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Author Topic: Relationship Anxiety...But, None Of It Makes Sense

March 09, 2020, 07:18:45 PM
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js13jeff


Hi all,

So, this is not specific to the woman I am dating; but, to every woman I have dated and felt a strong connection with. Every single one of them has said the same thing to me (including my current girlfriend): "I am afraid of hurting you because I don't know if something I say will hurt you." Every single woman has said that to me. I'm very open with my anxiety with my current partner. She has anxiety, too...it's just a bit different from mine. I don't fear her leaving me, me not being good enough, the usual stuff...none of that worries me. I know that she loves me and I love her, but my anxiety is getting more and more annoying each day.

Here is an example from today: My girlfriend and I talk on the phone a lot because it is currently long distance. We value every second we have together on the phone - we literally talk for hours. Today, she randomly said she had to go for 30 minutes and it upset me because I miss her. She left, came back, and sent me a text saying we could talk again. I was not happy, but I know it was my anxiety because she has done this plenty of other times in other scenarios and I've always been fine with it. So, she calls me and the passion I had in my voice prior to her leaving for 30 minutes was gone. I was happy, energetic, making her laugh hysterically...it was a wonderful conversation. Then, it was like I just shut down (this is what I experience every time I have anxiety; although, I am very open about it with her...90% of the time, if I ask her for 5-10 minutes to clear my head, I'll come back feeling better...she's very understanding). So, I asked her if I could have some time to clear my head. That was fine. She doesn't take it personally when I have to do that. I came back feeling better. I opened up with a very sappy; yet loving message over the phone...and then it turned out she lost service and heard nothing that I said. At that point, it made me anxious and irritated and it just ruined the entire day.

So, to sum things up from that 1 example, anything - I never know what it is or if it will happen - absolutely anything can set off my anxiety. The silliest of things. I would say 100% of the time I either shut down or temporarily get upset at my partner (but, I don't normally communicate these feelings of being upset because her and I both know that it's my anxiety talking and that I'm getting upset over literally nothing). The anxiety always goes away within minutes to a couple of hours and then the next day I'm apologizing for the prior day and everything is fine again.

I'm not afraid of her leaving me over this. It has just become so annoying that it's interfering with our limited phone calls (we honestly don't get to chat very often), that I would appreciate any advice at all on how to handle anxiety over such small, stupid things. I've googled everywhere and every "relationship anxiety" page talks about fears about the relationship. I don't have those. I just have anxiety in relationships for no reason at all about the dumbest things.

I hope to hear from anyone that can help. Thank you so much.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2020, 08:05:12 PM by js13jeff »

March 10, 2020, 01:34:04 AM
Reply #1
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Cameron



Sounds like your brain triggers to certain situations.  The video below may help you.  Goodluck. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTuX_ShUrw0

April 16, 2020, 04:52:59 AM
Reply #2
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quan9309


Hi js13jeff,

I think it is important to find out what is the actual cause to your anxiety as it will affect how you communicate with your GF in the future. (2-way good quality communication is very very very important in a relationship)

From what I see, I think is because you think she doesn't cherish this relationship as much as you do.

Try to imagine different scenarios in your head to find out the actual cause. Take your example, if your GF house's kitchen is on fire and she went and put out the fire and it take 30mins. Will you anxiety for the same thing? Will your passion of talking to her gone?

If the service is lost and immediately she call you back, will you feel the same?

 

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