Lets Chat Love
Register An AccountLogin

Author Topic: In Love With My Kid's Teacher!

March 18, 2020, 11:41:13 PM
Read 310 times
Offline

rickmartel


Hi,

I am in my mid 40's and have been married for 15 years. For the most part my wife and I have had a decent marriage.  We have our fights and I give her space and we make up. We have sex once every couple of months, nothing particularly exciting from a man's point of view (no spice) and don't really share much in common (opposites attract).

We had kids early on in our relationship and 2 out of 3 have a disability. 1 of the kids has had the same teacher for a few years now so I have gotten to know her a bit as I take my kids to school every day. My wife is in the police force so works shift work. Anyway, between myself and the teacher it's always been very pleasant and over time after each school vacation after not seeing each other for a few weeks there is almost always a hug "welcome back" type of thing, sometimes there is a peck on the cheek from her sometimes not.

I will call her Jill, not only is she attractive and single but she understands my child's disability and has done amazing things for him so I know that she is a beautiful person inside too. For quite a while now i think about her all the time. in fact, I met up with her for a drink at the local bar to discuss a school collaboration with my work. Again, she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and hug and we spoke about all kinds of things and she even told me how hard it is to meet a decent guy, fully respecting the boundaries but can't help but wonder if she is into me at all?

Last month I moved out of home for a week, my wife and I just weren't getting along - she was hardly home and when she was she was resting - things have got real boring so when I moved out it scared her so I am back home and we have just started marriage counselling (her suggestion) so I am torn at the moment. I don't have a lot of faith in my wife making any changes to her work/lifestyle to make me happier yet I am scared to actually leave. I am also very nervous that if I get the opportunity that I will ask Jill out on a date!

I understand it's normal to have a crush but I can really see myself with Jill. I am really confused.....

Thanks

Rick

March 19, 2020, 06:55:56 AM
Reply #1
Online

LilyPouille


Hi rickmartel!

First of all, thanks for sharing your story!

What we know :
1)  you and your wife are pulling away ( her work take a lot of times and you might not share a lot of private time)
2) you begin to have a connection with the teacher of your children
3) you are doubting your relation with your wife and now you see an opportunity with the teacher and you are scared you might miss it.

Your wife understood that something was wrong, so she tried to find a solution and she proposed the therapy. I think it's the routine you've been since 15 years that make you think it won't work for you anymore. But, I truly think you should give it a try to save your couple. (the therapy might help you and your wife to see what's to change and what's to improve for both of you)
Maybe you have a crush on Jill, but you might fantasize Jill and your relationship with her. It's maybe because you see in her an exit from your everyday life.
We don't know for sure if Jill is into you, maybe she gives warmest greetings because she sincerely like helping your children and get attached to your family. Or maybe she's giving signs. We don't know, but you might only see what you want to.

I think it's worth giving a shot with your wife and still believe in your marriage.

With Love,

Lily
Live. Just live.

March 19, 2020, 09:42:47 PM
Reply #2
Offline

rickmartel


Hi Lily,

Thanks for your reply.

I have been thinking about whether Jill was flirting with me at our meeting or not so I looked up some signs that women give when flirting or for signs that may give the male that the female finds him attractive and one of them was reapplying lip gloss, Jill would have done this about 3 times in total. She gave me lots of eye contact, lots of smiling when talking and laughter too.

She is definitely looking to meet a man and even said that she was starting to lose hope in online dating as she has only met jerks and realizes that it will probably happen to her when she least expects it. I was so close to saying "it could be anyone even someone sitting across from you". That's what I was thinking.

I will continue with the marriage counselling though. Perhaps that might provide a permanent new spark for both of us.

March 19, 2020, 10:41:48 PM
Reply #3
Offline

jon45040


it's alright to have your fantasies, just don't act on them.
A heart filled with love is better than a pot filled with gold.

March 21, 2020, 09:30:12 PM
Reply #4
Offline

rickmartel


it's alright to have your fantasies, just don't act on them.

This feels more than a fantasy, I can really see the two of us being together. I just can't get her out of my head.

March 23, 2020, 04:51:03 PM
Reply #5
Online

LilyPouille


Are you doing well with your therapy? Do you find it useful or is it just a waste of time?
Live. Just live.

March 23, 2020, 06:16:33 PM
Reply #6
Offline

VEEee


HI.. What u think??




sometimes love can't be forced right?

https://teespring.com/i-love-my-gf-but-she-didnt

March 23, 2020, 07:43:14 PM
Reply #7
Offline

rickmartel


Are you doing well with your therapy? Do you find it useful or is it just a waste of time?

We have only been once, our session yesterday was cancelled. Even despite me moving out temporarily last month to our first marriage counselling session, nothing has changed. I don't hold much hope for our marriage, I am feeling a bit sick in my stomach not knowing what the future holds whether I am with my wife, with my crush or by myself. I may have an individual counselling session next week to unpack how I am feeling.

March 24, 2020, 08:54:42 AM
Reply #8
Offline

Tony


Hi Rickmartel

I feel it’s my duty to give you some questionable advice. It’s clear you are infatuated with this girl. So how do you work out if she is interested?

signs will be Include playING with her hair, hold your stare a little longer than she should, smile then look away  All of these are signs you need to pick up on.

if you want to go further Ask said teacher out for a drink again. When you greet her, slide you hand into the small of her back when you say hello.

When she kisses you on the cheek “accidentally” turn in slightly, and see if she pulls away or lets your lips meet. You should be able to tell instantly whether she likes you or not. This can easily be passed off as a mistake if it backfires.

I think it’s ok to not know what the future holds. It’s exciting and can be comforting as well. You know what you don’t want and what you need. And that’s an ok thing.

March 24, 2020, 09:11:30 AM
Reply #9
Online

LilyPouille


I think @Tony is right!  ;) Maybe you should look for those signs!
Live. Just live.

March 24, 2020, 05:19:39 PM
Reply #10
Offline

Tony


I’ll also say this. The chances we don’t take are the chances we regret. If you see no hope go for it.

You also need a totally different counsellor to that of your couples counselling.

March 24, 2020, 07:34:00 PM
Reply #11
Offline

rickmartel


Hi Rickmartel

 So how do you work out if she is interested?

signs will be Include playING with her hair, hold your stare a little longer than she should, smile then look away  All of these are signs you need to pick up on.



Like I mentioned before, the re-applying lip gloss was one of the signs (apparently women like to draw attention to their lips)? when we met up, she initiated the kiss on the cheeks which led to a brief hug. we both maintained great eye contact during our catch up and lots of smiling and laughing. When we wrapped things up I initiated the hug/kiss and told her how much I really enjoyed hanging out with her and she said the same.

When we see each other at school there are lots of smiles and brief conversations.

I am at a point now where my wife knows something is up with me, I have tried to tell her I am anxious about the virus but I just don't know how to tell her that I can't do it anymore.

The counsellor is a guy that i had been seeing individually for the last several years so he is aware of everything relating to me and my marriage and Jill. But I may make use of the free online services as well for different perspective.

March 25, 2020, 01:28:12 AM
Reply #12
Offline

Tony


Then ditch the wife, have a crack with the teacher and enjoy your life.

I think you know what you want to do, and are just looking for reassurances here from us. Let us know how you go.

March 25, 2020, 09:57:07 PM
Reply #13
Offline

rickmartel


Then ditch the wife, have a crack with the teacher and enjoy your life.

I think you know what you want to do, and are just looking for reassurances here from us. Let us know how you go.

UPDATE: I have called things off with my wife, had an honest and real conversation with her that I wasn't happy so now I am in the process of packing up and moving to my sister's house in the meantime.

March 26, 2020, 06:14:36 AM
Reply #14
Online

LilyPouille


If this is what makes your peace, good for you! Honesty is worth the pain... ;) I hope all the things will work out with all the people around you!

Keep us posted!
Live. Just live.

March 27, 2020, 06:56:53 AM
Reply #15
Offline

Kueen Kassie


As long as it stays a fantasy, you should be clear

 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
6 Replies
1240 Views
Last post August 24, 2018, 11:19:04 AM
by RoseKaizer
3 Replies
1382 Views
Last post November 20, 2018, 12:08:02 PM
by sandythecat
1 Replies
1154 Views
Last post May 26, 2019, 03:06:35 PM
by ny6iants
1 Replies
418 Views
Last post September 02, 2019, 11:02:19 AM
by GP1984
1 Replies
362 Views
Last post November 19, 2019, 06:17:56 PM
by Daffodil 77
2 Replies
216 Views
Last post December 30, 2019, 07:28:23 PM
by Its_Greeeeeny
1 Replies
249 Views
Last post January 02, 2020, 01:32:03 PM
by anxiousgirl
0 Replies
84 Views
Last post January 28, 2020, 06:24:06 AM
by valeriaisabella
0 Replies
102 Views
Last post January 28, 2020, 06:27:01 AM
by valeriaisabella
0 Replies
110 Views
Last post January 28, 2020, 06:29:24 AM
by valeriaisabella
0 Replies
101 Views
Last post January 28, 2020, 06:33:07 AM
by valeriaisabella
0 Replies
186 Views
Last post February 09, 2020, 12:09:16 PM
by SimonEA