry, we have a connection, lots of things in common, even our birthdays are on the same week! We met 6 months ago, she was the one who approached me actually, and my life changed since that moment, which is great.

We were on a line at the bank one morning and she talked to me. We've seen each other 2 times, I asked her out on a date and said No. She's been keeping her distance with me. Even though she is the one who is always proposing we do things together. Makes sense? I'm confused.

She told me that she likes me and that she doesn't want to be my friend, because she has lost all her "man" friends. She only has "Gay and girl" friends. She said something about not wanting to go through all that again, all the pain. And she also told me that if I started dating somebody, she would walk away and stop talking to me. She promised me that.

So, I thought, I only have 2 options here. 1- Forget about her. (That sucks!) 2- Marry her. That way, she doesn't have to worry about me dating somebody and vice-versa. (Yes, I know how this sounds, hilarious actually but bear with me. What other options do we have?)

The last time we were out, she insinuated that I wanted a relationship with her. She called me, minutes after saying goodbye, told me her age and then did that. But she evaded the subject right after mentioning it with giggles and we haven't talked about it since. I couldn't get her out of the giggles part, she was "on repeat". I asked her "What's wrong with that? I don't care about your age. What do you mean?", she kept saying that I was too young and kept giggling. She was the one who started using the words "We" and "us", that's gotta count for something, right?

We've been texting on and off, but she calls me on the weekends to tell me about her week and to get to know each other more, we spend hours on the phone. We tell stories about ourselves, we laugh a lot, we have a great time and yes, I'd love to ask her out again. I think our trust is better now, but I don't want to scare her away.

So, I want to know, How can I ask her out on a date and get a "Yes" from her? I'd love to see her again and I'd love even more to tell her how she makes me feel. I know she's older than me and I can't care less. I'd rather date an older woman who's lived and knows what she wants than to keep wasting my time with girls my age. This woman gets me, like no one ever has before.

I think she's The One, but, I don't get why she is like this with me. What can I do? Am I in the friend zone? What am I not seeing? I'd love to make her my girlfriend. I'm in love with her mind. I can't stop thinking about her. She's awesome. Anyway, Thanks for reading!

October 30, 2019, 08:00:43 AM
Reply #1

Kalin B.

Hey brother, don't know if this reply is a little late, but here is my advice to take things to where you want them to be :D

From what you have written about your current interaction with this woman, you are in a pretty good place. You have gone over the approach, over the getting to know one-another and you are now in deep rapport. Where you two feel comfortable around each-other, you are sharing deep personal stories and calling to enjoy the other person's company. So it's good so far, but now you gotta do one small thing differently, in order to get INTIMATE with her.


You are almost 10 years younger than she is. She is obviously interested in you, but she is looking for you to take charge and lead things to intimacy. Here is something you should always fall back on as a man: ALWAYS WATCH WHAT WOMEN DO, AND NEVER WHAT THEY SAY! She says she will lose you as a friend, she says she only has "Gay and Girl" friends, and still she says she will never contact you if you start dating other women. This is her INSECURITIES leading the interaction. She is basically telling you: "Step up, get in charge and move things to where we both want them to be. Be a man!" This is female manipulation testing you if you are worthy of being intimate with, on one hand she is pulling you in, on the other she is pushing you out. You need to cut through all of that!

Now this does not mean that you need to overcompensate, but confidently take things on a more intimate and sexual level. NO YOU DO NOT NEED TO MARRY HER :D Be proactive, call her on a date, when there initiate touch, pull her close, go for the kiss. If she reciprocates nice, if she doesn't than it's okay again, return to that playful vibe you two have. NEVER FORCE THINGS, BUT CONFIDENTLY TAKE THEM FORWARD.

You need to be unapologetic about how you express all your feelings and desires as a man. She might say "I told you I do not want to get close and so on..." To which you may reply something in the lines of "I respect you, and you are free to leave, but this is how I want you. This is what I would like to have happen as a man, and you are free to choose if you want to take part of it." And do not hope that something happens with her, and not date other women. You two aren't in a relationship, and you will do as you please. And feel free to TELL HER THAT.

Transform the 9 year younger boy she is seeing, into the 9 year younger man  that knows exactly what he wants and is RESPECTFUL but not APOLOGETIC about it.

I do know where you're at. I have struggled with yours and other stickups in the past, learned from them and am now helping other men as an online dating coach :D

Go for it,
and you will have her respect.


November 03, 2019, 04:52:03 PM
Reply #2

Jamal S

You do have a chance, if you truly care about her don't give up.


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