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Author Topic: telling a female friend you have feelings

January 01, 2020, 04:50:47 PM
Read 1520 times


I was considering telling her I think I am catching feelings but I’m not sure that is a fair thing to do to someone with a long-term BF.   I would consider taking a break and trying to step back but that’s not something you should do to someone with abandonment issues.  Any advice??
« Last Edit: January 05, 2020, 10:29:22 AM by bigcasino75 »

January 01, 2020, 09:45:21 PM
Reply #1


I have some sauce for you.To tell you about myself, I'm a former pickup artist guy and Navy veteran with a lot of experience in girling. What I did when I was in your shoes was I texted the girl I liked and I said, hey "Sarah, (random name)", I have some news you might not want to here. I'm just getting to know you in ways I hadn't thought I would and I want to be more than just your friend. I don't think hanging out in the future would be ideal as just friends and since you have a boyfriend I likely won't be around anymore. I'm so sorry to do this but I'm trying to take charge and live the kind of life I want to.

If she says anything other than "I like you too romantically", you could hit her with a follow-up statement about how friends shouldn't ever put each other in boxes and that relationship dynamics are in your opinion a bit of an antiquated system.

There is a book called "The Game", by Neil Strauss and it gives a pretty in-depth explanation of how one leaves the friend zone. Just don't stick around like a jaded cop because if she doesn't respect your ability to leave she won't see you as having higher value at all.

January 02, 2020, 01:39:48 AM
Reply #2


Couple of thoughts on this
- do you want to get together with someone who it sounds like needs to find themselves? From what it sounds like she has been with someone and has co dependency issues if she is bouncing from relationship to relationship
- second question is if you say yes, I’d say she would need to deal with what you see as problem drinking. Can you give her the support she needs to work through it or will it cause resentment?
- if that’s the case then just be upfront, say you find her attractive and you think it could be something and you want to see where it goes. No use in beating around the bush.

January 15, 2020, 08:31:23 AM
Reply #3


I completely understand what you're feeling brother, been there. In my opinion, you have two options. Tell her how you feel (after you have written it down, so that you can articulate it fully!) or take a step back and if that means telling her that you need some space (because you run in the same social circles/work together). Any other advice you get is going to be complex and non beneficial, because every situation is unique. there are commonalities, but its highly nuanced. This is the best advice to take because there is a potential to be with her without confusing and hurting your shared friendship. Be assertive or leave. 

February 02, 2020, 06:38:41 PM
Reply #4


Very unlikely that she feels the same way considering she already has a boyfriend. I really don't think you have enough dating options if you're getting fixated on this one girl who is completely unavailable to you. You might think she's something special but she really isn't. The only reason you like her is because she's the most appealing girl you know from your small social circle. If you were in a different social circle then you would like someone else. I know it's hard to pull yourself out of these kinds of romantic fantasies and when you're into someone you think they're objectively the best looking and most amazing person there is but you just realize they're not. Get out there and meet some more women. Not saying it's easy but that's what you need to do.

February 07, 2020, 09:36:32 AM
Reply #5


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February 19, 2020, 04:01:56 PM
Reply #6


I suggest you some points which will help you get a girlfriend or you should not loose your girl friend. 
1. Have a good grasp on the reasons a romance could work.
2. Find the right time to tell. This is so important wait for perfect time to tell this things, because it can break your previous relation too.
3. Listen to her and be sensitive to what she has to say. don't put a pressure on girl. Listen to her what she say.
4. Be completely cool no matter what her response is. because if you react you will loose your friend to. so be cool.


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