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Author Topic: My girlfriend has a dysfunctional family relationship. What do I do?

February 20, 2019, 12:03:27 AM
Read 1319 times


We are both young in the start of our relationship but there are multiple concerns and I don't know which path to take. To give the complete background I have to tell a bit of a story. (JUST STICK WITH IT!) :D

My girlfriend and I have known each other for years now and it was rocky. I was always a goodie goodie in high school who was nice, played sports, never did drugs or drank or partied or anything. My girlfriend on the other hand was a rather rebellious teen who partied a lot and had a too cool presence to her. She always did what she had to in the classroom and put on a fake persona so she could successfully sneak around her parents. I knew her for years and she kind of treated me badly as a friend, and even worse when I confessed my feelings for her. Twice, I got friendzoned. Junior year of college comes around and after a year or 2 of not talking we finally reconnected. One thing leads to another, we are in a very serious and involved relationship. It was hard for me to get over what she did to me in the past but as an adult I cannot blame her for shit she did as a teenager, especially after what I discovered. She was a completely different person when I started dating her, she finally let go in a sense.

I quickly came to realize the rebellious teen and young adult she was of the past was not the person she truly is, it was all a front. It was a story of "rebel without a cause", as she had what I like to call some of the worst and most emotionally absent parents ever. They did everything on paper, took her on vacations, took care of her financially, built her credit, had an amazing house, got her a car everything. But, they were never there for the little things, the no "I love you's", still to this day are overbearing and strict, treat her like a little girl, and still don't understand her. This family life turned her rebellious and cold but that's not truly her.

All this comes into play now as we are in an amazing long-distance relationship as she is studying abroad in Europe. She is finally now coming to terms with her dysfunctional family life instead of running away from it, and I can see her on the verge on breakdown everyday and seeing how the years of mental abuse had an effect on her. She is in need of constant reassurance, attention, she's insecure, has crazy mood swings, is very fragile, needs everything to be perfect and is just putting a lot of stress on the relationship.  I don't know how to deal with her sometimes day to day especially only being able to have contact over the phone or text. Every single time I try to talk to her about it at all, she thinks I'm belittling her like her parents did, so she shuts her ears. I get to see her for a week in a month during her Spring Break and I plan on talking to her about this situation and her seeking a therapist, but I am just concerned on her reaction and concerned she will go back to her stupid rebellious ways. Is it my place to meddle? Should I let her figure it out on her own? Do I lead by example? What do I do? I don't want this to come between us at all or necessarily make us break up, but she's like a ticking time bomb everyday and I know my worth at the end of the day. At then end of the day this isn't my problem and I'll be gone if nothing is resolved.

I love this girl and I absolutely know she loves me so I do not question her love, but I question her mental state.


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