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Author Topic: Is my girlfriend showing signs she wants to get back together?

November 07, 2019, 10:45:42 AM
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Me and my now ex girlfriend have been seeing each other for 5 months. Things started off great in our relationship but over time, I started to develop obsessive thoughts which really put a strain on our relationship, resulting in her breaking up with me.

Long story short, I haven't had the easiest childhood and it has resulted in me being heavily insecure when I develop feelings for someone. I do my best to keep this insecurity to myself, but sometimes subconsciously I seek reassurance and do other safety seeking behaviours. Unfortunately these thoughts appear to contribute to inability to perform sexually, however this is something that she seemed to have accepted for now.

The reasons she cited for the breakup is that she feels too much pressure to make me happy, everything seems so serious all the time and she is unable to tell me things, out of fear that it will upset me. I understand her reasoning behind this, because my insecurity in relationships puts me on super high alert when it comes to deeper topics. She says she isn't mentally strong enough to be able to deal with how I am at times, and that our relationship is comparable to a roller coaster with its huge ups and downs.

She also said that she thinks we are incompatible on an emotional level, she finds it difficult to express emotions where as I am the opposite and find it quite easy and it is also important for me to be able to have that emotional connection. I was however willing to accept that she may just take a little bit longer than me and it wasn't necessarily a deal breaker.

It's important for me to state that I am having weekly appointments with a psychotherapist to discuss my issues, and also exploring other avenues such as mindfulness.. So I am being proactive in my approach to getting better so I can be a better person. It however frustrates me that she is seemingly unwilling to want to persevere with the relationship, despite me wanting to change.

We stopped talking for a couple days, however yesterday she started to open up to me about how much of a hard time she is having with work, and how she feels her life isn't really going anywhere at the moment. I was quite surprised at this, because even though I expressed to her I was always here for her, I didn't expect her to actually open up to me.. especially when she has friends/family who she could turn to instead.

This has lead to me believe that maybe she wants to get back together or at least explore that option.. However I don't want to pressure her to make a decision because she has enough going on at the moment, but I am also hurting because I don't know whether to go 'no contact' or try and win her back.. So I'm kind of stuck in limbo not knowing what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated. TIA

November 08, 2019, 03:22:57 AM
Reply #1

Captain Black

IMO it could be a yes and then it could be a no .

She may just want a very good and close platonic friendship whereby she can discuss things . I have quite a few female mates whereby I have this sort of relationship. Its a bit like a brother and sister relationship .It doesn't stop you say going out for coffees together and things like that.

For a relationship ie boyfriend ,girlfriend relationship to work both of you need to be able to communicate and discuss things openly with each other. Holding things back will not work in a relationship. Putting this right will be the best way of getting back together and also reassuring her that the reasons you both parted company are now under control.


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