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Author Topic: I don’t love my girlfriend anymore; how should I tell her?

July 11, 2018, 09:32:29 AM
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RaisedByWolves36


Two weeks ago, I came to realize that I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend. I met her last year on my Ukraine ski trip. She’s sweet but very controlling. It was me who had problems to deal with. I got fed up with her having full control over me. She wants me to follow her rules every time. Isn’t it bad? I mean, I got a life to live with too. I hate being told of what should I do. She doesn’t want me to bond with my friends. She hates my friends. She wants my free time all for herself. Also, she wants me to update her with everything that I do--- EVERYTHING; from taking a shower to eating my meals and whatsoever. It’s sort of annoying, right? I have swallowed her attitude for like five months and I can’t do it any longer. Our relationship is very toxic and I can’t let myself be drown by this. However, I have been thinking as to how to tell her what I exactly want. I’m afraid she might not understand me. How should I start telling her what I want to happen without making her feel betrayed?
« Last Edit: September 05, 2018, 08:23:33 PM by Staff »

July 20, 2018, 03:04:27 PM
Reply #1

ion


Why you allowed her to do that?  You should do what ever you want, the normal things while you're still single.  Sometimes this is the problem, suffocation in relationship because we are too much depends on our partner, and it's not really good in relationship. 

July 20, 2018, 03:54:37 PM
Reply #2

Rita101


Let me make it clear that pity is not love. Love comes from inner emotions and feelings, so should your feelings for your lady wane to bad that you are convinced that you don't love her anymore, it's better to tell her and not stay with out of pity.

I'm well aware that it's going to hurt so much, I'm a lady and I can understand that very well but it's far more better to tell her that truth than lie to her about your feelings, which might likely put you in a situation where you have to cheat on her.

July 20, 2018, 04:37:35 PM
Reply #3

Martinsx


Two weeks ago, I came to realize that I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend. I met her last year on my Ukraine ski trip. She’s sweet but very controlling. It was me who had problems to deal with. I got fed up with her having full control over me. She wants me to follow her rules every time. Isn’t it bad? I mean, I got a life to live with too. I hate being told of what should I do. She doesn’t want me to bond with my friends. She hates my friends. She wants my free time all for herself. Also, she wants me to update her with everything that I do--- EVERYTHING; from taking a shower to eating my meals and whatsoever. It’s sort of annoying, right? I have swallowed her attitude for like five months and I can’t do it any longer. Our relationship is very toxic and I can’t let myself be drown by this. However, I have been thinking as to how to tell her what I exactly want. I’m afraid she might not understand me. How should I start telling her what I want to happen without making her feel betrayed?

This is actually why it's always advised that before getting into any relationship with anyone, you should try as much as possible to learn and understand the type of person such individual is, his or her character, the attitude, reasoning and actions of the person in some occasion. By having all these information or at least having close to 60% of this information would give you a good insight on the type of person that you want to get into a relationship with. This way, there will only be a few things that would surprise you in the relationship.

From what you have just analyzed, it's obvious that you went after the girl because she was pretty and you didn't take time to understand the type of person she was. Well, it's a mistake and you have fallen for it once but it's not too late. Just call her, seat down with her and tell her that you are done with the relationship because you are feeling chocked up because of her excessive rules or conditions and can't take it anymore.

July 20, 2018, 05:01:10 PM
Reply #4

ferlina


People who question whether they should stay in a long-term relationship are often deeply conflicted about their decisions, especially if the partner they are going to leave behind will be wounded. By the time they come to see me, they have usually struggled with their feelings for a long time, wanting to make absolutely sure they are not prematurely leaving. If you’re the partner who fears that you’re falling out of love, please don’t beat yourself up. Your feelings did not change overnight, and you might even not have realized it was happening. Relationships are never all bad, and you might have been trying too hard to focus on the things you still valued while you were slipping away inside. You’ve been struggling with whether you’re really done or just need a new way to be together.

July 28, 2018, 03:00:51 PM
Reply #5

daryle12


invite her for a coffee, find a right place to  say your feelings about her that you dont love her anymore, make it formal break up.

August 02, 2018, 05:20:40 PM
Reply #6

orfia


for me controlling isn't that always means manipulating, for me she's afraid of losing you, someone said "IF YOU'RE TIRED, DONT GIVE UP JUST REST"  the lines is actually this is the meaning ask yourself seven times again and again and remember those days when u starts loving her, dont hate her because shes like that, rest! ask her for some space because  you know if youre always like that probably you cant find a better one, then after you made up your mind then tell her your decision but makes sure it is gonna be good for you both.

August 05, 2018, 02:58:57 PM
Reply #7

RoseKaizer


If you don't love your girlfriend anymore, tell her, I know she will be hurt, but for me it is the best way unlike she still believe that you still love her but it's not.

August 13, 2018, 02:54:37 PM
Reply #8

Lissiel


For me, I really don't like being controlled too. "Do this and do that" it will make me dependent and I will lose the confidence of myself. Even my mom is not that controlling and I can say I grow up a good person. If you love someone you don't have to be much in control, you should think of your partner's feeling too and those who are always in control hates to be controlled too. Not all people will adjust for you, sometimes you need to adjust too(to those people who likes to be in control). That's what makes you a better person.

So, bro, I understand what you're coming from. But don't decide without thinking it over. If you still love left for her, tell her your side. If ever she can't understand that, then she really had a problem. If you really think that she is not the girl you want to wake up with every morning for the rest of your life, it would be better to tell it's over or you'll both suffer. There is no nicest way to tell her, you just have to be honest and tell her your reasons. Don't make it too long or you'll hurt her more. What matters is you respect her till the end.

August 13, 2018, 04:17:20 PM
Reply #9

jaymish


One of the people I listen to who have changed my life for the better is Dr Phil, The American Tv psychologist. He always says that you teach people how to treat you. As someone asked you, why did you allow her to continue to treat you like that?If someone presumed to control my life, I would tell them off immediately. Just tell your girlfriend exactly what you have told us, If your relationship does not work, at least she may learn to do better in her next relationship.

August 14, 2018, 03:41:19 AM
Reply #10

aprilblanquera13


For me, just say it to her immediately because even though she is controlling she still needs to know that you have fallen out of love. Every person needs to know what their partner feels about them. And I guess from your part you should have told her that she is controlling and you don't want her to be like that. Communication is the key in every relationship brother.  ;)

August 22, 2018, 12:16:08 PM
Reply #11

ion


Well, better to tell her, but I know its really hard to do that, however, this is the best way rather than to pretending.  You should talk to her and tell her about your feelings and initiate the break-up or something space for a while.  Tell her that the relationship is suffocated now.

August 22, 2018, 06:52:22 PM
Reply #12

Kamille16


I've been in a relationship for five years above with my first boyfriend. For those long years in a relationship together, there are many times that we argue and think that we don't love each other anymore so we talk and make agreements that we need time and space. And so that's it, but by the time passed by, we realized that we miss each other so much. And after two months of being separate, we back to each other arms again. Sometimes, in a relationship it takes both sides po cooperate and make things right if you two realized that your relationships is out of what they so called sparks. Make things right or think thousand times before you make a move and break her heart.

August 23, 2018, 08:24:26 AM
Reply #13

Bamegr


It's different when you say:  "I love her but I am not happy with her anymore"... This means there is still a possibility to fix the relationship.  But in your case you said that "You don't love her anymore"... and the way I understand it is that you want to put an end to your relationship. 
Well, sooner or later she will find out about it..so you might as well tell her.  It would be crazy to stay with her when you say you don't love her anymore.  You allowed her to control you.  What are you planning to do now? Stay quiet and pretend that you love her well in fact you don't?
On a purely practical level, it would make sense for you to find a way of telling her that you want to break up as soon as possible before it gets worse and tell her your reasons.  I know you dread telling her  this, but you owe it to her to do it. It's never easy to break somebody's heart...but she'll get over it.   But don't keep a relationship with a person you don't love just because you don't wanna hurt her feelings.  She might hurt and she might even hate you for awhile for hurting her. Her friends might judge you for the pain. At least you both know you are walking away honestly. You're walking away before she can hurt more.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 08:26:04 AM by Bamegr »

August 23, 2018, 06:15:11 PM
Reply #14

jennyfermanuel


The way you described it shows you really don't love her. Because if you really do, you won't get annoyed about her being so clingy and immature if we call it that way. People who deeply love someone won't use the term "manipulating or controlling". Because they both agree to commit to each other. I am a woman as well, and I know my worth. So I suggest you to tell her the truth ASAP. Don't let her believe that you still love her when it's not. It will be more hurtful if you won't end it soon. But, think about it many times. End it when you are ready to see her with another guy who sees her worth and loving her more than you do. If you really love her in the first place anyway.

August 24, 2018, 08:48:52 PM
Reply #15

NesMarcos


Two weeks ago, I came to realize that I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend. I met her last year on my Ukraine ski trip. She’s sweet but very controlling. It was me who had problems to deal with. I got fed up with her having full control over me. She wants me to follow her rules every time. Isn’t it bad? I mean, I got a life to live with too. I hate being told of what should I do. She doesn’t want me to bond with my friends. She hates my friends. She wants my free time all for herself. Also, she wants me to update her with everything that I do--- EVERYTHING; from taking a shower to eating my meals and whatsoever. It’s sort of annoying, right? I have swallowed her attitude for like five months and I can’t do it any longer. Our relationship is very toxic and I can’t let myself be drown by this. However, I have been thinking as to how to tell her what I exactly want. I’m afraid she might not understand me. How should I start telling her what I want to happen without making her feel betrayed?


Well, having a relationship with a significant other gives a great and lovable feeling however, having a 'toxic relationship' is really annoying. Even though we have a relationship with a significant other, we still need our privacy or time for ourselves and for other people living around us. The world is not just about you and her. You have a world before her and basically you cannot just let go of that world. You have your friends, relatives, work and family too not just her. A relationship should be 'give and take' not too controlling and not all about one person's rule. A relationship is a partnership.

To speak the truth to her is way better than making life miserable with her. I think, if you are going to tell her straightforward, that is not betrayal. It is honesty. Remember, no matter what or how you say it to her, the thought of you want to break up with her will not ever change. So for me, just say it completely. Say all the things you hate of her doing however, do not also forget to say how grateful you are of meeting her and the lessons you learned in having a relationship with her. Make the confession and conversation light as much as possible.

September 05, 2018, 08:24:47 PM
Reply #16

Staff

Forum Staff
Two weeks ago, I came to realize that I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend. I met her last year on my Ukraine ski trip. She’s sweet but very controlling. It was me who had problems to deal with. I got fed up with her having full control over me. She wants me to follow her rules every time. Isn’t it bad? I mean, I got a life to live with too. I hate being told of what should I do. She doesn’t want me to bond with my friends. She hates my friends. She wants my free time all for herself. Also, she wants me to update her with everything that I do--- EVERYTHING; from taking a shower to eating my meals and whatsoever. It’s sort of annoying, right? I have swallowed her attitude for like five months and I can’t do it any longer. Our relationship is very toxic and I can’t let myself be drown by this. However, I have been thinking as to how to tell her what I exactly want. I’m afraid she might not understand me. How should I start telling her what I want to happen without making her feel betrayed?

Do you have an update for us regarding this? Have you told your girlfriend that you no longer love her? What is the latest?

By the way, to add some more context to this thread, I have updated the topic title to: I don’t love my girlfriend anymore; how should I tell her?

I hope that you have found these recent contributions meaningful.
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

 

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