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Author Topic: Legit lost here. Hope a female can give some insight here.

October 13, 2019, 10:50:25 AM
Read 771 times
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complexconfusion


I just wrote a complete novel but changed my mind and going to make it right to the point so I don't put people to sleep.

I fell head over heels in love with a woman who is loving and caring and fun and all the things you dream of in a woman. It was pure romance between us to the most part. Before I met her though, my life had fallen apart and I was going through a lot of stuff, trying to piece it all back together. Long story short, If I said something dumb or without thinking, she would flair the most ferocious abusive rage for days on end, if I ignored it, it only got worse. Sometimes I snapped back but to the most I would try to make up for it and apologise, not that it did any good. I had to just let her calm down and life would go on, we would be totally in love again until the next time.

We eventually broke up, I was heart broken and the thought of being with another woman made me sick and it still does. I find out later that she dated a guy who is on probation for putting someone on life support but they broke up because again, her temper and the fact he was going to bash her for being a mouthy b*tch. I of course could only think about putting a stop to this guy in the worst way possible but stupidly lashed out at her for being an idiot and getting with someone like that (all her exes have been violent towards her or emotionally abusive.) She in turn stopped talking to me. My stomach was in knots for so long, so worried about her.

We recently started talking again. I got drunk and out of the blue text her and asked her "if we could talk", she said to my amazement, "yes." So since then she has a restraining order out on him because hes threatened to kill her. This has upset her, she felt pretty down and stuff but this time I didn't lash out at her but instead bought her a life size bear to cuddle when she feels that way or just something to cuddle at night and sent it to her as a surprise. She loved it.

Here is my sadness and confusion.  :-[ Yes, I told her I want to get back with her. That didn't go so well. She said shes off men for at least the time being, OK cool, I am trying to be causal but over time, shes ducking my calls and it takes her forever to respond to my texts and I am not talking hours, its either the next day or days later. She also won't talk about anything other than basic chit chat and if I try to ask anything deeper, she blanks me and the next text I get from her will be about something else. When I confronted her about this, she says, shes just busy. I really don't buy that. At all.

My question is. Why did she bother to respond to my text and let me back in if shes just going to shut me out? I am thinking of just having it out with her and throwing it all on the line but not sure what this is or if that would be a mistake? I have plenty of female friends I tried to ask but none of them will help me because they don't like her.

Help me. :-\

October 14, 2019, 06:39:55 PM
Reply #1
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lonelygirl005


Well, Ill try my best to answer the questions in order. Just remember im not an expert and these are purely based on my experiences and opinions.

1) I think she still messages you because you've been there for her in her low times and you havent bee abusive towards her. It sounds like she's had some very bad experiences and craves some type of stability but isn't sure how to go about it. For some women its hard to talk about deep stuff and open up when they have a bad past. She's probably looking for consistence and commitment but dosent want to risk putting down all her walls to get it. This is mostly unhealthy and she needs to fix those issues before trying to date or build something serious with someone.

2)Im not sure what you mean by the second question but i would say to be very cautious. She dosent seem to be in a very stable place in her life and jumping into that could possibly make things worst for the both of you.

3)I understand where your female friends are coming from. If i was friends with a guy who had this seemingly toxic women in his life, i wouldn't want to get involved. When it comes to women who aren't stable it can be hard to try and help because some women are very manipulative and sometimes its just not the place of your friends to help. I can see why they wouldn't like her because if they are real friends they wouldn't want to see you hurt and it seems like you're starting to feel hurt and torn up about this situation.

In my opinion, i would limit contact with her and only message her when she messages you. But before that i would recommend you be honest with her. Ive learned that honesty, though can hurt, is the best tool. If you tell her how you feel and how this situation is affecting you, at least she knows. That way, if you choose to back away from her for a little while to sort yourself out and really clear your mind about this, she can do the same and sort her life out before involving you again. It seems like she hasn't fully recovered from trauma and she needs to heal within herself, not with another man.

im not sure if any of this was helpful. I cant tell you exactly what to do to solve this but i hope this can be of some use to you. I wish you and this women the best and i hope things work out for the both of you, wether that is together or not. I think taking a step back and analyze this from an outside perspective is whats best for both of you. But always remember to follow your gut.

October 14, 2019, 08:14:02 PM
Reply #2
Offline

complexconfusion


Well, Ill try my best to answer the questions in order. Just remember im not an expert and these are purely based on my experiences and opinions.

1) I think she still messages you because you've been there for her in her low times and you havent bee abusive towards her. It sounds like she's had some very bad experiences and craves some type of stability but isn't sure how to go about it. For some women its hard to talk about deep stuff and open up when they have a bad past. She's probably looking for consistence and commitment but dosent want to risk putting down all her walls to get it. This is mostly unhealthy and she needs to fix those issues before trying to date or build something serious with someone.

2)Im not sure what you mean by the second question but i would say to be very cautious. She dosent seem to be in a very stable place in her life and jumping into that could possibly make things worst for the both of you.

3)I understand where your female friends are coming from. If i was friends with a guy who had this seemingly toxic women in his life, i wouldn't want to get involved. When it comes to women who aren't stable it can be hard to try and help because some women are very manipulative and sometimes its just not the place of your friends to help. I can see why they wouldn't like her because if they are real friends they wouldn't want to see you hurt and it seems like you're starting to feel hurt and torn up about this situation.

In my opinion, i would limit contact with her and only message her when she messages you. But before that i would recommend you be honest with her. Ive learned that honesty, though can hurt, is the best tool. If you tell her how you feel and how this situation is affecting you, at least she knows. That way, if you choose to back away from her for a little while to sort yourself out and really clear your mind about this, she can do the same and sort her life out before involving you again. It seems like she hasn't fully recovered from trauma and she needs to heal within herself, not with another man.

im not sure if any of this was helpful. I cant tell you exactly what to do to solve this but i hope this can be of some use to you. I wish you and this women the best and i hope things work out for the both of you, wether that is together or not. I think taking a step back and analyze this from an outside perspective is whats best for both of you. But always remember to follow your gut.

It did more than you possibly know. I am still reading and processing what you have said but trust me. It did. Thank you very much.

October 14, 2019, 08:36:17 PM
Reply #3
Offline

lonelygirl005


Im glad! And you are very welcome. PM me if you want to keep chatting : )

 

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