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Author Topic: Relationship Mistakes most people make

March 31, 2020, 02:16:34 AM
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rel-guru


I thought, I would share something, I wrote about on my blog, mistakes that people tend to make in a relationship. I hope you find this informative:


One of the biggest mistakes people make in their relationships, is giving unwarranted advice when people vent.


It is the most frustrating thing for the recipient to deal with. It is also difficult for the person who gives the advice since usually the person venting is not pleased or won’t follow the advice. When people open up about how they feel or have a problem, more and more today, it seems people are eager to give advice or try to fix their problem. This is a mistake because one, it’s highly inappropriate, no one asked for your opinion, they simply wanted to express themselves emotionally. Second, most people do not want you to take responsibility for their problem, it is their problem to figure out and your job to support them in that endeavor. Unless you are an expert in the topic or they ask for your opinion there’s no need to give it out. But yet so many people do? Why is it so hard to resist?

People like giving advice when others vent because: it can be a chance to feel some sense of power or feeling in charge of a relationship or it feels good trying to fix a problem or they could be seeking validation for their good advice. But all of this is very selfish, it is selfish. Because if you truly were trying to help the person, you would stop and think how can I help them? Would giving unsolicited advice be helpful? Have you even thought about their situation long enough to arrive at a good opinion? Or did you do what everyone else does and give advice as if they were you, shared your thoughts or had similar life experiences to you. You likely did the latter.

What you fail to understand is that the person who is venting has already thought long and hard about their situation, they have already probably read some advice or they even heard many times before what to do. But what you don’t understand is that they emotionally are not ready to solve their problem and what they need is to work through their feelings. What’s worse is that by continuing to do this, people will start to see you as the person to not be vulnerable with. Ask yourself do people confide in you? Because if not maybe there’s a reason? Women have long understood this, often women have been the victims of unwarranted advice. Which is so frustrating, because all women want to be able to confide in their boyfriends.

Just listen, people don’t want to hear about your opinions, instead they want to feel HEARD and UNDERSTOOD.

In fact, if you actually do this, they will be a lot more open to your advice. Doing this will do more for them than anything you could advise them to do. Just by letting them talk through their pain and nodding you are validating them, they will feel less isolated. When you give them life advice, it can lead to them feeling more alone than before. They might think no one listens to me or understands me. Instead hold back judgments against them and simply support them. If you don’t know what to say, you can simply say, “I’m here for you”. Just by doing this, they will be more likely to take action than they would by listening to what you have to say. People often find solutions on their own to fix their problems, especially when they are given a chance to express themselves unfiltered and accepted for who they are and given unconditional support. By listening to them they will feel appreciated and it will deepen their trust for you and the relationship. 
Professional relationship coach, who enjoys blogging about the Complexities of dating and relationships.

April 06, 2020, 09:43:17 AM
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bisugo


Yeah your post i indeed a good one..
In addition women usually someone who is above her level, which tends to frustrate her a lot.. and speaking of frustration.

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