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Author Topic: Me [24M] and my ex girlfriend [23F} issues. No clue on how to progress

March 31, 2019, 05:03:02 PM
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To clarify first, this is my ex from about 6 years ago, we were both very close in highschool and did sports together, and shes my first pretty much everything. I was a grade above her while we dated, we only broke up because her parents advised her too as I was moving off to college and they thought I should experience college without a highschool girlfriend back home. I was very against this, and stupidity just ended it a couple weeks before finishing high school. We continued to talk, but things went south when a couple months later she started dating again and I couldn't manage staying friends.

For years we have continued to talk on and off, sometimes for months at a time. I've dated one girl after her for a year (ive been single for almost 5 years now), and shes dated a few guys. She moved a couple states away but always talks about moving back, as she hates the state shes in right now where shes in college. I am finishing up my very last semester before I start teaching, and shes also in the same major as I am. All this time she has known that I still loved her, and would love to give this a shot again. My family often asks about her because they absolutely adore her as well, so I hear that everytime I visit home.

Last year around March, she messaged me out of the blue - having not spoken in over a year. I knew she was in a year long relationship at the time, but she messaged me alot, would snapchat me everyday. Until one day her (now ex) confronted her about it ( I completely understand) and told her he didn't want her talking to me anymore - she ended up deleted me off social media and said she would re add me when things "cooled down."

Around last summer she added me on instagram, and in November text messaged me "Hey" and we started talking again. Found out they had broken up around September (so she didn't message me right after). We started talking a lot more, she added me on facebook and snapchat etc. Out of the blue she sent me a page length text saying she was still in love with me, and always has been and that she always finds her way back to me and thinks of me often. How I am always there and supporting her, and said she "I don't know if I will come back to you right away because I'm not in X state, and she needs to figure out her life a bit before she graduates in Dec 2019. I'm up for talking to you again, and seeing what happens with us. " I knew from before shes not big on being on her phone all day, she hardly uses social media anymore maybe a few minutes a day or week - so I never expected to talk everyday over text.

I didn't push getting together at all, Just talking and getting to know eachother again because things have changed. But since around February, she doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all. Her replies on texts are one worded - yes, no, cool etc. Opens snaps and never replies. I feel like if I don't message her first maybe like once a week or every other week I won't ever get a first text from her. I know she isn't seeing anyone, but to get a long text like that I don't know what to make of this. I don't know how to make her excited to talk to me. Occasionally we'll have good conversations but it changes later that same week. I messaged her yesterday cause I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks, and asked her if everything was okay, and all she said was "yes" and didn't reply to my response. I love this girl, always have and I don't know what to do, or if I'm doing something wrong.

April 05, 2019, 03:22:08 AM
Reply #1


First off, I don't think you're doing anything wrong from what you've described. It was a smart and mature idea to not immediately push the idea of getting back together even though you have strong feelings for your ex.

As for that long text, I think it's best to not think about it right now. There could've been many reasons why she sent that, maybe she actually meant it, maybe it was impulsive, but it's doing nothing but confusing you in the moment. I'm not sure if you've spoken with her since last week, but right now you're putting most of the effort into trying to maintain contact. I don't enjoy playing games, and if I were you I'd simply bring up your concerns about your relationship feeling distant and if she feels the same way. Maybe you could see if there are other things going on in her life that are causing her to be distant, it doesn't seem so likely to me? but you never know.

Hopefully she replies or you can talk things out with her in some way, but it depends on if she replies, and in the meantime you should focus on yourself. A relationship can only exist if both people are willing to put in the effort. It's probably hard to think about not being with your ex or losing contact with her, but if it turns out that she doesn't want to continue the relationship then it'd be better for you health to start moving on as well. I hope someone else has advice too, cause I don't know how well mine is.


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