Hi All,

I've got a problem which is possibly ridiculous, but is really upsetting for me right now and would be so grateful for any advice.

I met a lovely girl online about two months ago. We found we had a lot in common and we chatted a lot on WhatsApp a lot and had several "dates" where I would go for a drink and she would have lunch (we live in different locations). She said such lovely things about how impressive and interesting she found me, and it was very touching and made me happy, and her too I believe! I bought her quite a few presents including quite expensive things. There was a little bit of a sugar daddy dynamic to be honest, but it was always very sweetly received. Now the problem is basically two-fold:

1) At that time when we started I was very, very busy, but now I am (temporarily) much less busy. I feel like now, although she messages me several times per day, the intensity has gone out of it to some extent from her side. I find myself waiting and waiting for her messages, going back to my phone again and again, although I try not to be pushy. She still says beautiful things about how "sweet" and "cute" I am, how I "make her feel looked after more than anyone she has ever met", and she contacts me several times per day but rarely tells me now how sexy or impressive I am. I find myself saying to myself, "If she doesn't say xyz today then she's gone off me", even though she's maybe said abc instead, which could be just as nice. And then I seem to initiate more of the contact now than she does; there are rarely messages to or sexy pics to wake up to, which there used to be. I sometimes can hardly breathe waiting for a reply from her and it's like an ongoing panic attack till she messages me and then I can breathe again, and then at that moment I usually think I'm just an idiot for worrying. Though sometimes her messages are a little terse. Some possible reasons for all this might be because I am not (though only for a few weeks) the big alpha male, or perhaps because she has been unwell (she was in hospital for a week) and of course because now she is busier than me, rather than the other way around which makes things look very different from when I could barely find a moment to respond to her.

2) I do get her quite a lot of presents, and that's always been part of our thing. I get her nails done for her and her hair for example as she is very girly. We both enjoy it and I am not spending more than I can afford, and it felt like I was helping her. However, I have recently started to realise more and more that she comes from a really privileged background, and mixes with extremely wealthy people (way out of my league though I earn well) partly due to the business she is in. She is quite a bit younger than me, and now runs her own business where I believe she earns less than me, but in the past she earned more than I do now and could probably do so again if she chose to. I don't think the difference is that big in terms of numbers, but it is there, and she is quite a bit younger than I am. I believe she owns her own home, whereas I rent a flat (a nice flat, and I have good savings, but nevertheless I rent). I feel like I am not really in her league, although there are lots of things I have done and do in my life outside of my current work which she finds impressive. She has tried to reassure me that this is not an issue for her, but it seems to be a big issue for me and I get the feeling she really doesn't want to hear about it any more, which I do understand. I mean a lack of self confidence is not a great turn on. She thanks me for what at I do a lot and tells me how much my gifts mean, but do they really? I am not quite sure why this is a huge thing for me, but it is. I feel inadequate and like she must look down on me, or look on me a little boy trying his best. The sad thing is that we always used to have this kind of "mutual admiration club" going where we thought each was doing so amazingly, but now I am kind of too insecure to enter into that quite so convincingly, which maybe she senses, and she never seems to tell me how amazing I am any more.

I'm really at a loss, and am thinking I might need to end the relationship because it's just causing me (possibly stupid) pain at the moment. I would be so grateful for any advice!

You indeed are wasting your time. Someone out of your league and so girly will give heart breaks later on. Beaware

Hello sir, here are my two cents on the situation you are in 

First of all, I understand what you are going through when you say you can't sleep at night. When a man loves a woman, there is no force in the world that can destroy that feeling. And a man will literally give the world to her, and more. I do feel sorry for the man that hasn't felt this way about a woman before. Having said that, I will still tell you why you are downward spirralling yourself right now, and what to do about it.

In my line of work (I am an online men's dating coach...) I always tell my clients to watch what people DO and not what they SAY! And this is especially true with women. This is what is happening in your situation:

- FACT: You are giving her gifts all the time.
  EXPLANATION: She is kinda girly and enjoys it, and it is not something I can't afford.

- FACT: When her attention is not focused on you, you are experiencing difficulty sleeping, breathing and you feel at unease.

- FACT: The intensity of the interaction on her side has gone down, and she shows no admiration for you.
  EXPLANATION: She still SAYS the gifts mean the world to her.

- FACT: You feel you are not in her league.

- FACT: You think she looks at you like a little boy trying his best.

Now you might not like what I am going to say to you, but it's important in order to get you OUT of this situation, and into an abundant life with women.

You are seeking validation for your self-worth from her, this is the biggest mistake you are making. If she intensely texts you throughout the day, or tells you how awesome you are, you feel good. But if this does not happen your entire world crushes down, and your daily life is compromised. If this continues you will lose her for sure, because she will not be attracted to a man that seeks validation from her attention, and is not prepared to lose her.

It's not a bad thing if you like giving her gifts, there is nothing wrong with that. BUT coming from what you are feeling, you are basically buying her attention with your gifts. She is earning a decent amount of money, she comes from a well-situated background and she keeps on taking everything you are buying for her. She SAYS it means the world to her, but what she DOES is she looks at you as a provider and not a man that can shake up the ground beneath her feet.

You say you feel she is out of your league. Again, this brings me back to what I told you about seeking validation from her. Realize that it has NOTHING to do with her, she simply responds to the type of man you are being.

You think she looks at you like a little boy trying his best, again because that is probably what you are doing, and why things are not working for you right now.

HERE IS WHAT TO DO:

- Get this sentence in your head: "THE MOMENT YOU ARE NOT READY TO LOSE A GIRL FOREVER, IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE LOST ALL ATTRACTION FROM HER!"

You mentioned "The big alpha guy...". You don't need to become whatever a big alpha guy means to you. An alpha man is an everyday man that accepts himself, and unapologetically presents himself in the face of others (men and women). It doesn't matter if he is tall, short, handsome, ugly, bald, rich, poor or whatever. He is unapologetic about who he is and acts from that place.

Stop looking for validation from her and accept that she is free to leave you whenever she pleases. When you get this realization in your head, start acting on it. Your sleep will improve, your everyday life will improve and you will get an ABUNDANCE of women.

- STOP BUYING HER GIFTS, EVEN IF SHE LEAVES

Now I am not saying don't pay for dinner or don't tell her to split the petrol or something like that, but stop buying her attention with treatments and presents. Remember what we said about the talking versus the doing... She SAYS it means the world to her, but in reality she doesn't respect you as a MAN. That is why you feel like a little boy trying his hardest.

But she will leave you might say... Well let me ask you this, if she sees you as a little boy she can have at any time she pleases and not respect you as a man. Than, did you ever REALLY HAVE HER?

Dear Sir, it is not that she is out of your league...
It is just that you are not respecting and accepting yourself as the awesome man you are.
You do not need to "Become a big alpha...", you just need to be unapologetic about your true nature.
This way, you will have women DRAWN to you without much effort on your part.

Coming from a guy that used to be where you are at

This is my advice for your current situation,
if you need more help feel free to contact me.

Salute,
Kalin

Hi again

glad you got some value out of this Sir. Often times we know the answer but we need someone to reassure us that we are on the right page so to say. And yeah, if you enjoy the gift-giving thing, by all means do it. Just remember why you are doing it, because at the end of the day it's not what you are doing, but where you are coming from. It's abou who you are being and not what you are doing. And the relationship will reflect that.

Salute and best of luck

Hello Kalin,

I want to thank you for taking the time to give such a well-thought-out response. I think you have hit the nail on the head, and I think that in some way I already knew it. I need to enjoy interacting with her, but not constantly wait for more and more validation. I know I am worthy of her, and she has said it enough times herself that she sees it too.

The one thing where I disagree is regarding the gifts. That's just part of our "thing" and I enjoy it as much as she does. But I will try to see them truly as gifts and not as a way of getting her attention or respect.

Thank you again!

Quote from: Kalin B. on October 29, 2019, 11:11:59 AM

Hello sir, here are my two cents on the situation you are in 

First of all, I understand what you are going through when you say you can't sleep at night. When a man loves a woman, there is no force in the world that can destroy that feeling. And a man will literally give the world to her, and more. I do feel sorry for the man that hasn't felt this way about a woman before. Having said that, I will still tell you why you are downward spirralling yourself right now, and what to do about it.

In my line of work (I am an online men's dating coach...) I always tell my clients to watch what people DO and not what they SAY! And this is especially true with women. This is what is happening in your situation:

- FACT: You are giving her gifts all the time.
  EXPLANATION: She is kinda girly and enjoys it, and it is not something I can't afford.

- FACT: When her attention is not focused on you, you are experiencing difficulty sleeping, breathing and you feel at unease.

- FACT: The intensity of the interaction on her side has gone down, and she shows no admiration for you.
  EXPLANATION: She still SAYS the gifts mean the world to her.

- FACT: You feel you are not in her league.

- FACT: You think she looks at you like a little boy trying his best.

Now you might not like what I am going to say to you, but it's important in order to get you OUT of this situation, and into an abundant life with women.

You are seeking validation for your self-worth from her, this is the biggest mistake you are making. If she intensely texts you throughout the day, or tells you how awesome you are, you feel good. But if this does not happen your entire world crushes down, and your daily life is compromised. If this continues you will lose her for sure, because she will not be attracted to a man that seeks validation from her attention, and is not prepared to lose her.

It's not a bad thing if you like giving her gifts, there is nothing wrong with that. BUT coming from what you are feeling, you are basically buying her attention with your gifts. She is earning a decent amount of money, she comes from a well-situated background and she keeps on taking everything you are buying for her. She SAYS it means the world to her, but what she DOES is she looks at you as a provider and not a man that can shake up the ground beneath her feet.

You say you feel she is out of your league. Again, this brings me back to what I told you about seeking validation from her. Realize that it has NOTHING to do with her, she simply responds to the type of man you are being.

You think she looks at you like a little boy trying his best, again because that is probably what you are doing, and why things are not working for you right now.

HERE IS WHAT TO DO:

- Get this sentence in your head: "THE MOMENT YOU ARE NOT READY TO LOSE A GIRL FOREVER, IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE LOST ALL ATTRACTION FROM HER!"

You mentioned "The big alpha guy...". You don't need to become whatever a big alpha guy means to you. An alpha man is an everyday man that accepts himself, and unapologetically presents himself in the face of others (men and women). It doesn't matter if he is tall, short, handsome, ugly, bald, rich, poor or whatever. He is unapologetic about who he is and acts from that place.

Stop looking for validation from her and accept that she is free to leave you whenever she pleases. When you get this realization in your head, start acting on it. Your sleep will improve, your everyday life will improve and you will get an ABUNDANCE of women.

- STOP BUYING HER GIFTS, EVEN IF SHE LEAVES

Now I am not saying don't pay for dinner or don't tell her to split the petrol or something like that, but stop buying her attention with treatments and presents. Remember what we said about the talking versus the doing... She SAYS it means the world to her, but in reality she doesn't respect you as a MAN. That is why you feel like a little boy trying his hardest.

But she will leave you might say... Well let me ask you this, if she sees you as a little boy she can have at any time she pleases and not respect you as a man. Than, did you ever REALLY HAVE HER?

Dear Sir, it is not that she is out of your league...
It is just that you are not respecting and accepting yourself as the awesome man you are.
You do not need to "Become a big alpha...", you just need to be unapologetic about your true nature.
This way, you will have women DRAWN to you without much effort on your part.

Coming from a guy that used to be where you are at

This is my advice for your current situation,
if you need more help feel free to contact me.

Salute,
Kalin