I am struggling with a relationship and would like thoughts/advice on what I should do next.

I have been in a relationship with a woman for over two years.  Late last year we bought a house and are living together.  Both of us are divorced.  Both of us had affairs during our previous marriages (but not with each other). 

We share a physical attraction.  We hold one another at night and have a deep emotional connection.  She can be the so sweet to me.  We both crave and share physical affection - holding hands, hugging, etc. in private and public.  We do everything together: cooking, yard work, exercise, house projects, grocery/dinner planning, traveling, etc.  We complement each other very well when doing things together - helping one another, hearing ideas and considerate of others wants and needs.  We both need and love each other deeply.  However, while I love her, it may be possible that I don’t like her.  Read on.

While the items below sound superficial, the reality is these things consume me, make me uncomfortable and result in arguments/fights - setting us back.  They make me question whether I should continue this relationship.

She exudes charm, sex appeal and confidence through mannerisms, body langugage, communication style, clothing selection and more.  This is the complete opposite of the type of woman I would normally be attracted to.  In fact, women with these characteristics have always turned me off.  I may be in love with someone I actually don’t like.

Here are some examples:

Her overall body language around other men.  She faces them directly, leans in close and is very engaging.  This combined with strong eye contact and movement of her hair gives off a flirtatious vibe.  Although she is not intentionally flirting, it can be read otherwise.  When I see her in these situations, I get so uncomfortable my body has a physiological reaction.

She is in her late 40’s and has long blonde hair that almost reaches her bottom.  She is constantly flipping her hair around with her hands and by moving her neck.  For pictures, even a simple passport photo, she pulls all her hair to one side layering it on her chest.  Along with her hair flipping, she swings her arms when she walks as if she was a model walking down a runway. 

Her style of clothing and footwear have an edgy flare.  That is shoes and boots that are sexy (she calls them “fun”) but in a way that draws attention.  Medium to high heels.  Boots with lace trim.  Clothing for work - pants that are skin tight, blouses that are sheer and almost see through, dresses that expose her breasts when she is bending over.  In the morning, when I see her for the first time dressed for work, at times I become very uncomfortable.

While she exudes sex appeal, ironically, she has very little experience sexually.  All she knows how to do is have straight intercourse.  There is a sense of confusion on her part if I try to do anything else.  We’ve discussed this and she is willing to try, but it doesn’t work.  I have experience doing everything and crave so much more. 

She is easily annoyed by loud sounds, people she becomes impatient with and other situations/things.  When annoyed she is pretentiously vocal.  For example, one day we were in a waiting room at a doctors office.  A television was on.  She walked up to the receptionist and said “Can you please turn off that hideous television right away?”.  These types of comments to me, or to herself are common.  Words like hideous, annoying and stupid are used daily. 

She is a people pleaser and loves attention from others.  Her career requires a significant amount of networking and relationship building.  She excels in this area.  She is inconsistent with the love and affection she shows for me.  That is some days I'll hear from her many times, especially when she is feeling down or needs something.  Other days, I don't hear anything.

We can go days (usually on the weekends) without anything bothering me.  Then we have an event.  For example, a guy came by our house recently to give us an estimate on some work we need done.  She comes in from work with her high block-type shoes on, skin type pants, flipping hair, etc.  Then she bends over, pointing something out to him, exposing her cleavage.  I became so uncomfortable I had to excuse myself from the room. 

With all this said, it may be possible that she is not doing any of this intentionally.  She may just lack self-awareness.

She is who she is.  I respect that.  But these things make me so uncomfortable at times I don't know what to do. 

I am open to all and any feedback.

Thanks

May be you can look deep sides of your mind why these thoughts are coming. There will be reasons of these.