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Author Topic: My Girlfriend is Too Attached To Her Family, What Do I Do?

September 15, 2019, 12:59:53 PM
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Marion702


I’m currently in a touchy situation with my gf.  It’s a bit long, but please try and read so you can understand the full context of situation. So I’m from Cleveland, OH, and I met my gf that lives in Phoenix, AZ through social media (IG) in 2017. We started off as just friends through the internet type thing. Im 29 she’s 33, so around the same age. As time went on we began to get closer, eventually developing a personal relationship. Fast forward to July 2019, I moved/transferred to Las Vegas, NV. We have been a serious couple for almost a year now, but everything has been over the phone. We agreed that with me moving closer we could take our relationship to the next level, however it’s been tough for me to say the least. There’s an issue that has become a problem for me. I don’t want to be selfish or inconsiderate, but just listen to the situation and give your opinion. This is the way everything has gone;

-The first time we met I went to Phoenix to see her, and I expected to be around her family/want me to meet them. So no biggie there, however we did plan to go on a date seeing as it was our first time meeting. Once I arrived, she informed me that she invited her brother, his wife and her niece to go with us. Again no big deal since I already assumed she would want me to meet her family.

-The second time we met she drove out here to Vegas. She got out of work at 7 and it takes about four hours driving, so she arrived around 12 midnight. We had planned to spend two days together, we woke up in the morning and ate breakfast. Around 4pm, she says that she has to go back home because her daughter doesn’t like being away from her too long (her daughter is 16 btw). Something about she was left with her father and she doesn’t like his house as much. I was a little annoyed by it because our time was cut short. I understand how those dynamics can work, so I didn’t trip out motherhood comes first

-Third time she brought her daughter out, no problem. The only issue was that her daughter was really clingy then entire time (constantly holding her hand/onto her shoulder/playing in her hair). This is when I realized what she meant by she doesn’t like to be away from her daughter too long. I understand this comes off as jealousy, but I would say more of a feeling of exclusion. But please stick with me. I don’t get to see her at all, so of course I wanted to show some affection but it’s hard with her teenage daughter right there. So we didn’t really get any alone time to be together, and that was fine

-The fourth time I went out to Phoenix, I suggested we get a hotel room after hanging out with the fam so that we could have some quality alone time (she lives with her daughter and her niece). Her niece is 30 and her daughter is 16 years so they should be cool for one night right? Well it’s safe to say you can assume how that went,she said her daughter sister in law invited us all for a date night in  Glendale

-The last time seeing each other is when everything boiled over. She bought tickets to go see a concert here in Vegas with her sister in law. So she came out to Vegas with her brother/his wife and their 3 year old kid, her niece (the 30 yr old), and her daughter. They arrived Thursday night (really Friday morning at 1am) I let them sleep in my apartment until they were able to check into their room. Now we talked about this whole ordeal for weeks, about how each day would go. Friday we would spend all day with her family, then later that night me and her would split and finally have our date night. Saturday we spend all day again with her family, and then she goes to the concert with her sis in law. Sunday morning they leave to go back home.

So Friday comes, we spend all day with the family. However around 6, she literally “volunteers” to watch the 3year nephew while her brother and his wife goes on a date for his birthday. I understand she wanted her brother to have fun for his birthday, so I privately suggested to have her niece watch her daughter/nephew. They have their date night while we go have our date night as well. She said she would feel bad leaving them after she was the one that volunteered to do it. At this point I’m frustrated, but I come back the next day to hang out with her family Saturday. She goes to the concert, and I ask her if there’s any way possible I could send for an Uber after the show to come and spend some alone time before they depart the next day. She replied she would love to, I stayed up until four in the morning waiting only to get a text that she was going to go back to the room because she left her daughter to pregame/go to concert and her daughter wanted her to come back. I basically said you’re with your daughter every day/how I never get to see her. That’s when she made it a ‘me vs her daughter’ situation, which I was trying my hardest to avoid.


It’s hard enough doing long distance relationship, so when we see each other of course I want to do something romantic by going on a date together or at least having some private time. We planned night of going to dinner at a rooftop restaurant at the Palms, come back for some wine and just enjoy being around each other. She completely disregarded my efforts. I feels like I’ll always have to be around her family if I want to be with her

My questions to you all is:

1. Am I being irrational/selfish based off of the situation described?

2. Would you say that I would be in the wrong to want to break things off?

3  If I try to work through it, how should I go about explaining how I feel without turning it into a me vs her family type thing?


She is someone I truly care about, but I just think I’m always going to be a secondary priority. And I understand family comes first as it always should, but does it begin to be too much at a certain point? Let me know what you guys think I need some advice
« Last Edit: September 15, 2019, 01:06:08 PM by Marion702 »

 

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