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Author Topic: Should I continue my relationship with her?

November 12, 2019, 11:59:07 AM
Read 1033 times


I have been seeing a girl for just over eight weeks and the relationship has been rapidly progressing, a lot quicker than I thought it would.

About 3 weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed she was on her phone, messaging someone on Facebook messenger. When I moved, she quickly locked her phone and put it down. At the time I thought that was strange, but thought nothing of it.

A few days later, we were in bed and she put her phone down and went downstairs, however she accidentally left her phone unlocked, now I don't know why I looked, but I did. I saw messages between her and clearly, an ex-boyfriend talking about some of the sexual stuff they've done together in the past before I was in the picture. Now to her defense, when he asked her to meet up with him, she said that she had a boyfriend, however it still doesn't fill me with confidence that she is talking sexually with an ex.

Two weeks ago, she was on a night out with friends and I wasn't able to go because I was working. I finished my shift at work and went home, at about 11:30, she messaged me saying that she wanted to see me. I asked, could it not wait until the morning and she said no, she said that she's messed up. At this point, I started to get worried and asked what she had done and she told me that an ex has kissed her. Since I know the name of the person she has been messaging, I asked her what was his name and to my surprise, it was someone totally different.

This means in the last 8 weeks of our dating/relationship she has been talking sexually with one ex and has kissed another ex. My trust levels for her have completely dropped and I just don't know what to do as I really like her and I have put so much effort into her and clearly I didn't even enter her head that night when she kissed her ex which hurts me the most.

What do you think I should do?
« Last Edit: November 12, 2019, 12:14:25 PM by Madball »

November 14, 2019, 09:18:23 AM
Reply #1


Do you know how many ex's she has? Personally I'd bring this up with her, I wouldn't mention that you saw the messages on her phone as she will try and turn it back to you; but say you've noticed that she is being discrete with her phone and now obviously the kiss has happened.

The fact you are questioning shows that you don't WANT to break up her as many would have done as soon as they found out about the kiss. I'd confront and see where the talk goes.

November 14, 2019, 03:39:10 PM
Reply #2


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November 15, 2019, 06:45:36 AM
Reply #3


I would honestly look somewhere else, no matter how difficult or wrong it may feel.

A couple of years ago I went through the same thing. With a girl for a few months and noticed her ex was texting her still. Just before coming round my house she had been texting him similar things and I saw it the next morning. I shouldn't have looked at her phone but I knew something was up and couldn't help myself whilst she was in the bathroom. Everything was perfect until then but I just couldn't go forward with it, my heart sunk. Ended up being one of the toughest periods of my life but I don't regret it one bit.

November 29, 2019, 11:36:03 AM
Reply #4


Thanks for the responses,

So I'm still with this girl, and the last message she sent to the bloke that messaged her was that she had a boyfriend and there's been no contact since, with regards to the guy she kissed, there has been no contact either.

It looks like she is committed to me, which is nice. She keeps saying she loves me, and cannot wait to spend the rest of her life with me, however my trust for her is still very low and I'm trying to snap out of this silly paranoid state of mind.

I actually really like this girl, but if I cannot get out of this paranoia then ultimately, I will need to call it a day as its not good for my mental health and I'll most likely push her away anyway.

November 29, 2019, 06:09:33 PM
Reply #5


If I were in your shoes, I would break up with her and move on. If she's doing this behind your back now with two different guys, imagine what she will do when you're married.


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