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Author Topic: Should we break up?

January 26, 2020, 06:43:45 AM
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Lostinsauce20


Backstory:
I was born in Poland (traditional roman catholic country) and when I was about 13 I moved to the US. I have been living in New York for about 20 years. A few years ago I got a government contracted that had me move to Poland where I met my girlfriend. We have been together for a little bit over 2 years. For the past 6 months we have been fighting more and more about only two topics.
1. Marriage
2. Children

Marriage - I do not believe I need to get married to someone for me to be with them till I die. My girlfriend is traditional and she does not see how someone would NOT want to get married.
Children - I do not have the need to pass on my genes or keep the family name going. I am the youngest in my family tree and never took care of any children. Don't see the point in having children. My girlfriend (you guest it) wants children. We are both at that age where it's either sh** or get off the pot. We are in out mid 30's.

What do I do? Do we break up? Can we work out some kind of compromise? Is there a compromise?

Any thoughts are much appreciated it.

January 27, 2020, 01:25:06 AM
Reply #1
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Ray727


Hello me and my ex gf have known each other since 2007 we had gone through alot of things together from being poor to having an addiction together to finally becoming sober together and then about a year after becoming sober this is about 2014 we had a daughter me and her did not agree on having a child in our position she decided to have our daughter and her mom told her that she would take care of everything now her mom stopped and left her on her own about 6 months in then I took over everything paid all the bills and moved toy parents because I was still upset that she had found a newrelatioship which she kept a secret I mean I was at the house from 6pm to 10-11 most night and my days off I was there doing things with her and my daughter until sleeping time then about 1 year and half ago me and her went and celebrate our birthdays and we decided that we are going to work on things again we don't have a lot of time as I work all day and she is a mother all day and my daughter requires extra attention I was able to book us a vacation in December we went on the vacation at first she was very cold to me but by the end of the vacation she was getting closer to me and when we left we planned on doing a lot of things to have a better future for us and our daughter then few weeks ago I spend the night for New year's she was very cold to me again and I was upset so I told her kn the morning that she is very cold and Everytime I spend anytime with her she tell me that she is tired or something similar now after that the next day I went by the house saw the guy that she said she wasn't really dating or anything there so I said somethings that were harsh in msg and made her ultimatum and she basically told me that we could never be together but then few days later as she saw how devestated I was she had me stay there last night still very cold and she still wants me to carry all the financial things with her but tells me I'm not sure if I'm going to be with that guy forever but I know we aren't gonna work but she keeps going back and forth she wants me to be there as a friend and co parent but she will contact me daily to ask how my days are going I will sleep over from.time to time at their house but we aren't intimate well last night was the first time I was back there since Jan 1st and both times we weren't intimate but about 2 weeks before that she told.me her self that she was starting to fall for me all over again but she couldn't let her self feel like that I really want this to work I want my family back and to be the best father to.my daughter please help me figure out what to do.

Thank you

January 28, 2020, 07:21:59 AM
Reply #2
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Linda96


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February 08, 2020, 12:57:09 AM
Reply #3
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clc


If I was with a guy and we wanted different things, I would want to know sooner than later. Break ups are hard, but it would for the best,

February 09, 2020, 07:56:12 AM
Reply #4
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XAXIL


Let me try to see if there could be compromise options:

Marriage:

You don't feel the need.
Your girlfriend feels the need.

The difference is that at least you also don't feel the need to be unmarried, right? So if it doesn't matter so much to you whether or not to be married, but it matters to your girlfriend, then how about becoming married for her sake? Just as long as she understands and accepts that it's not something that means anything special to you, and that you are doing it because it means a lot for her.

Children:
This one is difficult, being a person who would also like to have children one day myself. But maybe you would be okay with your girlfriend having some other guy's child? I am not saying she should be in bed with that other guy, only that she could take an injection, and become pregnant, without the child being biologically yours. Or maybe if you don't even want to deal with children, then how about suggesting your girlfriend to be a sponsor-parent for a child that only has a dad?

You could also ask yourself if you would be okay with having a child, maybe it wouldn't be bad? Or are you afraid of having too many responsibilities as a dad? Maybe you can talk to your girlfriend about the real fear you have?

I suggest you try to really look for as many solutions as possible, before ultimately deciding to break up. And remember, that breaking up is not only letting go of the disagreements, but also letting go of all the good things in the relationship. So ask yourself, if it would still be worth it.

These are my suggestions... Anyways, good luck  :)

 

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