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Author Topic: How should I carry on from here? Relationship advice needed desperately.

February 26, 2020, 01:49:19 AM
Read 592 times


I have a female friend of 18 years. We began to develop feelings for each other last year. She confessed her feeling for me however she doesn't want to commit into a relationship for fear of losing the friendship. We decided to try and work towards the goal of being a couple.

During the past few months, we had happy moments and lots of arguments over little things. We talked about giving up and continue being best friends on a few occasions. Eventually, she will always regret her decisions and agree to try again.

The most recent night felt different - we both talked about how the feelings might have changed. She blamed me for not being sensitive towards her feelings. I was tired from her lack of expression for e.g. she can’t even say that she miss me even though she is. We agreed to give up and told her to restrain our actions and behavior from now on as it were when we were just friends. I decided to move overseas and start a new life too.

However, she told me she could not bear the thought of losing me and want me to be with her. She is also reluctant to reduce the meetups and texts to how we used to. The entire night, we were hugging each other and she was crying for fear of losing me. She kept emphasizing on how important I am to her and the pain of losing me is excruciating to her.

I realized I still love her on that night and asked if we could try for the last time. She rejected as her feelings for me wasn’t as strong as it used to be and say that she doesn't want her decision to tie me down also. Eventually, she told me that she need some time to reconsider. We are currently having a cool off period and thinking things through.

Guys, please give me some advises. I can’t understand why she loves me and yet is unable to take a step further. I am unsure of what she wants and how we should carry on from here.

March 06, 2020, 12:44:46 PM
Reply #1


While I love that you both are willing to try I'm getting the impression that it may be right person wrong time. She seems like she doesnt think her decisions throw and just goes with the spur of the moment. Its kind of selfish tho because it seems like shes kind of keeping you close enough to where you stay interested but just out of reach so that she doesnt have to commit. Was her last relationship really bad? I'd say cut your loses because it seems you'll be hurt in the end she seems like she has alot of emotional baggage or is emotionally unavailable really

March 19, 2020, 08:10:57 AM
Reply #2


Hi kayloi!

I think Mamalonglegz is right!

From what I read, she's in control of the relationship by asking you to stay and being unsure about her feelings but still, she wants you to be with her when she needs it. You talk a lot about her, but what about you and what you want from this relationship?
I think maybe you should (or not,that's up to you  ;) ) telling her that the situation isn't working anymore (but I know you still love her) and you might get hurt with her insecure feelings. Maybe both of you can find a solution!


« Last Edit: March 19, 2020, 08:16:11 AM by LilyPouille »
Live. Just live.

March 20, 2020, 05:06:03 AM
Reply #3


I have been in the position in the past where I have been left hanging when my ex decided whether he wanted to continue our relationship.  Fast forward several years later and I have learned that everybody deserves to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't have to think about whether they want to be in it or not. You should always be number one and there shouldn't be any thought about wanting to maybe be with someone else. 

March 22, 2020, 03:04:19 AM
Reply #4


To me it seems like she doesn’t know what it or to feel about the situation. Which I’m my opinion could be a sign for disaster. I would do what you want to do as you are ultimately in control. But if you still have these feelings and so does she, i would definitely keep it in your mind if consideration. 

May 31, 2020, 06:28:09 PM
Reply #5



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