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Author Topic: Letting distance destroy a good relationship

July 16, 2019, 05:00:55 AM
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I(21/M) am a going into my senior year of college, and at the end of my junior year, I started having a romantic relationship with this girl(21/F), about the last three months of school. It wasn't a serious BF/GF relationship, but it got to the point that when school ended, we pretty much saw each other every day as much as we possibly could. Fast forward to the summer. It started very strong we were video chatting every night and texted non-stop. This is the only way we could see each other since we live three hours away from each other and our busy summer lives didn't allow for us to see each other in person. The face timing stopped after a month and a half, but we continued texting every day, so I didn't see much of a problem at first. As the summer went on, I felt like she was growing apart from me, and things didn't feel the same.

I started to ask more about seeing each other and generally why things weren't feeling the same between us. Time for some backstory on her, she has talked about having a terrible relationship in the past and that it has caused her to build these walls up and I was the first person she had done anything within two years. So she isn't exactly the most open about her feelings. After asking her about these things every once and a while, it came out that she feels like she still has a lot to work on. She feels like the wall we were breaking down while together at school are building back up again and that she doesn't want anything with anyone right now. She was ready at school and going into the summer, and being distant has caused her to feel differently. She admits to enjoying her time together at school, and doesn't think she's over me, but doesn't "want anything regardless of my feelings" those were her words. I feel like we let distance destroy something perfect. We aren't texting anymore because we were talking in circles and not getting anywhere with the conversation. I don't want things to end just because of a distant summer, and that is what it feels like is happening to us.

I'm wondering what kind of advice people have towards handling this? Should I give her space and see how things play out? Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to this before?

July 17, 2019, 06:31:55 PM
Reply #1


Hey OP,

The situation you're kind sounds difficult. It sounds like you really like this girl and it's hard to let someone like that go so easily. To me, if she says she doesn't want anything romantic to happen there isn't much you can do. It's harsh but you can't control how others feel. That being said I don't think you should try to hold out for her either because if she isn't willing to stay connected despite the distance then you need someone who will.

I'm sorry if this isn't exactly what you wanted to hear but I from personal experiences long distance only works when both people are putting the work in. I hope you meet someone who will want to stay with you even if you're 1000 miles away.

Good luck and take care


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