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Author Topic: Need advice for relationship of over 4 years

March 01, 2020, 10:04:52 AM
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I've been dating this girl (21F) since I (21M) was in high school. I fell in love with her immediately upon meeting her. Our relationship has always been great except for one thing. Her sex drive does not match mine. I have a high sex drive and hers is rather low. It was never a concern of mine through high school because I figured it would get better with time as we were very young when we started dating and not everyone is sexually active at that time. Through the years we have built an awesome relationship. Her family is great to me and I enjoy being around them. My family is in love with her just as much as I am. We have built an awesome friend group as well.

However, our sex life has not improved. We have sex maybe once every 3-4 weeks and I nearly have to beg for it every time which just takes away from the moment. It really makes me question our relationship as I start to plan the next stages of my life with her. I don't think I can be with someone who has such a low sex drive. I try to talk to her about it and explain that I have needs and have asked her what we can do to make her enjoy it more, but it always turns into a fight. It just sucks because everything about the relationship is great, except our sex life, which to me is very important. I can't imagine ending this relationship over sex, but I am seriously considering it. I hate to throw away a relationship and lose her amazing family and our friends, but I sadly think it's the right thing to do.

I would love to hear some advice on this situation... thanks

March 15, 2020, 04:55:30 PM
Reply #1


This sounds like a very tricky situation. If you two have been in a relationship for over 4 years and she's not comfortable to sit down and talk about your sex life, that's a problem. I don't know what you've tried, but it could be a foreplay issue, or you don't have much variety in terms of kinks, positions, toys, teasing, the way your sex is approached. Or it could be a biological issue where she doesn't produce enough natural lubricant. The latter can be easily fixed with lube.

Sex has to be fun and playful, not just a chore. Keep the approach relaxed but the sexual tension high. Perhaps making it a little romantic would help.

The most important thing both of you must do to save this relationship is to have proper communication without fighting. If she can't communicate her problems, it simply won't work.

March 17, 2020, 08:09:57 AM
Reply #2


Hi Prl_123!

I think UmOkay123 is completly right about everything he said  8) 8) 8)! I think you still should try to save the relationship (you like her a lot) but by communicating more. You should really tell her that you would like to know her more, and understand her why she is always fighting over the sex conversation.
It's not selfish to think you would like to have a better sex life, I think her too. Having a great sex life is part of a healthy relationship (from my point of view, some don't and won't need it to build a great relationship, but it seems like you really do and it's okay!!!)
Because if she won't open up about sex, maybe there won't only about sex you will not be able to talk in the future.
Maybe it's less about sex but more about something deep in between you two.
Keep us posted!
Live. Just live.


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