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Author Topic: Need advice, 11 months with awesome woman and confused.

September 20, 2019, 11:06:48 AM
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I met a woman at work almost a year ago. I am 55 and she is 65. She has been a widow for about 4 years after a great 32 year marriage. I am your typical nice guy. We started dating about 11 months ago. She let me know she wanted to take things slow. To say the least, it has been very slow going. For the first two months, it consisted of having fun and a quick hello and goodbye kiss and great hugs. At 5 months she finally told someone she was my girlfriend. At which point I was thrilled. At 6 months I brought up about taking it to the next level. Having sex. She told me she was scared it might ruin our relationship right now and that she really wanted to be ready for it. I did press the issue any further during that conversation other than to let her know I was ready when she was.
 Since then till now. We always tell each other we love each other, we always have a great time. And both of us seem to want to be around the other as much as possible. Always a very passionate kiss and long hug hello and goodbye. She will even try to sneak in a kiss at work. But here we are at 11 months and still have not spent the night together. Its not like I dont drop little funny hints. She just laughs.
 Need advice. I can handle if she is scared it will still harm our relationship, I can handle that she is 65 and it may hurt so she is scared of that, I can handle if she does not want to show her body. I cant handle if she just does not see me that way. Should I just talk to her again, which I hate since we always have lighthearted fun together. Should I just let it go and just assume it will happen later.

September 20, 2019, 12:41:20 PM
Reply #1

Confused giraffe

Sadly you can't always have "light hearted fun" in a relationship. It can't always be good. Though the bad times can strengthen the relationship. Communication is key.
What I personally would do is sit down and say I would like to have a chat about things. Say that I'm really happy with how things are ,how I'm feeling-love etc.. then say, there's no pressure on the answer for this as it's not a question about sex , it's a question about your thoughts/feelings about it.
How does the thought of it make you feel?
What are the reasons you don't feel ready?
Is there anything I can do to help you feel ready?
Is there anything I can do to show it will not ruin our relationship right now.
Be caring, listen, be supportive,Anything you can think of to make it easier for her to talk.
Be reassuring that you're not just asking so you two can get it on but that you're asking to know how it is she's feeling.

Sex is a touchy subject in a lot of relationships, but it sounds as though you're already uneasy to bring something up that may rock the boat.
If it was something other than sex ,would you be uneasy about bringing that up even though it may rock the boat? If so, then you need to ask yourself why can't you talk to her? Why can't you ask how she is feeling about something and tell her how you are feeling?

Hope this helps

September 21, 2019, 01:35:09 AM
Reply #2


What you say makes perfect since. In the 11 months we have been together, we have never had a fight or an argument. We might have disagreed on some things, but even those were tiny things, and done jokingly. It sounds like the perfect relationship if I couldn't function. But I am not broken and find her too damn attractive. Guess we will have that talk I am dreading.


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