Author Topic: My wife is not happy with our marriage anymore. What should I do?

blueboltSD · September 07, 2018, 09:34:29 AM

I have been married to my wife for almost ten years now. We had quite a smooth start as we were dating up until at the early stage of our marriage. However, as time went by, it seems like she is losing interest in me. It seems like she is not happy with our marriage anymore. It feels like loving me is now a burden for her; I feel like I am already a burden to her. I tried all the tips I read online, most especially from that of an international marriage agency, but it seems like she’s about to give up on our marriage and I cannot change that in her. She has not said anything about it though but that is what I feel. What should I do?

goodevening · September 07, 2018, 02:45:32 PM

Quote from: blueboltSD on September 07, 2018, 09:34:29 AM

I have been married to my wife for almost ten years now. We had quite a smooth start as we were dating up until at the early stage of our marriage. However, as time went by, it seems like she is losing interest in me. It seems like she is not happy with our marriage anymore. It feels like loving me is now a burden for her; I feel like I am already a burden to her. I tried all the tips I read online, most especially from that of an international marriage agency, but it seems like she’s about to give up on our marriage and I cannot change that in her. She has not said anything about it though but that is what I feel. What should I do?

Sorry to hear that you're having concerns in your marriage @blueboltSD.

I think you need to provide more advice in terms of what you said regarding that she's losing interest in you.

What makes you believe this?

Naturally, over time, especially when you're married, it's normal for you both to not love each other as much as you once did. It's really sad but it's part of what happens in a normal, healthy relationship. The spark isn't as it used to be.

It may be that you're looking into the issue to much, unless you have viable reasons to why she may be losing interest?

Cdawg20118 · November 09, 2018, 03:09:13 PM

Sorry to hear that but maybe u should ask her whats not making her happy its all about communication good luck

Cdawg20118 · November 09, 2018, 03:10:41 PM

How can I tell my wife she has a big fuppa without hurting her feelings I love her dearly

magnolia3002 · November 16, 2018, 05:48:58 PM

Hello there,

Sorry to hear you're in this situation.

I strongly believe there is something missing that you're not seeing. Maybe she's pointed it out over time and you just don't pick up on what she's trying to tell you. Communication is key here. I think you should just ask her what it is and work on whatever that is.

Good luck

Gypsum · November 18, 2018, 01:30:26 PM

Try to reinvent yourself. Maybe go shopping for some new clothes, just change up your style a bit. Take your wife out more. Do the things you to did when you first started dating.

smackie9 · November 18, 2018, 04:58:36 PM

From a woman's standpoint she's pulling away because things are in a rut, everything is routine and become boring. You need to refresh by finding new interests/hobbies you both can be passionate about. Show an interest in her romantically, like surprise her with dinner cooked, flowers on the table, or buy her a new dress and take her out dancing. Even the smallest things like giving her a hug and a kiss while she's folding laundry, hold her hand when you are out in public, taking her out for lunch...you know start dating her again, be a couple.

And I agree with the other poster to refresh your look, buy some new clothes, change your look, grow a beard whatever to look trendy but not silly trying to look like you are twenty. Getting into shape helps too. You don't have to buy a gym membership, you can simply start with after dinner walks with her, then later try a short hike on the weekend, then start running.

gwhatdoiknow · November 18, 2018, 05:09:23 PM

I am sorry. You feel it, you know it. Things changed between you two. After ten years together, possibly all relationships and marriages go thru rough patches. All advice given is valid: be tender to her, surprise her with little attentive moments when she is not expecting, a note at her bedside saying simply that she is the woman you want and need. If you have kids and can, perhaps leave the younger ones at the care of someone you trust and go out for dinner or drinks, open the topic of you feeling her distance candidly, no accusations, no hard feelings. She what she would share with you when you are relaxed and focusing on you two only without interruptions. Let her know that she is still - after all these years together - the woman you would choose if you could go back in time. Good luck! Be faithful that open communication, and small steps in the right direction can and will bring back the wife you love.

m98076 · November 18, 2018, 06:31:19 PM

Sorry to hear that! Maybe work at better communicating your feelings?

KMurphy96 · November 23, 2018, 08:46:49 AM

Asking her directly would be your best bet. Going to her and telling her what you believe is going on and asking for her answer. For example telling her that you feel like she doesn't want to be married anymore and than ask her just that...if she still wants to be married. You can do that for every concern you have. Confronting the issue head on would be your best bet. Actions do say alot but sometimes people misinterpret actions and project their own feeling or fears onto another person, so asking that person directly is the best bet.

NoviceNinja · December 26, 2018, 09:27:00 PM

You said you have tried every tip you can find, but still it didn't work? Hmm. I know this is not appropriate but do you have a feeling that she has a new guy on the side? Try to find that out first and then if there is, have a heart to heart talk with her to sort things out.

ghednepo · December 29, 2018, 11:29:13 AM

bring back the happy moments that both of you make, i think that is the only way to save your relationship

Tehilah27 · December 31, 2018, 09:47:43 AM

Begin by having a frank talk with her. Ask what she feels and what has been bothering her. Tell her your concerns and then think of thinks you used to do when you first began your relationship but which you no longer do. It might be something you'd need to go to therapy to help you walk through or it might be something you could resolve together. The first and most important thing is communication

winstonjack · January 03, 2019, 03:13:20 AM

She isn't attracted to you. Don't take that to mean it is about your looks. It was how you made her feel about herself -- that feeling you gave her was what made her attracted to you. Can you make her feel again what she felt long ago? Don't shower her with gifts, flowers, etc. Instead she has to see you as the man you were when she met you. At one time you made her feel something and that feeling is now gone. Your road isn't an easy one. Don't overreact, don't complain, don't tell her you love her every minute, don't beg, don't push her away but instead be confident and do what's good for you so she can see you in a different way. If you are persistent, slowly (be patient) she may come around.

Confused83 · January 03, 2019, 03:34:13 PM

Im not sure

id be worried too.
She might not be as attractdd any more as some have said

DannyMickel · February 18, 2019, 02:46:33 PM

It’s not only your problem bro these days. In these situations, I can only say that try to bring the issue out of her heart so that you came to know the exact reason behind her. My first advice to you is that spend some time with her out of the station. Give some extra time in any romantic places. Hope your relation get better results by this.

winstonjack · February 18, 2019, 04:22:59 PM

It may help if you let us know what you have done to try to salvage your marriage. You said in your post that you worked with an international marriage agency. How or what did they tell you to do? Sometimes you can cause more harm than good if you are not careful. I'd love to help but to do so more information is needed.

Do you two have a date night? Romance should never leave the marriage no matter how long you have been together. It is important that the woman feels loved and you treat her in a way she knows that she is special to you.

There are no magic bullets but having a good emotional connection with you wife is important. She may not be able to tell you in words what is wrong but if you lost that connection she may feel empty, unloved, and uncertain of her feelings. You don't need to buy her gifts, keep saying I love you (but do say it at the appropriate time) instead you need to show her in your actions that you are willing to do what is necessary to keep the romance alive. It isn't always easy. There may even be lots of mixed emotions on her part. Your job is to look past the conflicts and make her feel good as a person, a wife, a woman, a human being. If all she receives from you is good feelings and positive input (even when she is lashing out), you will eventually break down the walls of resistance that will give you the opportunity to bring back what you lost.

Also it is important to feel good about yourself. So if you need to work on you, do so. Only a person who feels good about themselves will feel worthy of loving another.

Good Luck.

Talkingpoint88 · March 06, 2019, 09:14:01 AM

Try and remember what kind of love language she resonates with and start there. Also remember communication here is the best solution. Try and date her again and rekindle the spark. Also check if she's open to couples therapy together.

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DannyMickel · March 28, 2019, 12:54:43 PM

@Talkingpoint88, I agree with you and appreciate your thought as well. If you know the nature of your wife, what she likes and what she not...then definitely you can find the best way to make her in one or other way.

damo2211 · March 28, 2019, 02:42:59 PM

Probably an important thing i am learning after a few failed relationships that one point has been pointed out to me, even in the one im in now. I have lost my identity, who i was when she met me. Im not sure of the full situation or what you are like but if you have lost who you were, get that back, maybe stop talking about the relationship and get the fun back. Maybe.

DannyMickel · April 02, 2019, 12:04:40 PM

@domo2211 I agree with you, but it is also true that life without family and friends is incomplete. So get your identity within your relation...

Gegeg · April 09, 2019, 06:53:58 AM

If you really love her, do all your might to win her heart back. Theres must be a reason when things happen in our life. Where there is great love, there are always miracles.

winstonjack · April 14, 2019, 06:11:14 PM

Tough one. But the chances are it is one of two things or both (1) she's not attracted to you anymore and (2) she lost an emotional connection with you.

The attraction part is usually easier to fix. If you need to lose weight, do it. If you need to dress up better, do it. If you need to get a hair cut, cut away and so on. Think of you dating days and how you would go all out to look your best for her. That's what she needs or wants.

The emotional connection is something that usually happens to couples who life becomes one big routine -- it is boring. But that isn't as easy to fix just by showing her a good time for a few nights. It takes time. At one time she felt as if you got her, that you understood her, and usually this feeling what makes a woman fall in love. Now if she feels that connection is gone, tough to get back if for years you have been ignoring her emotional connection. But you got to start somewhere. What makes this even tougher is usually the guy has to take blame for the marriage having problems even if he doesn't feel he deserves it. You basically have to apologize for EVERYTHING, tell her you love her and want to renew that love. And every day you have to work at it and never, never, never let her down emotionally.

henyy · April 17, 2019, 06:49:23 PM

Quote from: gwhatdoiknow on November 18, 2018, 05:09:23 PM

I am sorry. You feel it, you know it. Things changed between you two. After ten years together, possibly all relationships and marriages go thru rough patches. All advice given is valid: be tender to her, surprise her with little attentive moments when she is not expecting, a note at her bedside saying simply that she is the woman you want and need. If you have kids and can, perhaps leave the younger ones at the care of someone you trust and go out for dinner or drinks, open the topic of you feeling her distance candidly, no accusations, no hard feelings. She what she would share with you when you are
relaxed and focusing on you two only without interruptions. Let her know that she is still - after all these years together - the woman you would choose if you could go back in time. Good luck! Be faithful that open communication, and small steps in the right direction can and will bring back the wife you love.

i agree with you both should take time give time to each other im sure you both will gain your love again most of womens needs hugs but some mans feels odd they should gift cute pillows.

ptrio · April 23, 2019, 06:38:53 AM

I'm trying to post a question but it's telling me I have to reply to someone elses first?

enoonmai · April 24, 2019, 07:41:13 AM

Quote from: ptrio on April 23, 2019, 06:38:53 AM

I'm trying to post a question but it's telling me I have to reply to someone elses first?

lol same here. I am having the same issue. So, here we go!

DannyMickel · April 26, 2019, 11:07:33 AM

@henny...nice, you are right...if @blueboltSD, giving time to your wife and your wife also do the same then…. definitely you both came back on track....sooner or later

Fred1 · May 15, 2019, 08:26:53 AM

Sorry to hear this.Take stock of who you are and make some changes.I had a major problem with holding down a girlfriend and so I changed, now I get loads of women interested in me, why.I got confidence, a new look,style,showed thoughtfulness, fun personality and got intellectual interests.

Theonestar · May 20, 2019, 12:34:43 PM

I hear you, good luck I hope things get better

okkkorniienko · May 23, 2019, 09:37:04 AM

Just take urself on her place.Think like her.Maybe you did something wrong.You can't solve the problem without understanding.That's first! After that you should speak with her cause you should decide together what to do !

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jorge · June 17, 2019, 11:23:38 PM

You have to confront her and get to the bottom of her dissatisfaction. If either party is not communicating such dissatisfaction, that's the problem. How can either party know what to change or do differently, if s/he does not know what's the problem?

Author Topic: My wife is not happy with our marriage anymore. What should I do?

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