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Author Topic: Relationship bedroom problems

August 02, 2019, 08:24:29 AM
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I'm 21 and have been in a relationship for 3 years with an amazing girl. She's extremely caring compassionate and does a lot for me. I know we're both young, but she often looks to the future and talks about marriage and kids. We don't live together, but we spend around 4 nights a week together. All in all, we have quite a good relationship. However, we have one significant problem that is really affecting the relationship. We only have sex once every 2- 3 weeks (sometimes longer). This has been happening for the past 1.5-2 years, and was never a problem in the beginning of the relationship. I'm someone who is quite open and I like to discuss problems early on, so they don't become greater problems later down the track. So naturally, I've brought this up on a number of occasions. Each time she says she'll make more of an effort, but nothing really ever changes.

Amongst various other things, she's switched pills multiple times (didn't work) and even decided to completely go off the pill (6 or so months ago). Nothing she's tried has really sustainably changed anything. She says she's still extremely attracted to me, and I know she loves me dearly. In fact, she really enjoys having sex, and I always ensure that she orgasms (even though I don't myself around 75% of the time when we have sex). So the problem seems to be her wanting to have sex with me in the first place (even though she says she wants to try and have sex much more often). I often try to get her in the mood with passionate foreplay, or an intimate/extended massage, but as soon as I make any kind of move, she shuts me down with some kind of excuse e.g. I'm too tired, I have to be up early tomorrow morning, I don't feel comfortable right now, there's other people in the house (even if they're sleeping) etc. If she rejects me, I always honour this straight away and respect her decision without making a scene. I believe I've been more than patient with her, and despite her trying various things to fix this issue, I have my doubts whether her labido will ever be anything close to what I would hope. Honestly, I'm not sure I could continue with the relationship indefinitely knowing that it's probable that we'll only be having sex once per month. She's the most amazing girl and I truly love her so much, but I'm very confused as to what I should do. Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated!

August 03, 2019, 05:12:32 AM
Reply #1



Currently I am reading the book Come as you are by  Emily Nagoski. And I must say it is great. It explains a lot about female sexuality. And I think this book can give you and your girlfriend some insight in what could be going on. The book also gives advice to deal with whatever is going on. Maybe you both can read it? Hope everything turns out great!


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