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Author Topic: Very Confused with Girl

October 14, 2019, 10:34:21 AM
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So I met this girl a few months ago.  We initially engaged in small talk and exchanged contact info.  She reached out to me telling me she wanted to get to know me better.  I engaged her and we began talking and texting.  We had a lot in common and I really liked this girl.  There was some type of real chemistry.  She had recently finalized her divorce several months before.  We live just a few hours from each other.

I’m currently going through a divorce, and waiting for it to finalize.

We met for a date one afternoon.  And it went great.  Then another weekend we spent together did dinner, made love, spent the following afternoon together.  (I didn’t expect us to get this sexually involved this soon.  I didn’t want to feel like I was her rebound..) We both told each other how much we enjoyed it all.  We continued to talk.  I have a very busy schedule traveling so my timing for developing a solid relationship was bad.

She kept telling me that she was really really into me.  I read between the lines that she was falling in love.  Frankly, I was too but wanted to spend more time developing with her.  I have problems dealing with loss so I build defensive walls to prevent myself from getting emotionally hurt.

Recently, she told me I needed to work things out first and that I was still married.  Suddenly there became a moral high ground that I was still married and I need to work on myself and she’d be waiting for me when I was ready.

So we went from texting all day and talking on the phone every day then she said she needed to take a break.  This crushed my soul.  I had opened myself up and then this happens.  2 days later she texts me and says she misses me and cant wait to call me.  That evening we talk.  Basically she still is on the fence.  Now 2 days later, she texts me telling me she’s thinking of me and misses me.  I reply that I miss her too.  No reply back.

For one, I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.  I can’t eat or sleep right now.  I’ve been through heartbreaks before but this one is entirely different.  The part I can’t understand is the game of texting me telling me she misses me but a failure to rectify anything. 

Once my divorce is final I’m prepared to relocate if this relationship is viable.  I think it is but I need to ensure the chemistry is true and we’ve developed better before I commit to relocating.  I’ve fallen in love with her though.

But it suddenly seems as if she’s not willing or scared of hurt.  I really do not know.  I’m lost and a little confused.  She says she wants my divorce to be final.  This wasn’t an issue when she initiated sex.

I told her I would respect and give her space.  And let her reach out to me.  So far I have.  I’ve only initiated contact when she’s initiated contact with me. 

Should I say to hell with it and initiate contact to demonstrate I’m interested in her and trying?  Or should I stop responding to her texts?

Or should I just chalk it up as lost love, move on and find someone else?

I’ve considered giving this a week then making contact and ask what are we doing.  Are we going to date other people until my situation is final.

Where do I go with this?

October 15, 2019, 03:22:27 AM
Reply #1


Well this is quite the situation you're in. This has happened to me multiple times. Give too much attention and you lost her. Ignore her too much, you lost her.

I think the best thing for you to do, call her op and ask her to drink a cup of coffee with you. Really casual. Maybe in retrospect she realised it's going too fast and she wants to take it easy and not screw up with you.

If you decided that you're not falling for her that much, ignore me and go enjoy single life. But as i read it you're pretty much allready in love. What you wanna do is NOT scare her off. Drink a cup of coffee with her, ask her cool "hey, so where do we go from here? After our heated moment(s) we sort of broke off, but i really think you're cool! I'd like to keep seeing you, if you would like that as well?"

Something in that fashion :-D.

Good luck brother!

October 16, 2019, 01:42:56 PM
Reply #2


Thank you!

That’s what I’ve decided to do.  I texted her and said I’d like to talk to her on her terms.  No pressure.

I’ve decided that we can’t develop a solid relationship by being silent with each other and giving space.  I want more out of a relationship that this.  It doesn’t have to be sex etc. but I think we still need to maintain some cerebral connection if there’s a chance of our future.

If she disagrees with this, then it simply isn’t meant to be.  But I cannot in good conscious accept the loss unless I’m told to move on.  Hopefully this isn’t the case but at least I know where I stand in a future.


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