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Author Topic: My gf (16f) and I (16m) had a terrible first time sex and now is self conscious

April 15, 2019, 08:22:09 PM
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Idontknowwhattodo


So getting straight to the point, my gf of 1 year and I had sex yesterday and it didn’t go so well. We are both virgins. We went slow, I talked with her through the entire thing but every time I tried going in, she felt extreme pain to the point where she would cry. This eventually led to her full on crying because she is embarrassed that she couldn’t have sex with me, and couldn’t have been like the girls in porn.

I’ve told her I watched a good amount of porn before and she does have a mental problem ( that I’m not too fully aware of ) that causes her to act like she is a stranger to me and have her mood change to completely uninterested and not in the mood to talk happily  when only a few moments ago she was happy and bubbly. 

After the sex experience, we went through the day better but when she got home she didn’t want to text at all and eventually she broke and explained that she feels useless since she couldn’t have sex with me, and that she is a terrible girlfriend, and that she ain’t shit. She also said she had been thinking a lot and doesn’t want to have anymore sexual things happening between us anymore since she can’t satisfy me. I’ll admit I had some terrible wording and she now thinks I hold her to the standard of a pornstar and thinks I expect her to be like that eventually. I don’t.
I also don’t know what to do anymore. Abruptly through our texting she just said “never mind, bye” and I assume she turned off her phone since I can’t send texts through iMessage anymore.
I am just confused on how to go about this and to get passed this. I’m not pushing sex onto her but she feels like it’s nescesary for us, even though she herself isn’t too hormonal for sex.

TLDR: Gf feels like shit since she couldn’t be like a pornstar the first time, doesn’t want to have sex anymore, and I’m confused on how to make her feel better since she refuses to believe she’s any good.

April 16, 2019, 11:47:59 AM
Reply #1
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karr


Ego's are fragile at your age. Don't feel bad, sex can be clumsy for adults too. If you do find the two of you getting horny again you could try doing other things that don't involve penetration. It could make you feel better about yourselves and what you are doing. There's no pressure to go straight to penetrative sex except what you put on yourselves

April 16, 2019, 09:41:16 PM
Reply #2
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cooljaqbot


Buddy. At your age, life is fragile and so is the male ego.

As with anything in life, being good at making love takes a lot of practice. Extremely few people are just good at it from the get-go.

Just take it easy, refocus, and try again.

Don;t just jump into it either. Give her your exclusive attention and make her feel special for as long as possible leading up to the deed. Flirt with her, compliment her, just court her in general. I promise it will get better.

April 25, 2019, 06:23:32 PM
Reply #3
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Pechorin


Yeah, so I'd also suggest that if its painful for her, maybe just give each other hand jobs for a while with a good amount of quality silicon based lube (something like Wet Platinum).  Use just one finger to start with and gently move to 2 fingers without penetrating that far (like probably not beyond the 2nd knuckle) and then eventually deeper.  This may take numerous sessions over several weeks.  The first time I had sex decades ago, it didn't go poorly, but it certainly wasn't great.  We were both virgins and we used a "lubricated" condom ... which I mistakenly thought was enough lube to make it feel good for her.  You also may be on the large side, who knows?  That might make it way worse for her especially if she hasn't been penetrated much (by her fingers, yours, dildos, etc...) so yeah, just to reiterate: lots of GOOD lube and gradually increase the size/diameter of what is penetrating her until you can comfortably be inside her and it may take a while.  Foreplay helps a lot, so getting her aroused for 15+ minutes before any penetration should help too.

Stay safe, use protection, use lube, and try to be understanding that it may not be pleasant for her for a while (months even).

April 26, 2019, 11:44:52 PM
Reply #4
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AmazinglyAwkward


Sex can be messy the first time, especially at 16, I wouldn't sweat it. Give it some time and as others have said just try again but there are plenty of non-penetrative types of sex too. Even mutual masturbation if it gets you in the mood. It's yours and hers relationship, so whatever makes you both happy!

 

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