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Author Topic: I am mentally exhausted

September 30, 2019, 09:14:37 PM
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Hi everyone this is my first post here. I try my best to keep it short but would like to share how everything begins.

When I was 7 years old, my teacher assigned a classmate whom I seldom talk to to sit next to me. We soon became good friends but in 2001, her family moved to Canada due to the political situation in where I resided. My life was miserable and I did not attend school for 2 weeks. At first I thought I missed a very good friend but in fact not only until I became a teenager to realize that this was not friendship, but was love.

Fast forward to 2005 when I dated the first girl in my life. We enjoyed our time together but broke up a year later impulsively because of a trivial, naive reason. This is probably the only regret in my life. We had been keeping in touch even until now (will talk in more detail).

Then I met my 2nd ex during the first year of study in the university. This was also the same year when the girl who moved to Canada returned because her dad's business failed. Anyway, our relationship was ended some time before graduation after my friend found out by accident that she was dating someone else. Not long, I got an offer from the graduate school and I was stupid enough to be her boyfriend the 2nd time. One day, my first ex told me that she was dating but what could I do? So was I in a relationship again! A year later my 2nd ex cheated me again and my ex was married. The impact is like killing me twice!

During the disastrous time, she (my old friend who returned from Canada) was very supportive and soon we became couples. Sweet time, however, did not last long. After obtaining my doctorate degree, I got my first job offer in the States in 2016. We have tried whatever it takes to maintain our precious relationship. Last year she was diagnosed with TN breast cancer and her condition deteriorated rapidly. She even attempted to hide her health condition from me (I learnt that from my sister). Without hesitation I quit my job to spend time with her until a few months ago.... She passed away and became my 3rd ex. After her funeral, I went back to the States. My life has been like hell thereafter.

On one occasion I met a new girl in my friend's birthday party. She is cute and thoughtful. The unbelievable part is that she shares the same name with my beloved girl who passed away. Things get even more complicated. The marriage of my first ex is not going smoothly and she plans to divorce. We have been texting each other almost everyday. Now I am battling against myself and still reluctant to have a relationship with any of them because

1) I was committed to my deceased ex
2) I feel obliged to maintain my commitment to her
3) It is unfair for the new girl I met to be a substitute for my ex
4) I do not want to experience betrayal again. That really hurts.
5) My first ex cannot afford to divorce the 2nd time (If I choose her)

This is my story and I do apologize if it is too long to read. Thank you for reading and I do appreciate any feedback or comments!

October 09, 2019, 04:50:11 PM
Reply #1


Hi there IlovemyLS,

first of all I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.

So im just gonna give my thoughts to the 5 points youve mentioned:

1) Like i said i was never in this situation before, but id still like to say, that i do not think, that your deceased partner wouldve
    wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone. I think death in particular can make you have a greater appreciation for life, it can
    show how important it is to live it to the fullest. I think it would be very helpful to work your way through these feelings before you
    jump into any new relationship. You will never find a substitute, but you can find something new, that will fulfill you in ways you
    never even couldve imagined.

2) Ok i sorta already said everything to that in Point 1)

3) Totally agree to what you said. If you only feel about that new girl as a substitute for your ex, then it would be very unfair and
    hurtful for her to get in a relationship with her. If you actually love her for who she is and youve sorted out your feelings, then id
    say you should choose her.

4) Agreed, noone likes that, so make sure you go into your next relationship with the right intention and good communication from
    the start.

5) You'd be surprised mate haha. But no, seriously, getting back with your ex (where it didnt go right the first time) only because you
    feel like she would be forced not to break up with you, is a baaaad move on a lot of levels.

Like i said thats just my opinions, i hope it helps :)


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