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Author Topic: She is acting cold ...

January 30, 2020, 03:55:46 PM
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rabbit2019


I appreciate you visiting this topic.

So, this is my second college year and I really need some advice concerning this 'friendship' with this girl.

Last year, we studied together in the same class. She seemed really interested in me : She asked for my phone number, she wanted us to hang out together and have lunch sometimes after class, she texts a lot, gets very excited when seeing me ... Well, a lot of signals. Most of my friends and classmates really thought that we are actually dating as a couple.

As time passed, i started to like her back so i decided to take a step. I asker her out to have dinner, and she said Yes. I thought we were getting somewhere and i started to plan a confession, but guess what ? The girl had a boyfriend ... Thank god i found out.

I was truly in shock when I found out since in 2 Months of getting these mixed signals, she never brought it up. I found out myself when he came himself to see her in the faculty. I didn't need to ask her since i noticed how they were sitting alone, close to each other, as he was wrapping his arm around her.

That day, we didn't talk but I was really angry and despite trying my best to hide it, some people, including her, noticed it and she texted me at night, with a weird text checking on whether or not I got home safe, which unusual ... surely I was on her mind when she knew I found out.

She was lying all the time ... when she was going to visit him in his faculty, she said that she was going to see her friends and former classmates. The day before i found it, when i asked her about her plans, she said that she was going to spend the day with me, and never mentionned that someone is coming to see her.

Anyway, I was hurt. But i moved on as time passed. I was okay with keeping the friendship and that's what I did until the end of the academic year.

The new year started and I thought we were gonna stay friends, and that is what happened. We had some friendly interactions  . But suddenly, out of nowhere, she became cold ...
I don't even remember the day when it started, but she never greets back, never makes eye contact, never texts, never interacts anymore. When i sent to her a happy new year text, and tried to start a small chat to make sure there is no tension between us, she did not respond.

I am cool about it, but I want a bit of advice here. Should I leave her be and just keep the strangers act with her ? Should I approach her and ask her what's wrong with us not talking like we used to be ?

It bothers me when I remember how we used to be so close to each other and see how we are behaving towards each other now, but if that's what she wants, that is absolutely fine by me.

What do you guys think ?

Sorry for the long post and thank you in advance.

February 02, 2020, 06:24:14 PM
Reply #1
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AusGuy


Hi friend,

Sorry to hear you are struggling with this. There are a few different reasons to explain the situation - here are what I think are most likely based on what you have said.

I think the most probable explanation is that she is in a relationship but also genuinely liked you so deliberately withheld the fact she was in a relationship in order to keep seeing you and hold your attention. She probably never intended to take it further with you due to the fact she had a boyfriend, so got as close to you as she could without crossing a line in her mind. She liked you, and she liked the attention. In her mind it was exciting and harmless fun, but would have ended if she had confessed her relationship status. No animus on her part, perhaps just badly played and hurt your feelings and confused you as a result. It sounds like she has now decided to cut you off, which if this situation is the case, is probably due to the fact that she's trying to preserve her relationship with her boyfriend. Perhaps after awhile she decided the fun and flirtation wasn't worth the risk of damaging her long-term relationship with her partner. I think it is probably this.

If not, it may be that she is the type of girl (they do exist and are reasonably common) who likes to mess with guys for an ego boost in order to feel desired and powerful. Guys do this too of course, but I'm just speaking to your situation! She wanted you to like her despite not having any intention of following through, and once she knew she could have you if she wanted you, she didn't want you anymore. This sucks, but it happens.

I would ask yourself, whatever her motivations, what are you getting out of stressing about it now? Do you want to be with - or be friends with - someone who disregards your feelings like that? I think not.

Cut your losses and move on, trust me. Don't give her the time of day and carry on like it never happened. If you do this properly though, be prepared for her to come crawling back though. I can almost guarantee her behaviour will switch once she sees you don't care anymore. If that happens, although it may be tempting, I would advise you to keep your integrity by not allowing yourself to be emotionally manipulated in any way. Be polite but nonchalant - you don't care anymore and have moved on.

 

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