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Author Topic: I need to make sense of everything that I'm feeling

July 11, 2019, 09:36:06 PM
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Hello, everyone.  I'm brand, spanking new to this forum.  In November of last year, I met a woman whom I will name Martha.  It was on a Thursday night at a bar in downtown Orlando.  Martha was a bartender/server at the bar(maybe that's where I went wrong).  I had been there to claim a free bottle of vodka that my buddy and I had won the previous Thursday as a result of placing first in the bar's weekly trivia contest.  Martha was well-spoken, well-mannered, poised, and had a certain elegance about her.  She had a passing resemblance of an old flame of mine from Colombia.  Part of what caught my eye about Martha is that she had a presence which made me feel like she was destined for bigger things than bartending.  We got to talking, and we seemed to forge an instant connection.  I got really drunk, but still managed to have my picture taken with her at the end of the night.  I also added her on Facebook and Instagram, and she promptly accepted my requests.

Over the course of the following week, I got to know more about her.  She was the mother of two boys, 13 and 11.  Her relationship with their father had gone south, but they were both very good parents.  Her boys' father is of French-Israeli extraction -- I was born in France.  I speak French fluently, and that was another plus.  She knew a few words and expression in the language, and we tended to banter back and forth.  We were both fascinated with each other, and we would communicate on an almost daily basis mainly by Facebook Messenger and SMS.  Over time, we grew on each other, and she got into the habit of calling me "love".  I in turn started calling her "babe".

About a month after we met, she left the job at the bar because in her words, management failed to provide bar staff with adequate support.  She also wasn't making the kind of money that she needed. When she announced to me that she was resigning, I was sad because the bar was a 400 foot walk from the office where I worked at the time.  She reassured that we would keep seeing each other, which was music to my ears.

In the meantime, she took a short term gig which ended shortly after the holidays.  For much of the month of January, she was unemployed.  This was very stressful for her, but I encouraged her and told her that the universe had good things in store.  She had actually gotten a new gig which was due to start around Valentine's Day.  During all this, we would talk almost everyday, and the conversations were always positive. We talked about everything -- music, politics, religion, etc...  We have a lot in common.  We both graduated high school in 1999 even though she is 14 months older than me.  I'm 37 and she is 38.

In late January, the fairy tale took a strange and unexpected turn.  She informed me on a Tuesday that she was going to spend some time with one of her female friends.  I got worried when I didn't hear from her for four days.  Finally, she broke the silence and apologized for having gone missing in action.  She was gearing up for the new job and so forth.  With the exception of a couple emoji stickers, we barely exchanged messages for over a month.  Finally in early March, I wrote her a short message wherein I told her that I was a bit surprised at how we had stopped communicating.  i told her that I had really enjoyed how the previous three months had unfolded, missed her, cared about her, and that if there was problem that she could talk to me.  She wrote back the following day apologizing for the loss of contact, but told me that she still thought about me a lot, and hoped that we could get together soon.  That made me feel good for a while.  Another month went by, and then we talked again.  On that day, she was attending a friend's beachside wedding.  I asked her how the new job was going, and she said that she was happy and making the kind of money that she deserved.  I casually mentioned that I should probably pay her a visit, to which she replied yes.  A couple months later, I finally went to go see her at the new job.  It was a Saturday afternoon in June.  I was very nervous even though she had told that it was okay to stop by.  I wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be after so long.  To my relief, when I got to the venue where she works, she ran and greeted me with open arms and a great big hug.  She said that she was very happy to see me.  We spent time chatting and catching up all while she worked.  I stayed for about an hour and then left.  I went back two weeks later.  When I got there that time, I was told that she had stepped out to buy new shoes.  She works at an outdoor venue which doesn't get spared from Central Florida's world famous summer showers and thunderstorms.  Apparently, her old shoes had gotten soaked and she needed new ones.  I waited for about an hour, and then finally she came back.  I left her alone initially.  Some moments later, we made eye contact and she motioned for me to wait.  A few more minutes passed, and then she made her way over to me.  We hugged, and i told her that it was good to see her again.  She told me that it was good to see me too.   We talked like old times.  She even referred to me as "my love".  I stayed for another hour.  Before I left, i asked her when we could see each other again.  She mentioned that her best friend was going to be in town the following week, but that she might have some free time the week after.  I hugged her and left.

My dilemma is this -- I'm still hurt that after three months of almost daily exchanges in communication, that all of a sudden things got quiet between us.  At that point, I had gotten hooked to the point where I started thinking of her as being long term relationship material.  I can't help feeling that the universe meant for us to meet.  I've even told a family member and a close friend that it feels as if she and I are soulmates.

There are a few red flags.  I'm an Aquarius while she is a Scorpio.  I subscribe to some aspects of astrology, and generally, those two signs don't make good romantic partners.  In the time since we've grown apart, I've noticed that a lot of the new friends that she has added on Facebook are male.  If my attraction for her was purely physical, then I wouldn't get jealous.  But because our connection goes beyond the physical, seeing the amount of male attention she gets on social media is cause for concern.  The third thing is that lately, she has gotten a habit of not replying to my messages.  It didn't used to be that way.  She's told me before that she is weird, that she does the opposite of what most people in normal situations would do.  The long and short of it is I'm afraid that I am losing Martha.  Like I said, I see her as someone I could be with long term.  Five to ten years ago, I laughed at the idea of settling down.  In my twenties, I wasn't interested in relationships at all.  I had plenty of reasons for feeling that way -- I would tell people that most folks in their twenties were too immature and unstable to realistically be ready for love.  I thought that one's twenties was a time for self-discovery and experimentation.  I have to say that at 37 years of age, I crave having a long term committed partner.  I have grown very weary of the current hookup culture.  I hate how a large proportion of men and women in my generation seem to treat each other as disposable items.  To my mind, most people fail to value their fellow human being.  I come from parents who will be celebrating 49 years of marriage in September so I appreciate commitment and continuity in relationships.  She, on the other hand, had the experience of seeing her parents divorce before she was a teen.  Her own relationship with her boys' father fell apart.  I don't see her as damaged goods.  I'm of the mind that people are in most cases perfectly capable of rising above their circumstances.  I crave further intimacy with her.  It's obvious that she and I need to have a long talk.  In the months since we first met, a lot has changed in my life.  I changed jobs and ended up moving in temporarily with my parents -- I'm lucky to have them nearby.  I've shared this with her, and she empathized with my situation. She is a pretty simple, person, but at the same time she is a tough nut to crack.  Do you guys see this thing being able to survive and thrive or should I start exploring other options?  To be honest, moving on from her would be incredibly difficult.  She is hands the down the woman I've had the deepest connection with in my adult life.

July 12, 2019, 04:13:39 AM
Reply #1


Good and good my dude, just ride the waive of life, if it does not come, means you weren’t meant to ride on it


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