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Author Topic: On & Off Again Relationship

December 22, 2019, 01:46:35 AM
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Hi all,

New to the forums but seeking some advice.

Short end of the story is I have been dating this woman for the last 2 years, we have been on and off again 4 times now, she has broken up 4 times with me and she ended up coming back each time. The most recent time, I decided to walk away with some dignity as I didn't like where it was going and what I was getting out of it. 4 weeks have passed since I did this and told her not to call or text me, she couldn't help her self and was trying to get in contact for 2 weeks and I ignored, eventually I gave in and spoke to her and we had a long chat, she had admitted a lot of things to do and started taking accountability for what she did wrong, as have I, as we both caused things to make it not work. The biggest problem for us thought is external, she has a kid with another man and he cannot get over her, he is the reason we have broken up 3 out of the 4 times. He is very jealous of me and doesn't want me around his kid and gives my partner a very hard time all the time about it. My partner grew up without a father so she doesnt want her daughter to grow up without one either and I can respect that as she is very young and fond of her father so I get that and don't want to come inbetween that.

I have decided to give this relationship another shot as she has never openly admited her mistakes in what went wrong and how she could handle things better etc but this time she did and she has told me she cannot give all of herself to me as her child is always priority which is fine.

Time will tell if she has changed certain behavior but I said if we do this again, we will take it slow and ease into, no labels and just enjoy each others company without telling her ex or our families we are back together. The biggest hurdle we face though is the fact she has to literally swing things to see me, so she will try to get her ex to take their daughter out for the day and then she will call me and organise to do something with me. This is tough because it relies on me being free and of course I want to see her but in the past Ive been so available to her and its not fair to me, its also a turn off in relationships when a partner is so available like i always am. I'm busy too but her situation is unique so am i simply overthinking the dating "rules" by almost trying not to be so available to her but at the same time, she does try to find ways to have her child babysat by family or her ex so she can also enjoy her life and we can do stuff together and go out on dates etc.

This is temporary as she tells me and she is waiting for her ex to move on so she can. I know most people will say tell her to just tell him take it or leave it, but we tried in the past and it made it a lot worse. My Patience is very high as I do love this girl and I know she loves me but I feel I have constant anxiety about being too available and being almost at her beck and call but if I am not, I almost cannot see her at times. We organise date nights in advance but it can never really be me calling her and saying 'Hey im free tonight, lets go movies' it has to be planned in advance etc.

Sorry for the long post, hoping for some advice.



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