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Author Topic: Is she torn about having a serious relationship?

September 24, 2020, 05:36:28 AM
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I had already talked to a few people on this because they had similar experiences (or simply giving me advice), but in my last thread, 'Is she mourning', the woman I've been talking to all the sudden stopped over Facebook Messenger. It's truly bizarre because the message was normal, gave no indicators of her being upset with me, and it's been over a week. The short version, it was her brother's birthday, who committed suicide this year, she received the suicide note and tried to prevent his death but couldn't in the end. Since then, she has been blaming herself for her brother's death, even though she did nothing wrong. At first, I thought she wasn't talking because of this, but recent developments tell me otherwise.

I did something that most people would say is a bad idea and I contacted the sister and brother in-law. The sister was actually the one that suggested that I get hooked up with this woman all the way back in November 2019. Obviously, we didn't start dating until August, but the sister was thrilled to death that it happened. She is even under the assumption, because of how much time I've spent with this woman, that we're boyfriend and girlfriend. The sister and her husband all get along great, so I thought it might be safe to ask if this woman was doing okay. They saw that I was worried and they assured me she's doing fine, from what they can tell. I had even asked if this woman was upset with or annoyed by me at all. Again, as far as they can tell, there's been no problems and she hasn't said anything bad about me. They went as far as saying that they're "100% good", and would want to get together soon. They're even hoping one day, that if everything works out, I'd be a part of the family and that this woman "would be lucky to be with a good guy like me."

I told them that it's relief she's at least not said anything negative about me nor giving off any indicators that anything's wrong. However, it was mentioned that this woman's ex-fiance was her last serious relationship over 7 years ago did a real number on her and since hasn't been with someone that close in a long time. All the other guys were one offs and never went anywhere. The fact that her family, who has known my family for years, is excited that I'm going out with her speaks volumes because they know that this woman is with someone that is not like her ex-fiance. So with all that, when on vacation, I'm getting this couple a gift as a thanks and show of good will that I want to be a part of this family's life in one way, and they know that it's coming (and very excited). I expressed my gratitude and told them that I really do care about this woman and I've had some of the best times in a long time with her. They sounded even more excited hearing that, so I do have people rooting for us to succeed as a couple.

Now, that brings us, to the million dollar question: what's really going on? Some could say that since it sounds like she isn't mad at me, according to the couple, that it couldn't be that. Although, I've asked her out once a week, and there was one message about having a little too much fun the past few weekends and wanted to take time off to stay home and relax, but I think that was referring to just taking a weekend off then getting back to it when she has time off. It was her dead brother's birthday weekend and she did say that she felt terrible all weekend and slept most of the time. But then the week started and she said she was there for her mother because her dad went away for awhile on business, and the couple said that she did good, based on what they saw. However we don't know what happened when they were not there so there's a possibility, but it now sounds like a lesser one.

Technical difficulties on Facebook Messenger is another possibility because people have been having issues with messages and timing of them. She hasn't blocked me nor used the 'Ignore Messages' option because I can see her profile, when she was last on, and the messages I sent are shown as "Delivered". None of that would be occurring if she did either. It's possible she could have turned off notifications of messages or even muted my incoming ones because I was having issues with Messenger and it sent out multiple notifications (or just not checking her inbox altogether for anyone). Even then, I don't think that would be enough to cut me off. The worst case scenario in all of this is her losing interest altogether, but that seems very unlikely, especially after everything she had told me and what we've done and experienced together, which was being happy to be with one and other. The stuff she told me might have sent other guys running to the hills, but I stuck around and told her that's okay because we're all flawed.

I remember the last time I saw her, sit up in bed as I was throwing stuff away at her house, she looked over at me with big smile on her face, and she looked truly happy that I was there. The connection was there, and I know she felt it as well, based on her expressions and actions. But I'm wondering if that's probably what is circulating in her mind right now and it reminds her of how she and her ex-fiance started. Maybe she's thinking if she's really ready or not to go through relationship stuff again because of what her ex did to her and what all her other past relationships wanted. Honestly, I think she wants it because she sees me as a good guy (something she wants) but she may not be use to the hospitality that she hasn't got in a long time and that's what is scaring her and why she's not talking. So the last thing I want to leave on this thread is this: Is she torn about having a serious relationship?


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