I have been sexually frustrated all my life and I have no way to relief this. I kind of have a girlfriend and like once a year (I'm not kidding) I find myself alone in the house (because either one of my parents leave and go to their empty house, they are divorced btw). So a few times me a this GF have had sex when he have our homes for ourselves, but it has been really bad sex. I feel all anxious because of the worry that I have to do it "secretly", also she has health issues (That we recently became aware of), and several other worries (like being stuck financially to my parents). I study performing arts, so financially its kind of gonna suck for a while, as I see no steady income soon in the future and there is no way I could pay for a rent for myself and my gf right now.
Another harsh truth is that I was never in very love with my GF, but I appreciated her and was mildly sexually attracted to her (She is also not very sexual). The last time we managed alone (like 7 month ago), she gave me a BJ, which it was more like a gesture of her to show me that she would like me to be satisfied. But what would really get me satisfied is to get sex everyday. I don't know what to do, I used to masturbate a lot. And as I used to masturbate almost daily, my girlfriend only touched herself like twice a year and to do a sort of "remote foreplay", yes, this unparallel our drives are. I don't want her to feel like she is not enough, but I am very frustrated. The idea of one night stand repulses me, but sometimes I see attractive women and I'd just like to have a quick relief and don't deal with romantic stuff and shit, but I am at the same time repulsed by promiscuity (so I have this moral conflict). I don't want to masturbate anymore (as I felt pathetic each time I did it). For me the answer would be that me and this GF could somehow share a rent together and sleep together more often (and maybe get married), but our family situations sucks (My mother doesn't like her, my career is slowly starting, etc..)...
I don't know what to do. Masturbation won't be an option anymore, it makes me feel like a total loser. I am planning maybe about leaving this girlfriend and start living the fuckboy lifestyle, but I am very shy and in the long term I really like this girl.