Before I begin talking about my problem I want to start off by saying this is all my fault. I am the one messing up constantly, I am the one doing the hurting, and I am the one who needs to do better. I'm reaching out to anyone who might be able to help me fix the mistakes I've made.

The problem my GF and I are going through are ones we've had for a few months now. My GF has gone through a lot of terrible things in her life and has a lot of emotional trauma. This makes her more susceptible to bouts of depression. During January/February of this year, she told me that she was starting to fall back into that depression. I told her that'd we'd get through it together and that I would always be there for her. This was the start of all the terrible things that are still affecting her to this moment.

Every time shes been feeling upset and I've attempted to comfort her I've failed and only made things worse and nothing I've done has seemed to make things better. After months of this, she has almost no hope of me making things better as my promises all seem fake now. I don't know what I am doing wrong and where I could go better. I've watched videos after videos and made notes after notes. We're talking about certain things I could do and still not enough. This pattern has continued for so long that even with weeks of nothing bad happening we always seem to fall back into it.

The solution that I have been working on is that I know if we can go for a long long time of having very small issues or none whatsoever I know we'll be alright. Once I get in the groove I think I can do this. Some other solutions I've made has been making notes on all the different kind of sadness or anger she goes through and has plans for every single one of them and even just key terms to avoid. I have been getting better, I'll have nights where she's been upset and I've made her happy by the end of it so I know that this isn't a hopeless task for me. The problem with that is that one moment of weakness is enough to make all of that seem useless.

I'm asking anyone for any kind of advice on what do here. I need to know how I can show my GF that I am emotionally available for her and that I haven't stopped trying to work on this and I need to know how I can possibly stop this from continuing by ways of providing constant support. I know that I can help and that's all I want to do.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and please ask any questions if you have any.

 

I’m going thru something similar and will be asking for some advice too, but reading from your post their is no right answer, most importantly seek help ur self, go to support group meeting, and if she will come with u, great if not go your self, ask questions one if he things that is hard to understand that it is not your fault even tho everytime u think it is.
take things slowly one day at a time.

I think the biggest thing you need to take into account here is that everyone's experience with depression is different. What you watch and see online is probably nothing like what your girlfriend is going through. If you haven't tried this already.. simply ask her what you can do to help. Even if it's just closing the curtains or running errands for her so she can stay home all day. Once you learn what she needs physically during her hardships you could gain an understanding of what might be going on mentally. It's hard to find words of comfort in situations like depression, but actions can speak very loudly.

Hi

Get your head into this quick read, it'll be the best thing you do.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Man-Mountain-Simple-Proven-Dreams-ebook/dp/B07XBFZSKB/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2JIJPHA2MAPET&keywords=man+mountain&qid=1568322909&sprefix=man+mount%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-3

Good Luck <3<3<3
Jane