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Author Topic: My gf doesn't wanna have sex with me anymore because of religion

May 06, 2019, 01:43:38 AM
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elements


I was friends with my gf for two years before we randomly had sex one day out of nowhere back in September and found out that we liked each other at the same time.  She was a virgin before that (which I found odd for a woman in her mid 20s), but after we did it the first time we couldn't stop.  We got addicted to it.  And I fell for her pretty quickly because of our friendship before that.  However, she would always do this thing where she would tell me she doesn't want this anymore and she wants to end everything, etc, and it had made our relationship so stressful.  I thought she had a mental disorder or something, seriously, it got that bad.

Turns out...she's Muslim and she never told me because she was afraid that I would judge her for it or think badly of her.  So she's supposed to wait until marriage to have sex, that's why she kept saying she wanted to leave me all those times.  Just being with me and having sex was giving her serious stress and guilt.  And also I'm not Muslim so in her mind there was no point in continuing anything with me.  But she kept coming back for the sex.  That's why it's all felt like one big roller coaster ride.

So as a last ditch effort to save our relationship (this was like 2 weeks ago...yes, we did this "back and forth sex" thing for almost 8 months) I told her that I want to get into the religion and if it grabs me, then I will convert, but I'm only gonna do it for the religion, not for her.  So she agreed, and since then she's brought me into her world.  And...everything has been GREAT so far.  I can tell she's really happy, happier than I've ever seen her, and that she really does wanna be with me.  And I'm happy too.  The stress is gone, no more games, etc, it actually feels like a real, healthy relationship now.  But there's one problem.  She wants to stop the sex.

Now here's the thing.  I get it.  Really, I do.  She's not supposed to have sex until marriage, so I can understand why she doesn't wanna have sex with me anymore.  But here's the thing.  We've done it so many times already, that's a big part of our romantic connection.  We're crazy, we're dirty, and it feels so damn good, best sex I've ever had easily.

I brought it up to her a few times that I still wanna have sex, not as much as we used to, but sometimes.  At first she said "I'll think about it", but since then she's changed it to a hard "no".  This morning we even fought about it.

And what makes it even worse is that I know how bad she wants it to.  She texted me today and said "You have to make me stop.  My mind is racing with dirty thoughts about you, and it's so bad for me, I feel like I'm going crazy, you have to calm me down", and she was going on about her heart rate and her breathing and that she wants to cry, etc.  I mean here's the thing...we haven't had sex in 10 days, so when she said all this I got REALLY turned on and it took literally all of my willpower not to completely seduce her.

But I'm sad.  I hate the way she talks about our sex, like it's something the devil is telling her to do.  Our sex is amazing, it's beautiful, it's a good thing.  I'm a horny person in general, I love having sex, and sex with her is the best thing ever because of how close we are and how great of a connection we have, but the way she talks about it makes me afraid to even flirt with her, like any kind of sexy talk is "evil" or something.  And right now I feel like I'm in a situation where I really wanna have sex with her, but I'm afraid to bring it up anymore because she's just gonna keep getting mad at me.  But at the same time I KNOW that she wants me to seduce her, I know it.  I've had sex with her well over 100 times, I know what she likes and doesn't like.  So what should I do?

And I don't want it to negatively affect our relationship either.  She told me the other day "I know you're gonna leave me because of my innocence.  Guys always do.  I'm too innocent and I know that's a turn off".  Honestly...it's really not (and I told her that), but I also know that her mind is not innocent at all, she's crazy when we have sex.  What I don't like is how she talks about our sex, like it was this horrible stain in our past, she doesn't wanna talk about it, think about it, or even joke around about it.  It's like she wants to just pretend it never happened, and I'm just sitting there wanting that part of my baby to come back.

Before you ask, yes I was still really attracted to her before the sex, that's not why I like her.  I like everything about her and I'm happy to be with her no matter what.  I want to spend the rest of my life with her, seriously.  It's just I miss being sexy with her.  I miss being open with her about our bodies and all that stuff.

How do you think I shoud approach this going forward?  I don't wanna screw up our relationship by pushing for sex again or trying to seduce her, but I also know that she wants it with me too.  I want her to realize that it's not this horrible thing, and that it's ok for us to still do it.

May 09, 2019, 01:39:45 AM
Reply #1
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Lovey


If you guys start making it about religion, then you'll have to respect it wholly, because right now
you're kidding yourself and plain Sinners if you live together without being married, what always leads to sex.

If you care that much about her and love her as you claim, then you should MARRY HER.

Myabe it's also a way for her to let you know she wants things to be done in a right way .

May 09, 2019, 01:40:12 AM
Reply #2
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Lovey


Also please help me sort out this situation .

We were dating long-distance with my ex ( he's 30 and I'm 26) for nearly 3 years when he quietly disappeared after a conversation we had where I playfully told him that I didn't care if he were to leave for another woman . I've always had a pattern of playing it cool with him because I've been scared of showing vulnerability . After that day though, we were broken up for 10 months since he never really said anything but quietly disappeared. He's an avoidant who despises conflicts . I didn't pursue him but made sure rumors got to him that I had someone else, only to hurt him the way he hurted me . Two months ago though we got back in touch  and he apologised for the way he went off the radar. I asked him some help with a project when I'll be back to my country and he showed enthusiasm and support, even making inside jokes.
Knowing he's also single, I confessed after that I still loved him and told him all the truth about having been single for the past months  but also lashed out at him, telling how he broke my heart . He never responded to my email.

In 3 months I'll be back in my country. Should I let him know I'm back or just leave things this way ? I can't help but feel like there's an "unfinished business".
Thanks a lot and sorry if there are mistakes, I'm a french speaker .

May 09, 2019, 03:31:31 AM
Reply #3
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elements


FIrst, thre's something I wanna say to you.  NEVER be afraid of vulnerability.  I was in love with my ex gf, but I waas too afraid to show her my vulnerability and open up to her about my feelings, and that translated into a "lack of care" on my part, and she noticed it.  She thought I didn't care about her and that I took her for granted.  One day she sends me a long text about how I'm an asshole and don't appreciate her, and then she was gone forever.

It took me almost two years to fully get over her, and sometimes I still think about her.  That's why in my relationship now, I try to always be open about how I feel.  If my feelings get rejected, then so be it, at least I was upfront about it.  I possibly lost an amazing future with that woman because I was too afraid.  It's better to be vulnerable and be hurt, then be too afraid to be vulnerable and potentially miss an amazing opportunity.

In your case, after almost 3 years of not talking to him, you shouldn't have confessed your love and acted angry with him.  Way too much time has passed for emotions like that to come out.  You need to do damage control now.  Do you have his number, or just his email?  I would say wait until you get back to your country, then send him a text or an email telling him that you're sorry and that that you want to see him again, just as friends first and see where it goes.  Keep it light, don't be emotional, you're aiming for a "fresh start".  start off as friends again, and see where it goes. 

Good luck!

May 10, 2019, 12:20:36 AM
Reply #4
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Lovey


Thanks a lot for your answer, you're actually the only person on this forum to have taken the time to reply me.

You misunderstood something though ; we were in a relationship for 3 years but only broke up 10 months ago.
Got in touch 2 months ago and that's when I lashed out, so we've not been talking for 8 months altogether actually :)

When I get there, I'll let him know that I'm back. By sending a mail.
But if he still doesn't make any move, then I'll just drop the matter.
 Because I've already told him that I would respect his decision and consider things ended if he didn't say anything, and he still kept silent .

I guess telling him I'm back is just really to avoid any regret and be sure everything is definitely doomed.
I'll show vulnerability but not pursue him.

As for your case, I hope you were able to sort things out ?

 

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