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Author Topic: Socially Anxious, Depressed and maybe autistic girl and I like her but...

December 14, 2019, 07:46:50 PM
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JustWandering


Alright this one might be long one but i will try to put it into main points and concerns and w/e is happening:

Couple months ago i met this girl at college, we first started in the same class, then after couple weeks she went into different class ( the reason why doesn't matter here ). We went together to ice skating and talked in college when we could, thats about how much we spend time together and exchange basic info like what we like and what we do in free time.

Fast forward to 2 days ago, we talked on social media for about an hour and from our convo came out a plan to meet up at hers, at night time, sleepover watching films (we are both into horrors although she is expert in them compared to me, a beginner). The night went well (day after that), we didn't kiss or had sex, but we cuddles while watching those movies, now for the thing i need advice with.

As i said, she has severe anxiety, depression and she is getting tested for autism, she had a panic attack which made her sit curled into a ball, leaning onto me for 5-10 minutes. Despite all that i find her weird and cute (I get attracted by weird girls tbh). On that night I subtly told her that I like her the way she is, that she is cute etc. she said that she wants to stay friends for longer as we didn't see each other than often yet, that she needs to think everything through, she was stressed about it I could tell, we were standing hugging each other while having that conversation. I'm fine with waiting, but the thing is, I never had friend or family member with such mental health problems and if we get into relationship i want to be as best boyfriend as i can be to not hurt her, even now as a friend i want that too. How should i react to certain situations, is it fine to be a bit forward, are the very specific signs that say "I need some space" etc.

Recap: so basically she is not confused, as no one ever showed her such feelings ( I think ) and she had bad past with people as well, she often say that they run away from her and she is worried that i might do that as well in not-that-far future.

Also if anyone is in a relationship with similar partner as i explained, how does it look like for you, what coping mechanism do you have for your partners "unusual" behaviour etc.

Please don't refer me to google, etc. i want peoples opinion from here, im reading about it alrdy, but 1st hand experience from people that help others is so much more valuable in my opinion, if you have any questions ask them as well, i might not be able to answer all of them of course, but the more info you get the easier it is for you to give opinion.

December 19, 2019, 02:20:43 PM
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JustWandering


Bump, I really need help with that, It might be a rare topic to come across but im sure some1 know something ...

February 09, 2020, 08:21:26 AM
Reply #2
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brainysprite


Hi,

I am a girl who suffers with depression and can understand her upsetting behavior. I just wanted to say that I have a wonderful loving relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. It's definitely possible to have a great relationship with this girl but you have to deal with her anxiety in the right way.

Anxious people can be a lot of effort and tend to feel guilty for always needing you to be there for them. The best thing you can do is to ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM ANYWAY. They may always suffer from depression and will always take a little more effort but if you deal with it right it can be great.

If she has an episode before you have to go to work, text her as soon as you go out the door, call on the drive in and check in at lunch, people suffering with depression can really benefit from the support.

February 10, 2020, 02:24:47 AM
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JustWandering


Hi and thank you for replying to my post, I recently invited her to a Valentines date, she read it but didn't answer at all now I don't know if it is because of her mental state or she just didn't want to, what should i do? I don't want to message her reminding her that again to not seem needy and desperate, but I kind of wanna now if she just isn't interested or her mental state don't allow her to reply or something. She also told me once she had series of panic attacks for a week after we once met, how do i respond to such thing? She also never messages first which is quite problematic for me sometimes, cos i overthink and have to figure stuff out of blue.

 

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